A Weekend On Books

June 9 (Day 17 of cycle 3)

p.s-problem with tmnet connection all day Saturday, called them up, was advised to cleanup "cookies" so as not to bog down system.

To take my mind off the aches and pains I am going through, and with my energy back to normal, I spent the weekend(Saturday) reading, reading and reading and running chores. I spent some time in a bookshop to hunt for a few books (and added to the pile of tbr books accumulating in my shelves) and magazines, an activity which I missed doing lately. I did my weekly grocery shopping to include a lot of blood boosting stuff (liver, beef, leafy vegetables, dates) and a trade sized jar of horlicks to manage the gastric. I read 2 books on Saturday right into the wee small hours of Sunday morning with intermittent mugs of horlicks and crackers.



I also couldn't help popping into the healthstores to look for a good detox mix. I feel that my colon and digestive system need a real good flushing after all the chemical-based medication that I had been ingesting to "cure" my gastric, sluggish colon, thrombophlebitis and sore mouth and throat. I found something called Fibrecleanse and will try this out in the next few days before my next chemo on June 14. If it helps, I might try it out as a routine when I am into week 3 post-next chemo.




Insya Allah, a detoxed and clean digestive tract should be more efficient in grabbing and absorbing all the nutritional goodness from my blood boosting meals. I would like to see my blood count at a healthy level and if possible, no boosters and no transfusions for future chemo cycles. The last wbc count was terribly low at 1.8 and I can't afford for it to drop further. I thought very hard about why my blood count had been poor despite a very supportive and nourishing diet. I suspect that my system might not have been able to digest and absorb all the goodness due to a build-up of toxins and residues in my sluggish colon as a result of the various chemo side-effects. Hopefully I am right and that something like Fibrecleanse can help.

My books in the shelves upstairs are mostly to be read ones. They were once new but have aged on the shelves, and sometimes I find that I have 2 versions of a title because I might have forgotten that I had bought it before. Vik, my helper cleaned the shelves and dusted the books. This time I remembered to tell her to lift the books off the shelf in the same order that she sees them and to replace them on the shelf in the same exact order. One horrifying but funny incident that had happened years ago was when my part time helper then "re-organized" all my books. I was out shopping and came back to see all my books being re-arranged according to their size and height! Yes, the shelves looked really neat and proper but what a challenge to look for a book afterwards! I cannot afford to add a strained neck to my present potpourri of "sensations"...

June 10 (Day 18 of cycle 3)

I spent all day today(Sunday) out of the house attending a talk by Puan Ainon Mohamad of PTS on writing "Novel Professional". I have to say she is a true visionary and really walks her talk. A friend pointed me to her blog and I have been following the activities of PTS and admire what she has been doing. A sharp business sense and a very sincere effort to encourage reading as a way to open up the minds of our people can be strongly felt when you hear her speak and the plans she has. A large sector of our population, in the rural areas especially, do not have means and access to what the more affluent and English-conversant city types have.




As a result they lack exposure to useful information and ideas that can help trigger and build their dreams and ambition. She is inviting writers in Bahasa Malaysia to come up with novels/storybooks that include details on how one gears up to achieve a vocation or become a professional, be it a tailor, cook, doctor, lawyer, pilot , the list goes on. Her target readers are 10 year olds upwards as that is the age from which children can start to expand their universe of information and build dreams and prepare to work on their dreams. It is not a "how to" guide but a story or novel to be weaved around the lives of people within a certain profession or vocation, within the normal structure of a novel. In following the story, an impressionable child would remember and retain bits of useful information that his mind can recall as he/she grows up to harness and nurture whatever dreams and aspirations he/she may have.




We are lucky to have people like Puan Ainon around. It was great to be at the talk as the attendees were of diverse backgrounds - writers, and people from various professions - doctors, lecturers, accountants, financial consultants,trainers and quite a number of entrepreneurs. It was a day well spent even though at times I was bothered by my arm and gastric pains and had to stretch and flex my arm, and munch horlicks tablets during the session. We stayed to talk further with her after the session and I could sense the sincerity and passion she has for what she is doing.




I had gone to the talk with my friend RJ and was pleasantly surprised to bump into someone I know there too. We had dinner on the way back. After a nice healthy lunch of loads of green vegetable during the lunch break at the seesion, I decided to have mee rebus for dinner (beef based). I packed Nasi Beriani Gam for my helper to reward her for cleaning all my bookshelves and for succeeding not to mess up the arrangement of my books. I have painstakingly sorted them in the order that will enable me to easily locate a book without tears.



I was totally zonked out by the time I got home but managed to rub nutmeg and gamat oil on my right arm before retiring for the night.

Same old, same old but it's Father's Day month!

June 8 (Day 16 of cycle 3)

My dad and one of the care-givers posing for a picture on the balcony that opened out from his room at the Nursing home he is staying in Bt Baru, Melaka. Very nice and airy, and opposite this house is a palatial mansion(with a huge duomo-like dome still under construction over 2 bungalow lots, and it was whispered that it belonged to a certain MP......and that construction has halted).

Maybe my dad is tired of looking at the palatial "eyesore" day-in and day-out? In the foreground is my cousin, who popped by quite often although he partially lives in Singapore and partially in Melaka. He and his wife have to drive to Singapore every month for medical check-ups with their doctors there as both are heart patients...

June 8 (Day 16 of cycle 3)

I am so grateful that no new side-effects have shown up so by now I am sort of getting used to the "usual" pains and side effects of late. I have also tried to incorporate certain actions to help ease and manage the side effects:

Mouth ulcers-continue salt water gargle after cleaning teeth, throughout the day. Apply glycerine borax at night. Will call Dr Priya my dentist if I could use the oral paste she provided in case I get gum infection to the ulcers at the end of my tongue or tonsils. Will definitely see her on Monday if the sores do not disappear by then. Eating which should be a pleasure after day 10 is now a painful process as swallowing involves the food passing across the ulcers and the pain is tear-inducing and bottom clenching. I am thankful though the ulcers are on one side of the mouth, so at least I can chew on the right side very very carefully so that the food will not migrate to the painful left side.

Sore bottom - must let my Onco know on Monday (when he will be in his clinic) on what I can do to relieve the discomfort. Read about a couple of pain relief creams that I could apply but will need his clearance in case the chemicals in it will react adversely with what my body is carrying. Will also start taking psyllium husk to cleanse my insides. The stuff doesn't look appetitising at all as it is just bulk to help with bowel movement and scrapping your insides so your digestive system is detoxified after a period of sluggish bowel.

Thrombophlebitis(tightness and stiff pain in veins of right arm)-continue to apply the hydorcortisone cream 3X a day and at night before sleep, apply minyak gamat. I go to bed smelling like a curry dish as other than gamat, the composition of this particular brand has coriander, ginger and turmeric ! The I use a "tuam", a sort of a hot compress by heating up a small cloth bag filled with lavender scented sand and drape the bag over my forearem. If nothing else, the gently scent of the lavender won over the curry aroma of gamat! Helps me to sleep soundly. Have not noticed any difference to the pain and stiffness but thankfully the pain hasn't grown worse.

Numb left arm -continue with anti-lymphedema exercise for surgery-side arm. And will now incorporate daily BRISK walk around area for 30 minutes instead of the gentle stroll I have been doing to get the newspaper. Continue with light yoga stretches daily. I am debating whether I should start a gym routine but decided against it until I am done with all the chemo cycles as I know I will not keep up especially when I am in my 1st week post-chemo.

Gastric spasms and pain-continue with the Nexium daily until I run out and take Gaviston during the day when the spasms strike. Thank God the spasms are not as intense and acute as before but they do strike a few times a day and at least twice during the night but I have a flask of warm horlicks at my bedsite, so that is manageable.

Other than that , I am in perfect condition. My energy is back and with the helper around we explore what I have hidden in boxes, shelves, nooks and corners. We found strange things-really strange things tucked away in storage shelves and I will definitely investigate what those things are and how they got to the places we found them. Some look really scary like black sand all over the luggage shelf of my wardrobe. How come I never notice them before?

The helper is coping quite well. I wonder how she will manage if she has to look after me and my dad, should he agree to stay here in KL with me. I had earlier asked her if she has taken care of her grandparents as her own parents are still very young, younger than I. She said no. Her grandparents are younger than my dad. I wrote a long letter to my dad, to explain why he needn't worry about me in KL as I have very good care-givers and support system here and that Insya Allah by September my treatments will be completed and I should be back to normal.

My younger sis-in-law made a trip to Melaka to visit him yesterday with my nephews and reassured my dad that I am managing well on my own. It seems he has been flinging about his meals and scaring the staff because they wouldn't let him leave to get a taxi. That's my dad, if he cannot get his way, he will throw tantrums but the best part is, I think he would forget about it later. My s-i-l reassured him that I have help around the house and that I am not alone. He was worried that I might be on my own and if anything happened or I died, no one will know about it to help.

I hope my letter will set his mind at ease. I explained why I needed to do the treatment and how I am managing with my friends' help. I told him my mind will be more at ease if he remains where he is, since none of my other siblings are in a position to offer their place to him. At least until all the chemos and radiation treatment are completed he should be under the supervision of the proffessionals at the private care center. We will see if I can convince myself to stay in Melaka again after all that has happened that made me move back to KL last year.

I plan to send copies of my letter to my siblings who have consciously or unconsciously chosen not to be involved with the dramas relating to my dad. It is after all, Father's Day month, and sometimes, no matter how busy one is with one's own family, it is probably good to be reminded that our father is still around and waiting..., waiting for some attention from his children who are all doing relatively well...maybe just getting old and infirm themselves. Alas...

Keeping the faith

June 7 (Day 15 of Cycle 3)

The pattern of waking up in the middle of the night to nurse my acid tummy and rub hot oil onto my my right forearm continued. So when the alarm went in the morning, I would wake up feeling like I had just dozed off, and it was quite a struggle to fight Setan who would want me to curl back under my covers. Just as well that I do not fancy cold oats and Horlicks which I know would wait for me downstairs after suboh if I lingerd longer than necessary.

Troy and Devi: "If you like sleep Mama Mi, you should have been a cat. We spend more time asleep than awake. We look cute when we are fast asleep and can melt even most hearts. But human beans don't look cute at all, some snore, some have their mouths open and they have those funny drools streaming out of their mouths...urgh....but just look at me and Devi fast asleep, aren't we adorable? Who would have guessed that a Vet nearly put me to sleep and you fought hard for me to be alive and nursed me everyday after my accident. You actually removed big fat jumping maggots from my wounds even though a silly worm would normally knock you out unconscious! You had faith in my wellbeing Mama Mi, and I made it....and now, you must have faith in yours...you are not the sort to give up easily, so hang in there Mama Mi...."

Okay lah, Troy....Insya Allah I will continue the fight even though it gets scarier each time due to the unexpected turn of events each cycle. The sore throat is becoming more intense so I need to adjust my diet to include easy to swallow food yet at the same time, include all the nutrients that I need. As for my arm, I have been told that hot Nutmeg oil rubs can help and so will Minyak Gamat. So I will start on those once the hydrocortisone 14 days prescription is used up.

My new helper has arrived and is around now so I have been busy showing her the ropes around the house. She is 26, from Cilacap, Java, married with 2 kids, 5 and 2 years old. I shared with her my dietary requirements and Kakak had obliged by saying that she would teach her (Vik) how the food should be prepared-not spicy, not greasy and certainly no MSG. So far so good, at least she can iron well, thanks to the extra dose of training at the center when she was "quarantined".

I had let her stay at the center for at least 2 weeks before picking her up to join me at home. Sort of a quarantine period as I wanted to make sure she is not having colds or flu. She had passed her medical and endorsed by Fomema, but just to play it safe, I am taking her to my own doctor for an independent opinion, especially on her chest x-ray as that seems to be the most common problem overlooked by the health authorities for all incoming workers. I hope she will work out. So far so good, the center had trained her well on ironing skills, and at least I can save some money on the laundry! Kakak can cook well but she tends to cook my clothes as well to a right crispy texture......

I got another call from the private care center where my dad is. He is packed to go home to look after me and has been throwing tantrums. He wants me to come and pick him up. He must be really worried and I feel so sorry that I had to tell him about my situation. I tried speaking to him over the phone but he couldn't hear 90% of what I said when I reassured him not to worry about me. But he doesn't want to stay in KL and that is an issue right now while I am managing my treatment. Besides, he shouldn't be seeing me when I am all nauseous and being plastered onto the sofa for the first few days of each chemo. That will indeed worry him, for sure.

I know I will spend sometime tonight trying to figure out how I need to manage and handle this. My other siblings are not "ngam" with my dad so I do not have anywhere to turn to on this. Short of me checking into the home myself(???) and staying there so he can see me and at the same time have access to proffessional carers and medical aid on short notice. Ya Allah, please let me have some pointers on how best to manage this so that it will be in the best interest of all concerned. Amin.

Things to be thankful for

June 6 ( Day 14, Cycle 3)


I did not sleep very well last night. I had to wake up twice at 2 am and just after 4 am to nurse my rumbling tummy which was giving me gastric pains. I tried taking some crackers and horlicks and 10ml of Gaviston after. It seems the gastric attacks are not letting up, and like it or not, I have to remember to have some crackers within reach to help fill up my tummy. It's not like I have not been eating. I have been keeping to a fixed schedule for the main meals and inbetween , would reach out for crackers and horlicks if the gastric pain plays up.


On day 13, there would be no more nausea. I have had the 2 booster shots of Neupogen given on 2 consecutive days ( a subcutanous shot via my tummy) and while I was fine after the 1st shot, the 2nd shot did result in the promised backaches. As it was a passing pain, it didn't bother me that much and I just need to remember that the pain would come shooting sometimes when I am getting up, or was turning around to reach out for something.


Thank God there was no more nausea. All I have to deal with now until things improve are a sore bottom, a sore throat ( or tongue, can't really tell) which makes swallowing crackers a bit of a challenge, gastric pains that comes and goes every couple of hours and my hardening chemo veins in my right arm. Quite a potpourri of pain and sensations to get used to and hopefully will disappear in time. I am just worried about the thrombophlebitis in my right arm, and concerned that all I am doing is rubbing a thin layer of hydrocortisone cream(1% steroid) over the affected area for 14 days. So far , I have not noticed an improvement and my elbow movements are restricted somewhat.


But I can still drive around and do personal chores. I met up for lunch with Dalilah, a lovely young lady who is a cancer survivor and we exchanged experiences. As expected, everyone goes through some similar side-effects but there were some that may be more prominent or less in others. She did not experience Thrombophlebitis ( but drug was administered via drip rather than manual) but she shared the common experience of gastritis, and how she managed her situation then.


I realised that all these pains and additional trials that are coming my way could be Allah's way of putting me on my toes, and that Allah will dish out just enough to get me off my comfort zone and get back on track. I had slowy assumed a "normal" life and treated myself to stolen moments of no-no(s) during treatment-the spicy curries and sambals sometimes because the tastebuds couldn't taste anything otherwise, and coffee because it smells so good! But I musn't let this continue and had got back on track after the serious gastric attack 2 Sundays ago.


Although I am riddled by the pains and side-effects that I have to manage, I
always try to take a moment each day to be thankful for the blessings that come my way. I always tell myself that things could be worse, and they weren't. I still have my mental faculty intact, so I can still pursue my favourite hobbies of reading, writing, and doing puzzles. I still have my sense of humour which is really helpful in seeing the positive and funny sides of things.


I have enough to enable me to live comfortably and independently while managing my illness and hopefully I am not causing a burden to others. I am also still able to help others if they need my help. I have a good support system to see me through my treatment. And when I feel ready, I can start on my personal projects that will make some of my dreams come true. My Dad is doing very well where he is , and my cats are managing without me just fine. And although I can't be with my long distance buah hati and he with me, our relationship hasn't changed just because I now am a BC patient. And today I heard that my PM is getting married! Now that is really something to be thankful for as no matter how important a man is, he needs a woman to stand by him and inspire him to do the right things..for us, for the nation...

My Boy Troy says: "Oh yeah? I don't need no woman....look, Milla is happily suckling me even though I am not a female cat. She thinks I am her surrogate mum and won't leave me alone..I like that, I feel really needed..."

Booster # 2

June 5 (Day 13, Cycle 3)

Ijan returned to Kampung today and I dropped him off at the Bangsar LRT for his onward journey to Pudu Raya for the Masjid Tanah bus. I went to the medical center for my second booster shot just before noon.


When I reached the Chemo daycare center, I bumped into an old, old colleague from the MNC I used to work for. It was a pleasant unpleasant surprise, that we both are undergoing treatment for the same problem, and the best part of all is she and her husband are living in the same neighbourhood as I am. What a small world. She looked good , with a smart wig and all, and after 4 cycles of AC and now a weekly low dosage of Taxotere, she appears to be coping very well indeed with the side effects.


She said the same thing about me, that I looked fine for someone after 3 cycles and getting gastritis, thrombophlebitis and sore mouth. We compared notes on our treatment and side-effects. She is very lucky indeed that she did not have to experience thromboflabitis even though she does not use a chemoport. But then again, her drugs were not manually administered but wee administered via drip method.


I made a point to discuss this with the Onco nurse and will probably mention to my Onco on the next visit before my 4th cycle is carried out. She said that as my veins have shown indication of being weak and "collapsing", we will need to make sure if manually administered, it has to be done at a slower rate and increase the amoutn of saline to flush through at the end of the drug administration.


I am trying not to think about chemo ports and blood transfusion right now. I went to the supermarket to stock up on beef bones (with marrow) to be turned into soups and broths for consumption between now and June 14th, the next chemo date.


My friend SNA came to sleep over so that she can join her nephew, who lives nearby , for a trip to Singapore tomorrow. My sis-in-law and nephews dropped by when I was out at dinner. As Kakak was around and let them in, they waited until we got back. They were planning to visit my dad before the school holidays are over and I wanted to send over some red dragon fruits which is my dad's flavour of the month.


The Neupogen finally did result in a slight back/waist ache. I should have taken the pain killers after all, but I believe it will pass and if I don't jump about too much, it would be manageable. Insya Allah, we'll see......

Thrombophlebitis, wazzat???

June 4 (Day 12 of Cycle 3)

This is my zillionth attempt to log on to do a posting. TMNet, buck up! My stress level is being tested really severely. The last thing I need after a somewhat harrowing time at the medical center is to sit in front of the computer endlessly trying to refresh a conection which keeps bumping me off? Is this a sign? Next time I go to Starbuck.


My interim FBC today was somewhat disappointing. 1.8 vs the 2.8 (after Cycle 1) and 2.4 (after Cycle 2). It seems to be dipping and showing a downward trend. Any lower and I may have to go for a transfusion. So it was another booster shot today (Neupogen this time and not Granocyte) and I have to go in again tomorrow for a 2nd booster shot. So, I may want to check out the sin-seh shop and ask them if they have anything specific to boost wbc. My doctor has nothing specific to recommend other than maintain a good, normal diet and to include red meat in my diet ofr overall blood heatlh. Which is what I have been doing. I have transformed myself from a once month steak person to a weekly red meat eating carnivore-liver, beef bones with marrow, beef, chicken, lamb cooked in various styles. Just imagine how worse off I might have been if I had stuck to a vegetarian or white meat only diet.


My regular Onco is on leave, so I got to see his Locum, Dr A. I asked her about my right forearm, why the stiffness and the pain. She told me my chemo veins might be inflamed and I have what the medical proffesion calls "Thrombophlebitis". My veins in which the chemo drugs were administered were inflamed and are blocked for normal flow, and hence the hardening. When I asked, she said the condition is reversible but will take a long, long time. I like it when doctors tell me as it is and not sugarcoat the real situation. At least I know that my right arm will need some careful handling.


I asked what could have caused it, should there have been more flushing with saline to get the drug moving along and coursing away into my entire system and not "held up" along the veins in my arm. She told me a bag of saline is usually sufficient. And that this happens sometimes to chemo patients who do not use chemo ports. But no one had advised me to look out for this possible complication. I felt slightly let down. Now I am told that in the event that the last 2 veins cannot be used for future chemos ( I have 3 more to go ), and if they cannot locate a fresh, strong vein, then a chemo port need to be inserted in my chest. I hope I will be spared another Op, another G.A. Just 3 cycles to go and I needed a chemo port? Might as well set one up in the first place before the whole chemo regimen started. Dr A prescribed a mild Hydrocortisone cream to rub on my arm to help reduce the inflamation.


When I got home, I called up my Breast Surgeon and asked her if she has come across similar patients with Thromboflabitis. She said it can happen but reversible with time. To be honest, the thought had crossed my mind before. That if the chemo drugs can kill cells, what damage can it do to my healthy veins as it is being injected slowly but manually through my veins. I now have questions in my mind like what is the rate at which the drug should be injected. I can see that for the more powerful AC-T dosages used for my other chemo buddies, they are given the dosage via a drip. For me, an Onco nurse sits by my side and shoots the drugs v.v.slowly into my veins with the saline entering via a drip. When the drug has been administered, I would continue to sit and wait until the bag of saline is emptied. I need to reconfirm for the next chemo the entire process again. How many bags of saline will be required to flush the chemo channel and how much time is allocated to shoot the chemo drugs and if the rate is safe enough for me now that we know my veins can get easily inflamed. Can it be done even more slowly or should I use a drip?


I felt angry. But at who and at what? I have primed myself when committing to the chemo regimen that I should expect the unexpected. So why am I mad? I have read almost all the books that I can lay my hands on and I had not come across anyone talking about Thromboflabitis. When I got back, I googled the word, twice, and twice my notebook did an automatic shutdown when I tried to open a file on the topic. So all I know about it now is that it is an inflammation of the veins due to the administration of the chemo drugs, and it can happen again. The OED describes only Thrombosis - a serious condition caused by blood clot forming in a blood vessel.


Now I am worried where the clot that is forming the blockage will go to, how do we get trid of it? Someone says to massage my arm gently and often to encourage flow and perhaps to dispel the clot and blockage, but where will it go? To my heart? To my brain? That will be more serious. I am beginning to sound paranoid but shouldn't I worry knowing what I know. It is no good watching to see what happens next, like what I had been doing in the last 3 cycles....read about the side-effects, looking out when they will happen, feeling strangely "relieved" when they happened.


I now need to ask everytime, what are the side effects even for the most simple treatment. When I was given boosters, I had asked what are the side effects? Backpains and bodily aches, I was told, so some strong painkillers were given for 2 days (with granocytes). This time I was given Neupogen but Dr A did not prescribe painkillers. I was told the side effects are the same. My Onco nurse asked if I wanted the painkillers.


At this point in time, I have the FEC in my system, I am taking Nexium daily with Gaviston 4X a day, I am rubbing Hydrocortisone on my arm, I have Neupogen shot into my tummy for 2 days. Do I really need more drugs in my body? I said no and told her that if it is just a backache that will pass I can live with it. So, no painkillers and guess what, there were no backpains either?! Maybe there were but between my slightly numb left arm(surgery side) and my stiff and "sengal" right forearm, I had probably grown immune to new pains?


All day I reflected about where I am in the process right now. Almost completing the 3rd cycle, almost completing 50% of the regimen. The surgery no longer bothered me except for the scars from the plaster allergy. The chemo is bothering me, a lot. Really a lot, I tried as much as I can to remain positive, keep my faith alive that the treatment is a passing journey,that I need to savour and learn what the journey is teaching me. It will make arrival at the destination much more worthwhile. It has been a test of will and fortitude.


I can appreciate why some people just gave up halfway, or even when they have just one more cycle to go. I had actually met a few. It is so easy to feel discouraged, especially if you are not made to understand why certain things happen. Chemo is no fun. I sometimes find myself asking the inevitable question which I believe crosses the minds of all chemo patients - can this be enough, I have done 2 or 3, I don't suffer from pain caused by the cancer, but the chemo is killing me and my energy, shall I stop here? I asked this question each time a bout of nausea and fatigue hits me, and so far, I have willed my spirit to go on, if only to have faith that it will help me be around longer if I continue with the chemo. As far as quality of life goes, it is zilch during chemo moments of side-effects, but I had always looked forward to the 3rd week post chemo when my energy level bounces back and I bounce back with a vengeance. Just 1 week each time of "normal" energy level is a blessing


Today, on Day 12, I am a bald headed chemo patient with nails clowly turning blue. My tummy twists and turn with gastritis although I have medication for it to reduce the pain, my left arm is slightly numb, my right arm is stiff and "sengal", one boob is slightly flattened but supposed to fill up again in good time, I do not have constipation but my bowel movement is a battle in its own right because I am not eating as much vegetables when eating only porridge for meals, I think I am getting fresh blisters in my left cheek and my mood is erratic.
BUT I AM ALIVE. Syukur Alhamdullillah I am alive.


I had 3 friends visiting at various times today after I got back from the medical center. So I had less time to be bitchy with myself. One brought a book she said that is really good for me to read at this time - Man's Search for Meaning-by a physician Victor E Frankl, a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps in Krakaw and Dachau. He proved that regardless of what outward calamities one has to endure, at the end of the day, survival is about controlling the mind, the mind and one's faith will help a person to overcome anything. Nothing new really, as I know how powerful the mind is and I had heard this before, but it will be interesting to read about how this guy lived through the horrors of Nazi death camps, where death was a sure thing for most of the inmates.


Hopefully I will be further inspired. My dear brother is really worried about me and decided to stay on in KL for another day to see that I will be okay after my second booster. I am off now to get the second booster.

Interim Blood Count (FBC) tomorrow

June 3 (Day 11 of Cycle 3)

Rosella Petals ( also known as Ribena Flower or Hibiscus fruit)

I will be going for my interim FBC tomorrow and if my wbc count is low and less than 3.0 whatever, I will be given a booster over the next 2 days to prop up the count in time for the next chemo (the 4th cycle) on June 14. I don't really know what to expect, as I have tried, as before, to eat up for my wbc count (pucuk midin, kacang botol as well as beef broth from beef bones/marrow) but the effort seemed to keep it at 2.0++ but not more than 4.0. What I have not tried is ganoderma (linzhi mushroom) and that is because it is not easily available in shops. At least not anywhere near where I live.

When I buy something as important as a supplement to help my body recover, I have a strong preference to buy it from someone I can personally see, talk to and interview (more like asking silly and obvious questions, just to be sure).

In any case, que sera sera. I have been boiling red dates and drinking the infusion as it is supposed to help boost blood. The same with Rosella buds. These are fleshy red petals of what is locally known as "Hibiscus" fruit ( but really a flower) and the infusion, deep ribena coloured, tastes almost like cranberry or grape juice, sourish-sweet and very pleasant to drink and thirst quenching. Especially useful to get me to drink as my tastebuds have now developed an aversion to plain water, especially if I see ice cubes floating in the glass which would trigger a wave of nausea. The only plain drink that I can handle right now is air zam zam, but my supply is running out and saving that for severe gastric attacks as the high ph content of the water is very soothing for an acid tummy.

I must remember to check with the doctor about this hardening of the veins in my wrist and forearm (right, non-surgery side) and explore what could have been a probable cause. Someone I met at the Relay For Life event mentioned that I might be developing "kelloids"(??) in the area where the chemo injections were done and I need to make sure I massage the area after each treatment to prevent kelloids. If this is true, then I have to admit that I wasn't aware that it was something I had to do, so did not do it. Infact, I had avoided touching or rubbing the area where the chemo was done in case I rupture or injure a vein. Or so I had thought.

So the new piece of information that I should be massaging it well after treatment was and is news indeed to me and I wonder why I have not been instructed or advised to do this. It is usual for some saline to be continuously dripped to flush out the veins after each chemo session is done and I remember this was done at the last cycle. In any case, I am sure there will be an explanation and that if required, I will be prescribed whatever necessary to help relieve the feeling of tightness in my forearm.

I spent 7 hours away from home today. At 3pm, SNA and her son came by, SMM later joined in and we ended up going to Ikea at Ikano. I ended up buying a bed for the maid ( she will be more of an assistant than a maid as I don't really need a maid) who will be joining my household by the end of the coming week. SMM got a typist chair for me as an early birthday present as they see how much time I spent on the computer but sitting on an antique chair which is all wrong ergonomically for long bouts of keyboarding on a desktop.

Ikea was so crowded, today being Sunday, the school holidays and start of the month ( fresh from payday), and I really had to make sure I didn't get trapped within a crowd that might be sneezing or coughing. The place was so packed and we had to inch our way through the maze of Ikea aisles and display items as though we were on a conducted tour of a museum or gallery on a package holiday....! I felt like fainting by the time we reached the Cashier and luckily my friend's son was able to get some hot Ikea currypuffs ( very tasty with egg) for us to munch through while waiting in the queue! Okay, the currypuffs only contained very mild curry flavoured potato and egg filling so I don't think my Onco will be displeased.

After afternoon tea at a very cosy teaplace at The Curve (it was pouring cats and dogs outside) we decided to go to Tesco to get the weekly grocery shopping done. We spent quite a bit of time at Tesco as there wasn't much point rushing back as we would have been caught in the traffic jam outside. My tummy was beginning to feel sharp again, so we decided to have dinner before heading for home. Dinner was at Madam Lim's - a wide variety of one-dish meals at very reasonable prices and very,very tasty. Everyone enjoyed their selection tonight. I had a mild Meehoon Soup with absolutely no accompanying cili padi in soysauce. I took some Gaviscon afterwards.

And believe it or not, we stopped by Kayu for "one for the road" Teh Tarik before we actually headed home. We were still caught in traffic at 10.15pm and it was just as well that we made use of the loos at The Curve or else SNA will have some people bursting their bladders in her MPV while we inch our way back to Sri Hartamas.