Finally, the Real Pecah Beling !

Fresh Pecah Beling and Green Apple(blended)

Close up of Pecah Beling (Strobilanthes Crispus)

Below: Nadia with the plant, which travelled by road all the way from Penang!

Finally, the long "hunt" for Pecah Beling is over!!

And yes, it is VERY different in texture from the various leaves that I have been spying on during walks - the leaves may have looked similar but stark differences are obvious when I finally got to see the real plant. For a start, it is not a weed but an actual shrub plant with green almost woody stems. The leaves are deep green and feel really coarse, almost like sandpaper. I think if you have that plant at home, you can use it to scrub your pots and pans if you run out of kitchen sponge. And yes, the leaves are..........jagged.

Last evening I received my "supply" of Pecah Beling , a sackful almost! Enough plants for me to try( blend 25 leaves with half an apple, 3 times a week for its rich antioxidant property) and to use the stems to grow it in my shoebox of a garden. I was sooooo excited and so were the cats.

I had managed to call Lilly who grows the plant in Penang, she takes it religiously. As she was in Kelantan when I called, she suggested I contacted someone she knows in Penang who would be able to provide some to me. That I did, and that is how I managed to get a bountiful supply last night.

I was lucky that a friend was in Penang on business and she would be driving back to KL. So to cut a long story short, she was kind enough to collect the plants from the very nice person who supplied us with it.

The juice tastes quite pleasant ( of course I added an apple in case I get put off by its naked taste) and I think it is easy to get used to. It is non-toxic, and has no side effects, so it can easily be consumed like you would any other juice. Some people would take a few leaves, crush them, and leave them to steep(brew) in boiling water for 10 minutes to drink as a tea. Blending it is of course much more nutritious as fresh juices will retain the nutrients they contain.

Information on Pecah Beling is available at the http://www.melur.com/ website, so I will not repeat it here. It has received wide testimonials ( not controlled clinical tests) for being a helpful supplement to increase immunity and may be helpful in managing the health of cancer survivors. Some experiments done by USM ( on animals) have indicated that the extracts can reduce tumours . No tests have been done on humans yet but research on its properties is continuing.

Lets hope the scientists will be able to conclude their findings soon!

Cancer Carers Conference March 15(tomorrow!)

ANNOUNCEMENT

The Cancerlink Foundation ( HQ in Petaling Jaya) is organising a 1-day conference specially geared for attendance by Cancer Patients, Cancer Survivors as well as Cancer Care-Givers.

Details as follows:

What: Cancer Carers Conference
When: March 15, 2008 ( 9am - 5pm) *Registration 7.30-9 am
Where: Eastin Hotel, Petaling Jaya
What will it cost: RM 50 ( includes 2 coffee breaks and lunch)

It is open to all. According to the Cancerlink Foundation, the programe includes talks and discussions by healthcare proffessionals and guests from the medical proffession. It is expected that 200 participants will attending the event.

If you have not registered, you may still do so at the venue before the start of the event.
Inquiries please contact The Cancerlink Foundation at 03-79567789.


It will be a great way to network with other survivors and people in the healthcare industry. I look forward to use it as a forum to seek any clarifications that may be required with the experts and experienced there. And also to air all those questions about cancer that you have always wanted to know but was afraid or ave forgotten to ask.

I will have to give my Saturday Qigong meet a miss in order to attend this full day event, but I think it will be worth it....

Pecah Beling ( or Not?)

Question: Is this how Pecah Beling looks and is that how the plant grows - on long stems? That's Wik, my helper, posing with the "Bayam" that we plucked out from the ground near my house.


I am a great fan of "Ulam" and it goes without saying that fans of Ulam are also great fans of Sambal Belacan. But alas, due to a self-imposed period of recovery from double surgery in 2007, I have to avoid all things that might cause inflammation or allergies. So out the window (and main door too, I might add) go all kinds of exotic delicacies - tempoyak, cencaluk, budu , pekasam, just to name a few. My doctors told me I can eat anything, within reason, no pantang. I tried eating prawns, squid, kembung and paid dearly for it when I itch like a monkey. So for now it is trial and error, and taking meat and seafood sparingly or not at all, and only white fish.
And I itch less....

My years in boarding school (TKC in the 60's and early 70's) brought me into contact with friends from all over Malaysia and it was there that I mastered the art of eating everything that someone else has eaten even though I haven't. I learnt a lot too about all kinds of ulam2, and sayur2 as food is naturally a favourite topic in between studying for exams and talking about boys. When I went home for the holidays I would introduce what I had learnt to my family, for example to enjoy Budu with Ikan bakar. I would learn too of ulams that I have not heard of before, as my repertoire of ulam then would be Timun and Petai.

By the time I left TKC, I have heard of Ulam Raja, Peria Katak, Tenggek Burung, Pucuk Betik, Bebuas, Pucuk Gajus, Daun Selom, Pegaga, loads. But I cannot recall everbeing told that there is a daun called Pecah Beling,which according to what I read in the comment page of a website on local herbs www.melur.com a tea and some say can be prepared as a sayur! The tea is supposedly helpful to manage batu karang ( stones in kidney) and has been researched as a possible supplement to manage cancer. No clinical research per se has been done to support this, but there has been a few by word-of- mouth kind of testimony. If it does not have any side effects and directionally can help to manage cancer, then it sounds quite appealing. One more local herb or ulam to add to my ever-expanding repertoire Ulam2.




Question: Is this Pecah Beling? Close-up picture fits the web and book description but edges are not serrated. I took this photo of the growth near my house. It looks like the web image somewhat.


Based on the image displayed in the website and also the description I got from a book, it would seem that this is a very common herb ( or should I say weed?). Seems to flourish in semak 2 and belukar, has stems like daun kesom ( for laksa) and feels kesat like sandpaper on the surface. The description fits the abundance of growth that I see on my walking trail in my housing area, Bt Kiara Walking trail as well as at Taman Rimba Kiara. The only feature that is missing is the leaf is supposed to be "bergigi 2"(serrated) along the edges. So because I am unsure, I can't confirm and do very much with it.

I am still checking this out. At time of writing a friend who happens to be in Penang is going to try and locate or go to the Melor outlet to see if she can buy some for me. I can then compare what she brings back with what is growing here. I have tried to get in touch with Melur.com but unable to get a reply using the number listed in their website. I suppose to be sure I can mailorder a plant or 2 as their website does internet sale.

There is a lady who swears by this herb, and I have been fortunate enough to be given her contact number so I shall make it a point to contact her soon to find out more. And then decide how I can use the information. It is always good to learn about how others are coping with their health, and then decide if there is anything that we can adopt or adapt to.

The Vote was Cast - The Day After

Bouncer & Blackie: "Hey, that was quick...you were hardly gone 10 minutes! Are you sure you voted correctly, Mama Mi? Put the "X" in the right box?"
(Morning of March 8, 2008 - D-day)

Let's celebrate by being thankful that democracy is very much alive and our PU12 was smooth.....

(Morning of March 9, 2008 - the day after)

The people have spoken. The writing is on the wall. The message seems loud and clear. I have deep respect for the electorate who have exercised their democratic right. And moving forward, we hope and we pray to dear God that we will all contribute to make this nation work - BN component parties, the Opposition and the people ( you and me ) they represent. It is now the day after, I have just woken up after sleeping in all day ( almost, until a friend called to ask me to have tea in Bangsar after Asar) and I was still trying to convince myself that I have not dreamt it all - the election results, that is.

What a day it was on March 8. I woke up early, bid farewell to my 5 cats at 8.30 am and walked to the Sri Hartamas school (3 minutes away) which is the polling station for Segambut. I did not have to queue even though I bumped into a few of my neighbours who had gone to "pangkah".

I was back home well before 9 am and stayed in all day, staying glued to the tv, wired to the laptop and mobile. And did not sleep until about 6 am this morning....

I half expected the outcome but was fully shocked when it happened - that the BN took a severe beating even though it succeeded to form a government under its banner. Except in those 5 states - Kelantan, Penang, Kedah, Perak and...even Selangor!?. I expected small "dinks" here and there but to lose 5 states and losses by senior ministers? Did we see it coming? Perhaps. Did we as a nation do anything about it? We must have, we sent a clear and loud message through loaads of xxxxxxxxx's. We love this country, as we all belong to this country. That is why we have to be honest and spill our guts via the xxxx's to those who will help us run this country better. So that they will run it really well. Not just for them only, but for all the people who place them there.

Here's to acceptance and to a commitment to make this election result the best ever. Not in terms of majority or who has been booted out or swept in. For BN rooters, let's look at it positively that an honest message has been signed, sealed and delivered and the BN can take heed that times have changed. The world around us has changed, our people have changed in adapting to globalisation, so must the way the powers that be run the country, for the people.

The information highway cannot be ignored, it is very much the lifeblood of any organisation. Information and communication is everything. Action and results are merely translation of what have been communicated. For the Opposition who now have been given a strong vote of confidence by the people, do walk the talk and work with powers that be to protect our interest. We voters expect you to work as a team and not to out-do one another, at our expense. Learn the ropes from the veterans.

While the PM is busy forming a new cabinet, I thought I will do the same - form a a new

"Cat-binet" at home. My 3 cats ( Troy, Ashely and Puteri) are really bored in KL and I think if they can talk or vote, they will vote to live in Kampung - more space and freedom to roam. Blackie and Bouncer, the 2 rescued cats are now very dear to me after caring for them all year ( Bouncer since August 2007). They will not be caged as they have always been strays, it will be cruel to confine them. But they are always getting into skirmishes with neighbour's cats and dogs and always in and out of the Vet's clinic and surgery. Very time consuming, not to mention very costly. I could have gone around the world on the vet's fees. I may decide to relocate them to Kampung so they can roam freely there, no dogs. It's just a question of how will it rock the "hierachy" in Kampung where Jebat is "king" being the only resident male cat un-spayed. Will he feel threatened by Blackie and Bouncer, and will they get into skirmishes? Bouncer suffers from a low immunity illness ( even though he is a fat cat) and can't really afford to get too many cuts and infections.

Hmmm...tough decision. But a decision needs to be made for their sake as well as mine, as I get very upset whenever they come home with a torn ear, gaping wounds on their forelegs and scratches galore on their bodies. I feel their pain when they whimper and I do want the best for them, within what I can provide...gotta decide soon...

7 days to March 8!

Miss Gigit having an afternoon snooze ....zzzzzz

Miss Gigit: "ZZZzzzzz, go vote wisely Mama Mi.....make sure the candidates will not increase the price of fish, Friskies, IAMS,Whiskas, Royal Canine and cat litter. And that they outlaw people who are cruel to animals. We are peaceful creatures....we sleep all day and keep ourselves out of trouble.....Zzzzzzzzz"

Last year, March 8 was the date of my second surgery to remove a 1.5cm malignant lump discovered by chance. The lump was removed from my left breast, a series of treatment follows and life goes on. Decisions were made, and actions taken. Even where it seemingly appears as though no action has been taken ( because of "deviation" from the tested norm), it was the result of a well thought out decision. A decision that the decision maker(moi!) has to live with and abide by. Making and arriving at a decision that is different from the norm is never easy. It is much easier to decide on concensus, much harder to do it differently. We all have faith on the tried and tested, supported by statistics and numbers. One must not forget however, that much as it is less of a hassle to go with the flow and follow the numbers, we have to be true to ourselves, and to listen to our inner voice. And to do something, anything, only when and only if, we are 101% convinced that the action is the right thing for us. That is not to say that once certain decisions are made they are cast in stone. That would be foolish. Some decisions need to be evaluated and assessed on an ongoing basis as situations change, and when they do, certain decisions need to be either updated or totally unravelled. Until that time, we live according to what we have put our hearts and soul into, and hope and pray that our decision was the best for us.

So it is with this coming election. Come March 8 we cast our vote to select the leaders who are to serve us and keep this nation running at full tank! No siphoning resulting in us running on less than full tank.We want a safe, secure, clean, happy, healthy, wealthy nation - for EVERYONE. A tall order. But it is our right and prerogative to want the best for us. Not for someone else to tell us what is good for us but what we have evaluated as being what we need in order for us to make good.

On March 8, 2008, we have a decision to make and to select wisely on who will be able to deliver what is needed to make this country better than it has ever been. A simple "X" it may be if you are voting, but place the "X" in the wrong box and you live to regret it for the next 4 years when you see clowns acting up only in their best interests even after pledging to care for the whole nation. You make a decision not based on your neighbour or your respected mentor's choice but solely on information and knowledge that you would have gathered, collected and observed between election periods. You evaluate, you weigh and you decide.

Sure you may discover it might be a big mistake later on, but that's what makes us different from God, the all-knowing. On the other hand, you may find that your decision was spot on and has resulted in what you have been expecting from your choice. Never mind what the crowd thinks, they are entitled to their opinion and their choice.

The deluge and overload of information flooding every possible communication media is not meant to mislead you. The claims and "blowing of trumpets" on accomplishments and promises are to be expected. If we have been keeping our eyes, ears and noses effectively working, we will be able to verify all these campaign talks and even question some of them. It is those who have been sleeping, and just enjoying being spoonfed with useless information that might continue to be misled, unwittingly. Not just the candidates need to do their homework and sweat it out for this coming election. The raakyat need to as well. Look back at what and where we were, look at where we are now and think of what we want down the road. Look at your candidates, and assess if they deserve to be re-elected ( if the same person standing), and do some homework to investigate and evaluate if someone deserves to be given an opportunity to lead, if a new face.

Then make your choice. And live with it.

I enjoy the various campaining mediums that are being used this time. At least we are going somewhere there - going hi-tech and going "corporate". We can see that the parties and candidates are really using their heads and resources to reach out to the rakyat. I specially like the BN's "MALAYSIA 2008 Progress Report andManifesto". I think "Corporate Malaysia" and I like the form of that report. It reminds me of corporate life when we have to annually list out annual goals and objectives, which are not only measurable but transparent and visible, and which are in line with the corporate mission and vision. It is obvious that the BN is making a concerted effort to reach out to the "thinking" population and to the intellectuals. The copy I got is in English and I don't know at this time if versions in other languages have been distributed as well. I would assume so, though it is hard for me to imagine such booklets being distributed in the kampungs, kawasan pendalaman and squatter areas. It is now for me to evaluate the substance of BN's report and compare its contents with my own assessments over the last few years, and over the last few months.

Recent events to me are good barometers of how a ruling party is going to turn out if they win the election. If anything, the next 7 days before decision time will be greatly influenced by what is happening during the period, not what good have happened in yonks. The good/bad that was done is history. We move on. An election is not about rewarding or punishing the candidates for past deeds or early rewards for yet to be fulfilled promises. It is the future we want to invest in, and like any investments there will be an element of risk. But make it a calculated risk. I have faith in the government machinery, but want to take extra care in selecting the candidates who will be running and managing the machinery.

In it's simplest term, for me, an effective government is a government with an effective Opposition. I don't think I want to ever be in a country where there are no Opposition parties. Not parties who are continuously opposed to the the government just for the sake of living up to their name. But an Opposition who will question, stretch and work with the ruling party to sort out any "grey" areas so that a true consensus is reached before any important policy decisions are made that will affect the rakyat.

On March 8, who ever it is that I will be voting for is someone I hope who will be able to help sort out a few "grey" areas for me.....and use their clout and position to look into some of the areas which I feel should have been addressed more effectively and aggressively. More action, less empy talk and meaningless jargons.

-when including statistics in reports that are supposed to make us go "aaah!" with delight eg hardcore poor is down by x%, please clearly define how the group has been identified. Likewise when stating that household incomes has increased , how was the number determined - arithmetical average, median, and what is the mode? It is very misleading to be excited that "household incomes rose from monthly average of RM 3,249 to RM3, 617". How many households exceed this average and how many are way below? A 2-person household may derive a monthly income of RM 40,000 or more and a household of 7 ( one working mother or father with 5 growing kids ) may only earn RM 1500 a month. How is that "household income monthly average" arrived at? I am not thrilled at the number because it is just a number, as I do not know how to interprete it to convince myself that we are indeed doing better. It could mean the rich are getting richer while the needy ones are still as many, if not more in numbers. Those studying statistics ( people in advertising, market research, journalism, politics etc) know that unless more than just the numbers are given, the "statistic" itself is pretty much useless.

-Elected leaders, especially in the rural areas should not just stop at fighting for electricity and water for out-of-town locations. 50 years after independence and we still have areas with no proper drainage systems. Monsoon drains have been promised but still outstanding in completion, so drains are just dug-outs with no proper barriers to minimise the risk of erosions and worse, of having animals, children falling into them. Rubbish collection is also something taken for granted, that people would consume their own rubbish? The good ones would burn their rubbish in the kampungs, but there are some even in towns who throw their rubbish away, anywhere, as long as it is out of their own backyard! What can be done, how can we improve our garbage management once we step out of the golden triangle or the posh postal addresses? There is no collection systems for some places even though ( outwardly) that can be easily included especially for kampungs between 2 towns through which the Town Council trucks pass by. Under the same subject, neat little buildings were set up as collection centers in some "kampung towns" to encourage recycling but the place is locked, no one is really managing it and rubbish is being strewn OUTside the building as the residents must be really fed up to find the place locked up at all times after they took the trouble to haul up recyleables from their homes!

- Beautiful libraries are built in some kampungs to inculcate the reading habit. Kudos to the administrators who made sure that current periodicals and journals, newspapers, magazines are available daily (except weekends when libraries are closed). But sadly the book collections are really pathetic. It is a shame since the building itself is nice and well kept ( so far) but the kids patronising the library are only using the place to revise, bringing their own documents and homework there but no exposure to a good book collection that could have increased their knowledge!

- Not many old folks are lucky to have children who compete to take care of their welfare during their golden years. Not many children are lucky to have aged parents who want to stay with them or being looked after, as even in their old age, some folks are just too independent and do not like to be mothered and smothered by their children. So how about each kampung or housing area being required to have a Daycare center( run by volunteers or paid workers) for not only children but old folks who would otherwise be left alone at home when everyone else is out ( to go to work, college etc). This would still preserve the family unit instead of old folks making a decision to register in a nursing homes away from their loved ones, so that they can be with people their age. People are living longer and not everyone can afford nursing homes and paid care-takers . I am not sure what "monthly assistance for the elderly increased from RM 135 to RM 200" is all about in the report, is that a one-off at HRaya or CNY? Even so what can RM200 do these days. Better to plan or organise a community where they can mingle and be active and free to come and go. The baby boomers are well into their golden years now and come the next few elections, they will form a major segment of the voting public.

-Elected leaders can learn emphathy and learn how the "other side" lives. Instead of inviting anak2 yatim to experience what it is like living in a palatial mansion for just a day in their life ( and then they go back to their miserable and probably lacking in some basic amenities homes) why not do it the other way round. Go and make a surprise weekend visit to the house of say a rubber tapper or rubbish collector, or a police constable or army rank and file, live their life for a day and convince yourself that "their lot has improved".

I was in a queue in a bank recently and this poor old man ( in his 60's)was queueing up in front of me. He has all but 63 ringgit to bank into his savings account, holding a worn out and weathered looking savings passbook in his equally weather beaten hands. I overheard him telling the cashier that this is a "good month" and that normally he hardly has 50 ringgit to save up for a "motor" ( motorbike? ) And to think that some people buy luxury cars (that can pay for a whole row of single storey terrace houses) for their wives or girlfriend as a birthday gift. That incident left me stunned and I thought of instances when people think nothing of paying twenty or thirty over grand for a mere handbag so that they are seen with the "right bag".....or the "right watch" or the "right shoes". And in our "negara makmor" a hardworking man has to save a lifetime to get 2 wheels to call his own ( probably a kap-cai?)

-Okay, I will stop being petty....but most importantly can the elected representatives promise that if "they cannot beat them, please DO NOT join them". Please. Corruption exists. Not just in this country but globally. No one is perfect, no government is either. So please do not abuse your office and do not add to the corruption index. The BN Manifesto says to REDUCE corruption. Why not ERADICATE or WIPE OUT? We have to aim loftily for the moon to get somewhere near the stars. REDUCE is not good enough, but I appreciate the effort. Go grab the corrupt ones by their balls to deter new ones.

-And be fair. Let's not make a laughing stock of ourselves. Everyone is equal before the law, so let us practice that. No more silly it-sounds-like-me,-it looks-like-me situations. Who are we fooling? And cases that drag and drag and drag due to lack of evidence because some people who are more important thatn you or me might be involved?

These are some of the few at the tip of my tongue or should I say fingers without even thinking very hard. Everyone has their own list. How confident are we that our list will be attended to? And who shall we vouch for, to help us sort out our list, not forgetting that the first step has to be ours. By voting wisely.

So do vote wisely. It is not a time for blind faith, emotions, or worse, revenge. It is a time to be true to yourself, to heed what is going on around you, to digest the information and put the knowlede to good use by choosing wisely.

Good luck ( to all of us). May our decision be the right one. Insya Allah.

The latest Check Up

I did not know what to make of my last follow-up visit with my Onco. My first follow up after completing the standard surgery, chemo and radiation treatments in late October was interpreted as "okay" and that my CT Scan then required me to do another in 3/4 months time. This was due to the radiologist's report on the chest scan that read "There are 3 mediastinal nodes , measuring 11mm in the anterior mediastinum, 17 mm in the petracheal space and 16 mm in the aortapulmonray window. Conclusion: Three mediastinal nodes. They are low in density with no enhancement and may rperesent reactive nodes rather than metastasis." I certainly hoped and prayed that these are benign. I have not started on Tamoxifen or any other estrogen-inhibitor drugs, so naturally I was quite worried and took care that I do not jeopardise my health further by making sure I balanced my lifestyle with healthy eating, proper exercise ( daily 1-hr walks and Qigong), lots of fluids (juices and plain filtered water), multivitamins and lots of doa and remaining positive that I should be able to maintain this lifestyle long term so that it becomes second nature and routine. And daily selawat doa and prayers on the sejadah, for at the end of the day, we can only usaha and the Almighty decides.....

It was with such nervous tremors that I went to my 2nd follow up. I know the question of Tamoxifen will come up again and the CT scan will have to be repeated. At RM 1200 per scan, every 3 months, it is much more than what the daily Tamoxifen will cost me annually. When my Onco asked how I am, I told him the truth ie that I feel fine. He had 5 visiting doctors in his clinic that day ( from Vietnam) and he shared with them my medical history, and as though to complete the profile, mentioned that I should have started on Tamoxifen but has not yet.

They all turned to me and asked why not, and that I should. There were 3 ladies among them and I asked if any of them has been diagnosed with BC. Of course they are all hale and healthy as

doctors should be, given all the information and knowledge they have on treatment and cures. No one has had BC. I shared with them that I have courageously endured the surgery and it's aftermath ( left arm still numb and left breast still tender, as though the scars within are still mending even though the external scars are "fine") even though I had thought the lump was too small to necesitate surgery. I was a stage 1 with no lymph nodes affected baed on the examination of the 21 lymphnodes removed from my axilla. I endured the trials and tribulations of chemotherapy and all that it entailed, and am still mending. Though hair and nails are almost back to normal (my big toe nails are still trying to outgrow the blue nails), the rash on my left foot comes and goes. I am glad to be alive but can't help feeling annoyed when the rash flares up and caused severe itching which drives me crazy. I met some BC survivors who have the same problem ( some worse than me - both feet and their soles too). I mentioned that to the doctors. I am okay with that remaining side effect, as I had opted for the chemo earlier to make sure that any stray or escaped cells during surgery are rounded up by the FEC. Insya Allah. My body now feels prickly when I first break into a sweat whenever I exercise, but once the perspiration flows, I am okay. That is also something "new and different" that might be a result of toxins still trying to pour out of my body via my skin. Radiation was not much of an endurance while undergoing it but 2 weeks following, my skin (on the affected breast)was burnt as toast and itched so bad. Vitamin E oil helped, and apart from some parts which remained dry ( daily Vitamin E body lotion helped to moisturise it), everything seems fine. Except that I may not know at this point what other side-effects the 25 sessions of xrays could lead to, on the other parts of my body which might have been exposed to the rays. I felt that I have placed my faith and my life to God and modern science by having undergone all the last three therapies and that the "known enemy" then had been sorted out. The next phase of this "war on BC" to me, is just like any other effort that I, or anyone else, even the ones who are lucky to be healthy at this point, must be responsible and accountable for. I would like to place my health and my life in my hands and God's. If modern science had been true in it's prognosis and treatment, my zero lymph nodes meant that the BC had not spread, and even if 1 wicked cell had escaped, the chemo should have handled that throughout the 6 cycles and 18 weeks of endurance. The radiation would have scraped of any residual surrounding cells surrounding the surgery area. By definition, I should have a body wiped clean of all the problem cells existing then. What I need to do is to perservere to make sure new ones do not proliferate, and that they will leave my body alone, or better still leave for good. I pray everyday for good health, and treat my body well, what more can I do to ensure my body will be so unwelcoming to potential BC cells. It is not a 2 year or 5 year process, but a life-long one and I am prepared to take that task and face the consequences.

To be fair to the good doctors who have the patient's welfare as a high priority, I was not a "good" patient that day. Degil. Very degil. My Onco says he is dissappointed that I still am not ready to start on Tamoxifen, not even for a month. He says not to wait too long before it is too late. Honestly, I have not discounted Tamoxifen. I would not think twice if any of my lymph nodes had tested positive and/or I am at a late stage (na'u zubillah!). But I wasn't. I just did not feel it right to subject my body to more drugs ( and the risk to my uterus, et al) if it is not really crucial. It is not an easy choice made by simply tossing a coin. It is a deliberate choice based on lots of personal research and talking to live cases and where one minute I think I would go for it, and then the next, I thought no I would not. I flip-flopped, yes but eventually my inner voice tells me to hold off for now. If I don't listen to my inner voice( which is also based on a lot of consultations with God during berdoa sessions), then it is like saying I do not own my body.

I need to take ownership of my body, and my health, to the best of my ability and within reason too, and live well knowing that the experts will be there should God decide so. Insya Allah.

The latest CT scan that day again showed the same mediastinal nodes, but thankfully no new ones and they are all at the same size. In fact, one had actually shrunk by 2mm. When I was reading about mediastinal nodes and why there might be tumours at the mediasternum region, one of the possible causes quoted was possibly exposure during xrays and radiation therapy. I was also in October 2007 experiencing an extended bout of colds and chest infection, and that could also be a reason. In any case, it was not something that I had wished to see on my report but since it is there, the information is helpful so that I can be on the lookout for any chest discomforts or problems that could arise.

For now, I am thankful that my Onco did not press me further, and I hope he respects my desire to manage my health on a more holistic level. He did not seem interested to know about the rash on my left foot, which is fine by me even though I told him that while waiting for my turn I met 2 other ladies who had similar ( and worse problems) with their rash. I shared with him that I am not into alternative therapies, if that is what he is concerned about. I consider myself a follower of conventional (allopathic) medicine where it matters, and would complement that with a healthy approach to living which I should not pause for even a minute. I have faith in the approach I had taken with the team of doctors, and I now have faith in the lifestyle I am keeping for a more wholesome approach - a healthy living full of gratitude to the Almighty for the simple pleasures that life can bring, with a much lesser focus on material wellbeing ( it has never been that important to me but I admit I was surrounded by such people earlier and I am managing that now so that they bear less of me).

While family and friendships are managed more wisely now so that I have more of my own "me" time, my health and spiritual commitment take priority. I start the day being grateful to Allah for all his blessings to me and family and spend quiet early moments on the sejadah, thankful to be alive. Yes, there are twitches and pains in the body which beg to be noticed, but I got used to them. Besides, show me a 50 something who doesn't have an ache in their body and I will show you a golden liar! After subuh ( done at leisure and not rushed through like those days of yore!), it will be me and my carafe of filtered water - 4 glasses, before I even greet my babies! I have been practicing this since treatment time. It is much easier now compared to those days when even plain water tasted yucky and metallic.

Then a good 45 minutes of pottering about the house and bond with my babies - Troy might be in his basket, Ashley atop a shelf or cupboard- she likes the view from the top, and Putri might be on my cosy armchair in front of the TV. Bouncer and Blackie sleep outside in the patio,so they would be pawing on the glassdoor asking to be let in. By this time I would be ready to have a light breakfast of warm water, then juice or jamu (kunyit assam with a dash of lime, either freshly made or 2day old boiled version) and wholewheat slices with Marmite for taste ( a bit salty but rich with Vitamins B) and a plateful of fruits-of-the-day. Centrum multivitmins follow. I do not put salt in my cooking if I have Marmite for breakfast. Marmite is soul food for me, reminds me of early childhood when my Mum had to coax us to take it. I took Marmite during my England student days, only to relieve the homesickness I felt every now and then. It has now become an acquired taste.

About an hour after breakfast, I walk to the nearby Park-cum-Playground to practice my Guolin Qigong walk. That takes an hour , inclusive of closing-rest session. Qigong must not be practised on an empty stomach and has to be at least 30 minutes after a light meal or 2 hours after a heavy one. By the time I get home, I will be ready to face the day, after a good shower to rinse off the sweat that would have pricked my skin and poured out in rivulets. My hair would be wet after the exercise as though I had just been in the rain. I would feel really good. It could be the health benefit of the exercise which is supposed to open up all the "chi" pathways and clear all blockages so that blood could circulate more pronouncedly, and so will internal energy that is so essential for strength and immunity. I imagine that my Qigong buddies must feel really exceptionally good as they have been practising this for the last 12, 10, 9, 8, 6, 5 etc years! I have just started and already I can feel the difference. Maybe it is psychological, and if so, so be it. After all, isn't the mind and body part of our existence so why shouldn't they complement and supplement one or the other?

I do some work after my shower and will plan a healthful lunch-again within the parameters of what I should be eating that will be good for my recovery. Lots of wholefoods ( wholewheat capati, brown rice, wholewheat bihun or pasta), lots of green and colourful vegetables and ulam2, lots of lentil and dhall dishes. I go easy on fish and meat as I get my proteins from the lentils. Look at the cows and elephants who are vegetarians, they are doing fine. So are my Indian friends who are vegetarians - at most they take eggs and ghee, and they glow with health! Dinner is the same. I do not let up on this and can be very strict on myself . Just the thought of another needle prick to feed FEC into my collapsed veins and the ensuing nausea is enough to make me take just a teeny weeny spoonful of a sinful tiramisu or any dairy-laden dessert.

For treats, I make my own wholewheat scones with cranberries, pengat pisang or nangka with low sugar and low-cholestrol santan and will try different fruits daily for balance, as well as not to be too reliant on any one type of fruit or food. Too much of anything, even a good thing can be bad or toxic for us. I have been experiementing on different types of "survivor" recipes, which is a lot of fun by the way, and have in the process discovered a lot of healthy recipes from others as well. Who says eating for health is boring....it is just a small departure from that menu of sambal tempoyak and belacan , with side dishes of ikan kering goreng and daging salai masak lemak with rendang itek, and.....someone stop me! In any case, that small departure opens up an opportunity to leap up really high to a different level of living, more naturally and healthily.

I seldom eat out these days, and if I do it is probably at an Indian restaurant as there is alway Capati and vegetarian dishes to fall back on. And for days that I am fasting (Mondays and Thursdays), I go for walks just before iftar (buka) so that even if I get dehydrated, I could very soon replenish my fluid loss at buka puasa time.

In between I try to remain positive, see the lighter side of things and warn my close friends that I will really hit them hard if they come to me whining about things without seeing both sides of the coin. I am not perfect and I am not 100% healthy but as much as I can, I will try to be good to myself and my body, even if it is 0.000001% good that I can do daily, it will still add up and be better than not doing anything at all.

Insya Allah, I hope the next follow up visit will be painless as well and that my doctors will be able to see things from my point of view. I may not be a doctor, but I am the (temporary ) owner of this body which God had loaned to me, and yes, I do want to take very good care of it, just as much as they would like me to. Next month, Insya Allah, I am due for my annual mammogram ( doctor says I can do it in May together with the next follow up) and I pray that will be good news . The affected breast is still too tender to subject it to the procedure. It itches sometimes but it is an internal itch so it could be the old surgical scar within still mending as recovery was halted during the radiotherapy. I read somewhere that a herb called "Pecah Beling" has been researched and that it may be good for cancers, including breast cancer. Apparently this herb is commonly found in belukars and roadsides and can be mashed up for external applications, and can even be drank as a tea. The question I have is, if it so good and has been researched, how come no one is farming it commercially as they do for the other herbs (misai kucing, etc).

Hmmm...need to find out more. If it is really true, the roads in my housing area is lined with small belukars which are home to an abundant growth of what looks kike Pecah Beling or Bayam Karang. I wonder if it can be taken as Ulam or added to Nasi Kerabu, survivor style?

PPParty

Golden Jamu , Golden Ngaku Chips and loads of mandarins(above)

It was a gathering of 12 on the night of Yan Yat (everybody's birthday, on the 7th day of the Chinese Lunar New Year of the Rat) at chez moi. We called it a PPP - no, it's not another political party trying their luck on March 8. It was a simple "do" by and for 12 hungry people - hungry for Yee Sang! As planned, everyone turned up with a cooked dish each, an auspicious dish to mark that evening of "Potluck Prosperity Party" - a joint Yee Sang cum Valentine's eve party!

I have never hosted a potluck dinner before. It had seemed appropriate for this occasion though, as it would be mean of me to prepare dishes that only I am accustomed to...low salt, no msg, low sugar and fat! So I thought it would be most appropriate to have my guests bring in a dish of their choice, to symbolise their expectation for the coming year. As hostess, I had organised the drinks - a choice of teas and Jamu ( which, much to my relief, was enjoyed by all), dessert and of course, the XL Yee Sang, which I had ordered from a seafood restaurant nearby. The Manager was kind enough to pack it on their large platter ( the one at home was not big enough!) and for a Rm 30 deposit, told me I can keep it for as long as I want and will refund my money anytime I choose to return it.

To cater for friends who have a good way to travel after work that day, we fixed the "loh-sang" for 9 pm( so that we can get Maghrib and Isya done). All but one made it on time, and my friend S said to go ahead if she was held up ( which was exacly what happened actually, as she turned up at half-past 9 while we were in the midst of "loh-sanging".

I have never seen soooooooo much food in my life! Each guest must have brought food for 12 as all of a sudden my dining table looked so tiny and fragile, when laden by all the dishes each one brought. 11 guests, each bringing enough food to feed 11, so we had food for at least 100 people that night, except there were only 12 of us! In the excitement, even though I had my camera and video cam ready, we forgot to capture images of the interesting dishes! It was only after we had "attacked" the food that I remembered...ti was too late as the Yee Sang platter was wiped clean by then. Luckily though, my maid managed to use my videocam to capture us while we were tossing the Yee Sang, so at least that would be fun to watch one fine day. We managed a group pose before everyone left after midnight, on mobiles and my trusty antique digital.

It was lovely meeting up and catching up over something like this - it seemed everyone was talking at the same time and no one was listening, yet we were updated with the latest, if not, worthwhile news of one another. I am glad that such a short-planned event turned out quite well. There is so much to be said about the power and value of friends to make an otherwise dull evening really interesting.

As for the dishes...let's see. N brought Laksa Lemak in 2 versions - Mee kuning and Bihun. Must have noodles, maa, for longevity. She brought enough to feed the Army and Navy. J brought a whole deepfried Siakap, beautifully garnished in colourful herbs and bathed in sweet sour sauce. Fish for prosperity they say...She also brought lovely kueh talam ubi, golden base topped with a creamy santan top...yummy...very compatible with my current interest in ubi kayu! UR brought a giant platter of Chinese style mixed vegetable generously garnished with fish cakes and mushrooms. MC had 2 huge containers - each one full of really authentic chinese dishes - suhun noodles fried with loads of vegetables and garnished with prawns (oh, oh ) and abalone( double oh, oh) and I think some scallops as well. The other container contained mixed vegetables as well - a treasure trove of goodness - dark green vegetables and colourful carrots, broccolli and cauliflower. UZ sort of went "off-spec" - she was working late and brought 2 versions of Capatti ( whole wheat of course), Channa massala, and a lovely brinjal curry - and me thinks she did not whip these up herself but whipped them from Ludianna Station in Bangsar! And of course lovely valentine cupcakes, in pastels. SZ brought also a colorful mixed vegetable, including the purple cabbage. The thing about not having photos of what everyone brought is that it's hardly a week and I have almost forgotten! Let's see - AA brought a containerful of cooked PRAWNS - and she said I made her go to the market ( not something she does normally). The idea is to add the prawns to the salmon and jellyfish , to be tossed with the rest of the Yee Sang! SM brought her favourite snack of richly stuffed tofu - many, many pieces of those too. S who was late brought kueh bangkit, pistachios, and nuts. RJ actually cooked a very nice cicken and carrot stir-fry, ala "Wok with Yan". it was delicious although I could only take a few pieces - pantang! Just as I had to scan around for prawns and seafood to avoid, chicken is still on my forbidden list unless it is Ayam kampung, and from my own kampung too!

To add to what my guests brought, I managed the desserts - all supposedly to be healthful. It is so easy in moments of fun like that to forget that I do have to be careful of what I pop into my mouth. So desserts were fresh fruits (melons, mandarins, dragon fruits) and Pengat Pisang and Sago - all organic. Of course the titbits - Ngaku or Arrow Root chips were home made too. I don't think my maid can see another Ngaku without a chill in her stomach as I made her fry all the 10 kgs of fresh Ngaku that SHE INSISTED we should buy .

Lots of exchanges and wet gums and bare teeth later, friendships were made - new ones forged and old ones tested and strengthened ( I think). My neighbours must be wondering at the noise we made and the ghostly laughter that rang out in the middle of the night ( last guest left after 1am). Our conversations ranged from food, health and of course the upcoming election. Politicians were not spared, and that night some of them were discussed just so that we all can have a good laugh.....

Here's to a smooth general election and that at this time next month, we will all be laughing again, for joy, that whoever that will be entrusted with our future in this country will do a good job....they ought to....they need to. It is the people's amanah. Even if it is just a tiny X on a piece of paper.