Wednesday, February 6, 2008

GONG XI FA CAI...!




Today's posting is neither about Cats nor about Cancer.....It's that time of the year yet again when everyone in town seems to be running around "like chickens with their heads cut off" some say, or like "lipas kudung" others say. I have not seen either of these two "performances" and yet I can grab more than a gist of their meaning. Throngs at supermarkets and florists flourish with orders of giant bouquets and festive floral hampers. People zoom about from car to store, from store to car and traffic abounds.


Even today on the eve, everywhere I went to earlier today there were crowds of people doing last minute shopping to prepare for the Big Reunion Dinner tonight, and to welcome yet another new year, which is Year Of the Rat ( which in fact is the first of the 12 animal years in the Chinese Zodiac). Like everyone else in Malaysia, I celebrate all the festivities, and Chinese New Year is a favourite because it means Yee Sang time! And I love the arrow roots that are really on offer this year ( at Rm 1.48 a kg in Tesco Melaka when BV Grocers tagged theirs at RM 5.99!!Same quality too). My helper loves to munch so I got kilos which she happily turned to crispy chips which I sneaked to snack on sometimes. They are ever so tasty, no salt needed, just grate them with the salad slicer straight into the kuali of hot oil ( VCO, of course) and wait for it to turn golden. For every kilo she fried, I think Wik popped and munched her way through half a kilo. I don't blame her.




It used to be we had to wait for the 7th day to be able to get Yee Sang anywhere, and the anticipation was part of the fun. Nowadays, you can even get pre-packed Yee Sang way before the new year begins, so it has lost a wee bit, not much, of it's lustre for me. I remember times when my buddies and I would form a Yee Sang group, and it would be Yee Sang at lunch, and then dinner until it is no longer served by the restaurants . Why, we would even tau-pau some ( my favourite is from Lake Club) home so we can start the meals at home tossing the rainbow coloured assortment of vegetables. I have a small Chinese dinner service for this occasions.




This year will be no different, and already we are thinking of having a pot luck Prosperi-Tea over the Chinese New Year break, with those participating bringing their own version and concoction of auspicious dishes. The challenge for me will be to make sure that whatever I come up with is consistent with my dietary requirements - and for that I will probably volunteer to do the Yee Sang - all raw vegetables except for the few bits of preserved nutmeg, ginger and of course the slices of raw fish. Hmm....the sesame oil can even be enriched further with VCO, by fermentation method, if I could get that right! We'll see.




If my 11 year old niece is here, it would be a more meaningful start to the new Rat Year. She was born in the year of the Rat and I have just received news that she has just been accepted to Sevenoaks Prep School after completing her 11plus exams. Her dream of wanting to go to boarding school has materialised, and she is thrilled to bits, so is her Mum who happens to receive the news today, on her birthday! I am so happy for Jannah, as boarding school life has it's own merits even though one has to be away from home. So, it will be a good start for her to start boarding life in a Rat Year, the year she was born. It will be a conversation piece(for her!).
I can count on her to elaborate to her schoolmates about the Chinese Zodiac!



For the rest of us, different forecasters say different things about what will be in The Year Of the Rat. I read them for fun and feel quite tickled to read how some reports contradict. One report may say it is a good year for say rats, dog, sheep etc while another may spell out just the opposite. Read horoscopes with a pinch of salt, that's what we do and laugh at the inconsistencies. The Almighty determines what is in store for us and we strive to meet our destiny, and accept that for each of us there is already a plan, a Master plan.




Horrorscopes aside, here's wishing everyone a prosperous and bountiful new year. May you be blessed with better health, more wealth and happiness, and may God bless all you, your family and all your undertakings....




Monday, February 4, 2008

Allah Knows Best

(The view across our kampung house many years ago is as green and serene as this. With development, it is no more although it is good that the sawah has been converted to cash- converting banana and mango orchards by the landowners instead of leaving the sawah fallow for ever. Now, we have to go to Langkawi, Kedah or Bali to soothe our souls with such picturesque calm....the above is Ubud, August 2007. A treat to self, sis , niece and brother after my 6th and final chemo. Had a whale of a time ( or rather "a dolphin of a time" ) as we went to swim with the dolphins there..... !

I came across a poem many, many years ago ( author unknown). I thought it was quite meaningful and had printed a copy to place in a Scrapbook File. I came across it recently while spring cleaning my filing cabinet in kampung. I re-read it again, and again, From my current perspective, I had re-affirmed to myself that it is a poem worth keeping for reference now and again. It is not Wordsworth or Shakespeare, but it is more relevant to me than any of of Wordsworth or Shakespeare's work.....at this point in time. (I love both Williams though!)


Here's the poem: It is called " God Knows Best" - author unknown, and I seek his/her indulgence to let me call it "Allah Knows Best" as it applies to me...


ALLAH KNOWS BEST


Allah knows what's best for us

so why should we complain

we always want sunshine

but Allah knows there must be rain

We always want laughter

and the merriment of cheer

but our heart will lose their tenderness

if we never shed a tear

Allah tests us often

with suffering or with sorrow

Allah tests us not to punish us

but to help us meet tomorrow

For growing trees are srtengthened

if they can withstand the storm

and the sharpness of the chisel

gave the marble it's grace and form

Allah tests us often

and for every pain Allah gives us

provided we are patient

is followed by some gain

So remember whenever we feel that

everything is going wrong

It is just Allah's way

to make the spirit strong.


-unknown author-
Insya Allah....

Saturday, February 2, 2008

About Cik Siti

It's 2nd February 2008 and I am still in the kampung, and really enjoying it here. So do my babies - they love the space and the loads of company in the form of birds, squirrels ( or are they shrews), roosters, not to mention all kinds of insects and passing cows sometimes! Ashely dragged in a protesting bird one day and I was so happy that after a few rounds of pouncing and pawing by Ashely, the poor little bird managed to escape! Ashely was probaly distracted as I kept screaming "No, Ashley...no, no, let birdie go. No, No, naughty Ashley!" over and over again!

I really need to get off my butt and drive back to KL with my entourage. I need to fix a follow up appointment with my Surgeon and Oncologist for the 3 monthly checks ( and imaging ) since the last visit was in late October!

Yesterday on City Day, a pathetic looking but very pregnant cat appeared from nowhere. She is clean but scrawny , as though she hasn't eaten for days, maybe weeks. We reckoned that she was abandoned in our vicinity when the previous owner discovered she is going to have kittens and did not want to be bothered by that. People here know that we take to cats.

So instead of packing up to go back to KL we stayed behind and tried to ask around if the cat belongs to anyone nearby, if it is lost. No one claimed ownership, so the least we could do is make it feel welcomed, especially in her condition. If she is still around by the time she is due to have her litter, she will find that we have left some boxes in strategic places around the compound as she will need a hide-away to deliver in peace. I will likely be in KL by then as I do need to be in KL before the Chinese New Year.

After providing a sanctuary of sorts to over 20 cats in the past ( some died, others catnapped) with 10 actively living withing our compound, we have run out of names. We toyed with the idea of calling her Li-Po 2 in memory of our dear Li-Po who must have been catnapped more than a month ago, but the reminder is too painful, and also, what if Li-Po comes back? She wouldn't be too happy to share her name! So, we settled on Cik Siti as she dropped in on February 1 which happens to be City Day. Soon, we will have to crack our heads for the litter that will be emerging from her very, very tight, almost bursting belly!

I have been spending time experimenting with a lot of local recipes using the rich variety of local produce, plants and herbs that I chanced upon at the Pasar Tani and Pasar Malam around here, and delighting at the results. The weather is unpredictable, hot and sunny one day and pleasantly mild and windy the next, so activities are based on the weather.

After reading so much about VCO (Virgin Coconut Oil), I realised that it is a wonderful local alternative to EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil), based on the health benefits it offers ( a rich source of MCFA - Medium Chain Fatty Acids is one). How interesting that coconut oil has gone one full circle - from good press (pun intended) during my great- granny's time when we process our own home grown Minyak Kelapa, also used as Minak Kepala then - to bad press by the western producers of alternative oils (soya, corn) during which I was also a believer that it was as good as poison - to the recent incredibly good press about how healthful it is.

VCO is exactly the Minyak Kelapa that a lot of people in their 50's and 6o's would be familiar with during their childhood, together with Minyak Kacang and Mazola. I was so excited to realise that I could easily produce some VCO myself - that way I can vouch for it's authenticity, that it is freshly produced from fresh coconuts from our very own organically grown coconut trees, and that it is hygienically prepared and absolutely no additives or preservatives added. 10 coconuts presented me with just about a litre of VCO, and I find it easier to take it by the tablespoon daily as recommended as a health "tonic" to help with immunity. It tastes nicer than EVOO, although I have yet to try it with freshly baked wholewheat bread the way you do with really good EVOO.

And the residue from the preparation is something else. I remember it beng called "Tahi Minyak" - it is the same stuff you find sprinkled on Kueh Kole Kacang. It is supposed to be rich in proteins. And lovely to be used in Sambal Tumis Goreng, which I have yet to try out with the Tahi Minyak we are left with after processing my first litre of VCO. So, that might be something I will experiment with in the next day or two while in Melaka!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

On a Trip with My Babies...

"Please change the mew-sic, Mama Mi...."
"Yeah...Gamelan, Gamelan, Gamelan....we are tired of Gamelan"
"Yeah....we want "Buddha Bar Chill Out in Paris", please, please!"
"Yeah, that is real chill-out mew-sic. You drive, we chill out....okay?"
"Yeah, wake us up when we get there....can't wait to get into a brawl with Jebat, although we heard he is full of battle scars after squaring it out with the big, nasty, yellow cat that springs up from nowhere."
"I can't wait to check out the trees for bird nests and if we are lucky, squirrels too"
"Yeah, KL is soooooo bor-ring!. The only "nature" sounds we hear is when you turn on the mood mew-sic on your hi-fi - waterfalls, chirping birds and the pitter patter of rainfall on the awnings!"
"Yeah, we are country cats at heart now, after you left us in kampung for 6 months during your chemo...you can't expect us to transform back to be city cats in blinking second.."
"And best of all, we won't have to be cooped up in a cage no more...we are free, free, free..."
"Hurray..."


Mama Mi: "Okay, okay, cut it out - stop the bawling and yowling. I will put on Buddha Bar and promise you guys stay quiet in your travel cage back there while I concentrate on the driving. My arm is already numb and we are not even halfway there yet....."

Alhamdullilah, we made in to kampung to see my Dad again and to see what's happening at home. One of our cats in kampung, lovely Li-Po has been missing for 2 weeks, and me thinks she has been cat-napped. Li-Po is Jannah's cat, and I have not broken the news to her yet, as she is currently busy with her 11+exams in London, and her Mum (my sister) is the nervous one. I have strict instructions to feed Li-Po only "Cod Fish, aunty, it is a tasty fish" to which I replied, "Cod Liver Oil more like it ! ". I miss Li-Po and I know Jannah will be heart-broken when she finds out when they come over for the summer holidays in July/August. Hopefully, Li-Po will find her way home. So far however, our missing cats ave not returned. In the last 2 years or so, we think the following have been cat-napped because they are so cute and "jinak" - Wira Superboy, Kuning Longtail (my late Mum's), Cat, Tiger, and now Li-Po. I hope she has not been catnapped in the hope of using her as a breeder, as she has been spayed. Whatever, I hope she is well and her new owner will love and care for her like we did, and like we did, have meaningful conversations with her every now and then. You see, Li-Po loves to chat - with purrings and growls of course, much better than the "catty" conversations that we can sometimes find ourselves in with some human beings!

More on the trip. My babies can't wait to leap and roam once we reached kampung. They went about sniffing certain spots as if trying to recall where they last lingered or napped. They love being in kampung as the chances of having rice and tuna is much higher, whereas KL means dry and canned food. Troy ( who is the size of a little dog now) panted real hard after a few laps around the compound, his tongue pink and hanging out. I thought he might pass out, but thankfully did not.

My dad is in a good mood, and that is really nice. We had his favourite thosai and lamb curry for lunch when we visited and he was so energetic and wanted to go shopping! We went to Guardian at Tesco's as he wanted to buy this new product that uses far infra red to help in blood circulation, as advertised in the papers. We found it and he said it really helps - it is a pair of slip on knee supports that one puts on. He really impressed the pharmacist at Guardian when he got up from his wheelchair once he has put it on! They thought he is immobilised at first. The wheelchair we had borrowed from Tesco as I had thought that we might have to cover the lenght and breadth of the Tesco complex in Melaka in order to find the product. He was so pleased that we were able to get the product without having to hunt for it too much.

We wheeled him around for grocery shopping, after which he wanted to belanja us coffee at Kluang Station Kopitiam near the Tesco exit. I was really drooling watching him, Ijan my brother and Vik my maid enjoying a hot cuppa of Kopi Panas and a piece of Roti Bakar each. He reminded me to get married (?????) so that the next time I am sick, there will be someone to take care of me, and that Ijan should also get a wife for the same reason. Well.......I know of cases where it is the spouse that is making the partner sick, so what gives? I think my father was so relieved to see me "okay" with hair "intact' and all that, so much so that he becomes ultra-optimistic!

Will be in kampung for a few more days...I feel much contented here and there's quite a bit to do. And me oh my, in kampung my creative juices really flow when it comes to penning in my journal and also when dabbling in the kitchen. Loads of new recipes to test out and old recipes to modify to "Survivor Style". And I love shopping at the Pasar Tani and Night Markets here - plenty of home grown food not using chemical but "natural" fertilisers. And the fish...lots of variety and really fresh...like being able to buy them just a few hours of being unloaded from the boat of the fishermen. How much fresher can it be?

Hmmm, it is always the same case. Each time I start out to go back to kampung, I tell myself and my friends that I will be back in a few days, and almost always it is the same old story..I end up staying a couple of weeks! That is exactly why I can't commit to a full time and fixed-station job at this time, I want to go with the flow and just be. And for that, a home-based vocation is best.

And my babies, syukur Alhamdullillah they are so, so adaptable. And I love them to bits. And I pray and hope no one will catnap them ever. I will go bonkers. I feel so sorry for Nini (Sharliene, 5 yrs who has been missing since Wednesday 9th Jan, 2008) and her parents, and I hope dear God will take care of her and her abductors, and that they will send her back home soon. Losing a cat is bad enough ( Troy and Putri were missing for 17 days in 2006 and I was upside-down for 17 days as well - will post about this one day) but losing and missing a 5-year old child that one has loved, cherished and cared for , for 6 years (inclusive of the 9 months in the womb) must be extremely painful that I can't even begin to imagine. Ya Allah, kasihan lah kepada hamba Mu yang lemah dan tolong kembalikan Nini kepada keluarga nya. Semoga mereka( dan keluarga lain) mendapat pengajaran daripada pengalaman ini dan akan mengawal anak-anak mereka dengan lebih prihatin lagi. Ameen.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Teh Tarik On Hold

I am really a rice and gulai kind of gal, the more "*desa" inspired are the dishes, the more turned on I am by them. But we know what it is like when there's rice...you need a main dish, perhaps a gulai asam pedas or cili padi ( fish or meat), then a sayur dish(maybe kerabu pucuk paku to which you would add pounded dried shrimps for that ooomph or lemak labu), then maybe ikan masin goreng or telur masin rebus, what about ulam-ulam(tenggek burung, bebuas, pegaga, fresh petai, pucuk betik, pucuk ubi), it of course will not be complete without sambal ( belacan or kelapa or tempoyak). And won't it be nice to have that fresh ikan pari that was just hauled off the Straits of Melaka grilled to perfection - cooked crispy on the skin but still moist and tender when you dig under? And who says you have to stop after satu pinggan of rice? It is always polite and customary to "tambah"....and I am very, very polite when it comes to food and eating.

So, after a lot of psyching, tossing and turning, about the changes I need to make to my dietary habits now that I have to "pantang" a few things for a couple of years until my immune system is boosted, I realised that the new "diet-style" is not that bad after all. In the bigger scheme of things they are but minor sacrifices to help myself feel and turn out "good".
All I need to do is eliminate FOR NOW (only) some food items that might sabotage my journey to wellness, change my eating habits (less eating out and be more discriminating about what I order when I do, and most important of all, make some revisions on how my food is being prepared when eating at home.

So as not to have my body feel as though it is being punished, I give myself little exceptions once in a while - like eating out only on Sundays (maybe breakfast at Nirvana or Marmalade) with friends after a good morning walk. Even then it will be thosai and dhall, and plain tea. No roti canai as the Ayur doctor says I should avoid refined white flour( I am already scheming now on how to make my own whole wheat -atta- roti canai if ever I need to succumb to a craving!). No slurpy and frothy teh tarik as I will be driven to wheezing and a semput so serious that it is not worth the Rm 1.20 if I have to be carted off to the ER of Pantai in a RM 400 ambulance.

But as they say, everything in moderation and never, ever feel deprived. There are always alternatives. We just need to be a little creative. So if I have to pantang my favourite beverage of coffee ( in it's many commercial forms) and teh tarik, there is always Ragi Malt which I discovered by chance through the internet. It is nice, and very, very nutritious. I was looking up what Ragi is in Google when I was recently introduced to Ragi Flour, Ragi Puttu, and Ragi Bihun which I have been using in my cooking. No one is able to tell me what Ragi is in English and you don't see it sold anywhere else except in Brickfields. I found out it is "Finger Millet", highly nutritious as it is always milled whole. The grains are tiny like mustard seeds. The taste is rich and nutty. I just loved it and have used it in various ways to cook, whenever I run out of ideas for complementing my rice dishes , with so many pantangs right now.

Ragi Malt is just like Horlicks, and is usually prepared with milk and brown sugar. As I am allergic to milk now, I just used water, boiling it with the ragi flour and adding Manuka honey just before drinking it. I may add a small dose of expresso in future if the craving for coffee hits, and I am sure it will tast as good as conventional cappucino.

It is very exciting, this experimenting with alternative styles of cooking and eating. Had it not been for BC, I would probably not be motivated to try out these new, healthier alternatives. I would not have discovered Sitharam's or Malliga's even though I pass that way countless times whenever I need to go to KL Sentral. So, it has been very enriching and it has really tested and stretched my creativity in the kitchen (usually guided and limited to what is found in cookbooks and what has been handed-down by my mum). I treasure the "hand-me-down" recipes from the family because they are unique and not usually found in cookbooks, and the beauty ( or is it pity?) of it all is they survive even though these hasn't really been formally recorded anywhere .
How does one capture a pinch of this and a handful of that and "sa-cukup rasa"? In any case, now that I have to, even those hand-me down recipes can be creatively modified now to suit my situation.

For Awal Muharam, to celebrate the new year I invited some friends over for tea. My friends know that I am an all-rounder when it comes to food - I am both a goreng pisang and cekodok fan as much as I am a cream tea complete with scones and clotted cream fan. So they did not really know what to expect now that I have so many pantangs, and offered to bring food that they think I can eat. I told them that the idea is for me to "jamu" them for all of their help in the past year and not the other way round. My only request to them is to bear with what I will be serving as Iam keen to introduce them to my alternative and healthier way of preparing my favourite eats. That way they will also know what I had to give up in order to build up my strength and immunity.

I cooked for 10. I was surprised that I had the energy to see through all of the cooking, and later entertaining. Of course the maid helped in the preparation of the ingredients after I showed her how. After much thought and a flurry of activities, we managed to put on the table the following goodies when the guests arrived at 4.30 - Nasi Kunyit with Organic Chicken Curry with potatoes, carrot and tomatoes; Nasi Kerabu ( 15 herbs - most home grown, serunding kelapa and serbuk ikan bilis and not ikan masin) with Sayur Asem ( Javanese dish, my maid's specialty, very nutritious with lots of vegetables); Bubur Hijau-Merah ( my creation - couldn't decide between bubur kacang hijau or bubur kacang merah, so mixed them both and it worked, very sedap!); Ubi Kayu Rebus (served steaming hot with grated fresh coconut and shredded gula melaka - very popular as the last time most had this was probably when they were teenagers!); and the piece de resistance - Wholegrain Cranberry Scones ( made with olive butter, raw sugar and grainy wholewheat flour) served with a choice of olive and real butter for the purists among my friends, with strawberry jam of course. And pink Dragon Fruit to clean the palate while sipping sen-cha (green tea). Yes, that was very brave of me not to offer coffee as at least 2 of my guests are coffee lovers and will always have their brew to make their meal complete. Quite a colourful meal.

It was a success, everyone enjoyed the food and I enjoyed watching them enjoy the food. The Ubi Rebus was a clear winner, it was so simple yet so good. I was overjoyed because I wasn't sure if they would miss the usual cake-house fare that one normally puts out with lots of pretty cupcakes and pastries and fried stuff. My guests left with a little gift I had wrapped nicely for them, a 7-Day Pillbox that they would find handy to take their supplements along when they travel. That too, is very colourful, each 3-compartment daily sub-containers in different colours. The whole thing is about the size of a 250 gram Cadbury bar, which was what I had originally planned to give but thought that the pillbox would be more useful.

A number of the dishes that day was experimental for me, and I will post them in my http://mysecretrecipes.blogspot.com/ blog so I won't forget and in case anyone else is curious to try.
The recipe for the scones is not from Nigella Lawson's or Betty Crocker's or Martha Stewart's. I have this favourite recipe for scones that I got from a tea towel I picked up while visiting Scotland many(20?) years ago. I just needed to modify it a bit to accomodate my present dietary requirements, and it worked fine. I am in the process of experimenting with wholewheat roti canai and buckwheat mee mamak - cuz I do miss my mamak food so!

Note:* I was going to write "Kampung" inspired dishes but chose to use "Desa" instead. I get a trifle annoyed when the word "kampung" had been used in a degratory sense by some ignorant people who probably had not met really nice kampung folks who do not deserved to be insulted by associating the word "kampung" with anything that is less than "cool". I need to get this off my chest and will post an entry soon in my http://lifematters2me.blogspot.com/ blog . Grrrr....

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Suspicious Minds....

Only those who have been afflicted by Breast Cancer(BC) will understand another's worry and concern over an unexplained twitch, throbbing or pain in any part of the body. For the lucky ones who are uninitiated to the trials and tribulations faced by BC survivors, it is so easy to dismiss such articulated concerns as simple "paranoia", sometimes even your own doctors may think so.

But the fact is, while trying to be positive and striving to lead a healthier lifestyle, BC survivors will always have a deep-seated fear that the BC might come back, much dreaded and much unwelcome. While pushing these fears as far back as one could into the recesses of one's mind, one would keep praying to the Almighty for the strength to manage whatever has been planned for us. Knowing that after trying our best, only the Almighty knows what is best for us.
And for us to be redha.

Everytime when I hear of a BC survivor friend going through deep anxities, I feel deeply for them. I can appreciate the need to listen to our bodies, what the body is trying to tell us and taking action accrodingly, no matter how trivial or petty it may seem to others. It is okay to always have a suspicious mind and try to investigate what is causing the pain, the twitching and the throbbing. Was it something we ate , or did we knock into something that might have caused muscular injury, and hence pain, or perhaps too much inactivity that might have affected our circulation and nerves?

As yet I cannot claim to be free of BC, it is too soon. I will need to cross the 5 year mark to even consider myself partially clean. The first 3 years are critical. I have just crossed the 1st year threshold on January 8, on which date in 2007 I had my first encounter with my Breast Surgeon, during which a tissue sample highlighted potential malignancy. My toes still curl recalling that moment. And since that day and the surgery that follows, my body has had it's fair share of twitches, aches and pains. And tedious though it is, I have always "painstakingly" tried to account for the reasons for those aches and pains.

During those self inspection and investigation, I learnt that my body can no longer handle milk or milk products - I wheeze and go really "semput". So no quick cup of cappucino or an ice cream cone to manage a hot, humid afternoon. Once I had to rest for an hour in Borders after a much missed cup of Latte because during my book browsing trip, I just couldn't breathe 2 hours later. I almost checked myself into a hospital. What helped was some abdominal breathing and sitting quietly wth my eyes closed. The staff attending the stationery section would still remember me, I think, because I really gave her such a fright! She thought she might have to call an ambulance!

And just like everyone else tells me ( not doctors, as doctors don't believe in "pantang" ) while I am still on the mend ( since I had 2 surgeries done on the same breast in January and March 2008) internally as the internal scars still feel lumpy even though the dreaded lump was removed, I must avoid seafood and belacan. All "gatal" and inflamatory foods. Just to be sure, I foolishly tested the friendly advice, and confirmed that for me, seafood and all "gatal" stuff must be avoided for now. I had lovely big prawns (masak cili api no less with daun kunyit) and sure enough my affected breast and armpit where the scars were, itched like mad. And burning, really burning. I have banned seafood from my kitchen so my poor helper can only have the stuff if we eat out. At least for a year or two.

At this point, I think I have "accounted" for a few of the pains and twitches but there are still some which are unaccounted. I know my body is trying to tell me something and because the pains and twitches are still manageable and not in anyway limiting my daily activities, I am still "investigating" them. Although at my next follow up visit to my Oncologist and Surgeon, I will certainly raise them and see what they have to say.

Today, here is a list of unexplained twitches and pains in my body. Some come and go, while some linger then go, and yet some just linger, but only God knows why. Do I worry about them, yes, but I will continue to live as healthy a life as I can and pray to God that my body will have the needed strength to overcome. Insya Allah.

From head to toe, here's a list of "notable" but unexplained twitches and pains:
1. Slight twitching on the right side of the head (inside). I imagine this to be in the skull lining and could be due to a build up of lympathic fluid. 21 of my axillary lymph nodes were removed during surgery and this is affecting the lymphatic circulation in my left shoulder, arm , neck, and possibly head as well. A gentle rubdown sometimes help, and I really hope that is all there is to it.

2. Tightness and sharp shooting twitches ( not very painful more like shocks) along my left arm and pectoral muscles. I do arm exercises everyday after morning walks to help with the lymphatic flow and to avoild fluid build-up that may cause lymphedema.

3. Wheezing whenever I take milk and milk products. I also get lots of phlegm when this happens . I was never allergic to milk before, and used to make coffee or hot chocolate by warming milk and putting coffee or cocoa into a mug of hot milk and was perfectly alright.

4. My left breast still feels lumpy and twitches and itches at times. I cannot lie flat on my tummy without it hurting, and I have to be ever so careful not to bang myself around corners full frontal. It might kill me. I can't imagine how I am going to undergo the follow up mammogram that my doctor has scheduled for end of January 2008. To think that I have to place my breast within the 2 plates when it is still mending. I may have to ask for a deferral or just an ultrasound test if the doctor insists to see what's inside.

5. My abdomen (left side) gives sharp shooting pains sometimes, and gives squelching sounds if I try to distend or contract it. It could be acid in the stomach but it is very different from the gastric pains I had during chemo.

6. Throbbing aches and pains in my left pelvis sometimes. Comes and goes. Could be due to my sitting or sleeping position.

7. Sharp pains in my knee joints. It is less intense now compared to the excruciating pains I used to endure for a few months following chemo. The Qigong books I read recommend gentle rubbing ( circular motions) for 100 times for any aching spots in the body. Sometimes it works . It is probably circulation and the accumulated toxins that I need to disperse. Have to keep on rubbing the front and back of my knees when the pain shows up. Qigong always advocate gentle things that we need to do to ourselves in order to heal. I used to urut and "picit-picit" really hard whenever I have those aches and pains. No wonder it got worst.

8. Pains in my heels and unexplained soreness (no cuts, bruise or bumps) at the back of my right heel. Rubbing pounded ginger helps though a very messy process.

I hope the list gets shorter in due course and that soon I will be able to identify what is causing them so that I can avoid the causes.

I would like to imagine that they are all signs of growing "ma-tua" gracefully. I hope that is all there is to it. But once a BC survivor, I can't help being suspicious. I will continue to hope and pray for the best, expect the worst and accept what comes. God knows I am doing my best, and the best is not always easy to do, but I will still try, even if I die trying.

I have experimented with various cooking styles and modified some recipes to accomodate the new dietary approach that I hope will supplement my post BC treatment lifestyle, and will be posting some of the recipes in my other blog http://mysecretrecipes.blogspot.com/


And oh yes, my tastebuds have never been the same. Food does not taste the same the way I used to know it, perhaps due to the less lavish use of salt and seasoning. It could also be due to my tastebuds still being on the mend as I still have strange aftertastes on my tongue and in my mouth in between meals. A simple solution is to have a sweet or drop in my mouth always but since strange aftertaste is not painful, and not bad enough to cause me nausea, I am fine with it. So, treatment affects people differently. Most BC survivors I meet tell me that their tastebds return to normal within 4-6 weeks after chemo. For me it has been 4 MONTHS and counting since my last chemo and I have not lost the funny aftertaste. Well, taking it positively, at least it will discourage me from bingeing on my favourite eats!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Guo-Lin Qigong - personal reminders

I promised myself that I will jot down some notes on the Qigong steps I have learnt , or to be more precise, have been taught so far. I would have truly learnt what I needed to know if I have practiced daily, and if I were to add up the time to carryout the various versions, it will take me a good couple of hours. Something to strive for.

The group meeting by the lakeside in Taman Jaya at 7 am every Saturday morning comprise of beginners like me ( a BC survivor ) who may have completed treatment or may still be managing chemo. There are also others who just turn up to take up the practice to preserve their health and hope for longevity. Membership to the Guo-Lin Qigong Association ( originated in China) in Malaysia is open to all and for RM 190, you are a life member, otherwise, it is Rm 10 joining fee and RM 20 annual fees. Reaaly peanuts, or rather kuaci, for the benefit of being taught some "exercise" that has been known ( though as far as I know not scientifically proven through the usual process of reconfirming that something works or otherwise) to have significant health benefits.

The idea is to help our body use it's own vital energy or "chi" (hence the "Qi" in Qigong) in healing and in increasing our resistance to any ill-effects that our environment might pose to us.
The practice focuses on proper breathing ( a bit like yoga when pranayama is crucial), concentration on correct movements when executing the various steps and keeping the mind free from all distractions. If done correctly, an hour of Guo-Lin Qigong inclusive of the opening and closing sequence would have opened up all the Chi pathways in our body, allowing energy to flow freely and without obstruction. The timed breathing accompanying the movements would have allowed more oxygen into our lungs, and eventually to our cells. Cancer cells find it difficult to proliferate in an oxygen-rich environment.

For me, just the idea of being with a group of people who are genuinely passionate about working(hard) their way to good health is so healing. You don't need a fancy studio to practice Qigong. Mostly it is done outdoors. Ideally it would be good to do it in a green park with water nearby. If that is too difficult, a quiet room will do where instead of walking the perimeters of a park, one can do the "stationary walk" indoors. You need to wear comfortable loose clothing and comfortable walking shoes.

Unfortunately (for me, that is) the instructions are in Mandarin ( which is one of the languages I have been planning to study!) but Agnes, one of the instructors, was good enough to teach the steps to me in English. I would be getting a handbook (in English) detailing the various steps and what the steps are called in 2 weeks time.

What makes Qigong challenging is that it looks soooooooo easy when you are watching someone else do it, but try to do it yourself and you start to have doubts. However, with practice and perserverance, nothing is impossible. Unlike Yoga where beginners would have their own limitations and must be careful not to over-exert or else injuries may result, the Qigong steps I have been taught so far appear to be fairly safe...no room for injuries unless you walk with your eyes closed and accidentally step on sharp objects or walk into a tree or into a lake.

Note to self on the Qigong I have been taught so far:

For all of the steps , the same reminders will apply -
1.breathe in and out through the nostrils always except during the opening and closing sequence. Breathing is abdominal, where the tummy is distended when air is drawn in and flat when air is breathed(squeezed) out. Easier to practice this while lying down as we can see our tummy heaving up and down, rather than our chest.

2. the tip of the tongue (mouth closed always) must always touch the palate behind the upper rows of teeth. This allows for smooth Chi flow.

3. arms should hang loosely from the shoulder joints and the upper arms must not touch the side the body, there should always be space under the armpit. Sort of standing like an orang-utan, really.

4. both palms should face parallel to the ground, it is okay for the fingers to curl though.

5. must face the earth's magnetic North when doing the opening and closing sequence.

Hmmm, not that easy writing all these down trying to recall from memory what the si-fu had said.
6. always look straight - eye level, not up to the blue skies or down at the pavement.

7. when turning head, do at 60 degrees, turn also trunk from waist upwards.

8. if saliva collects in mouth during sequenc, good!, swallow gently, don't spit out. This is "sweet dew".

Opening Sequence:
Face the Magnetic North. Use a compass, or estimate by working out where is the Qiblat(West) and figure it out from there.
Stand with feet astride at shoulder width, toes pointing straight, knees lightly bent, arms by the side, relaxed, space under armpit, look straight, palm parallel to the ground.
a.Count 60 ( about one minute ).
b.Then slowly place right palm over the "dan-tien" (navel) and slowly put the left palm on top of the right palm. Close eyes and breathe normally (in/out) once, then inhale slowly (tongue on palate) followed by exhaling through the mouth, tongue straight , so it is a bit like blowing out gently and slowly. Normal breathing in/out and repeat the inhale/exhaling sequence 2 more times.
c.Finally, gently push hands away and out in front, palms still parallel , and slowly spread hands out, right hand to the right and left hand to the left with palms at same level as the navel, until the hands are slightly more than shoulder-width apart. Once hands are apart, turn wrist so that both palms face inward and at each other before slowly drawing them inwards, fingers slightly curved until the 2 middle fingers meet. That's one count. Repeat the sequence again 2 more times before letting arms to hang loosely by the side again ( note: space under armpit).

So much for the opening sequence...it is so much easier to do than jot down!

Closing Sequence:
Similar to Opening Sequence except that it should be done in reverse order. Do steps c, b and a.
However for the closing sequence, count 120 instead of just 60, so that will take about 2 minutes.

Find a solitary bench and sit quietly for 15 minutes before resuming any other activities.

These sequences are intended to build up and preserve the Chi in our bodies and will help to build up our vital energy and strength, after completing whichever Qigong steps we choose to do


Various Guo-Lin Qigong steps: I have yet to get the "official' names for these steps, but will be jotting them down with the names that I had personally assigned so that I will remember what's what!. The official names have been told to me but my lack of Mandarin didn't help very much in retaining them! All I can remember is "Dan-tien" (navel/center)and how to count the breathing "Si, si, fu" (in, in, out).

1. Slow Qigong walk - Turn Left, then Right. Count Si,Si, Fu - Si, Si, Chuan(Complete sequence takes an hour). Start with right leg 20 mins, then left leg 20 mins. Step c before changing leg.
2. Fast Qigong walk - Turn Left, then Right. Count Si, Fu, Si Fu, Si Chuan. Start with right leg 10 mins, then left leg 10 mins. Step c before changing leg. Complete sequence takes about 25 mins or so. Do this when you don't have an hour to spare.
3. Stationary Qigong walk 1 - Turn Left, then Right. Count Si Si, Fu, Si Fu. 9 times for each leg for each set, to do 3 sets. Do c once before changing leg, and do c 3 times between each complete sequence. Front foot "heel", Hind foot "toe". Hind foot at 45 degrees, Front foot point forward. Complete sequence takes about 45 mins.
4.Stationary Qigong walk 2 ( arms behind trunk with back wrists resting on kidneys). Same as 3 above. Both 3 and 4 can be done in your hotel room if you are travelling or when it rains and you cannot get to a park.
5. Fast Stationary Qigong walk. As in 3 and 4, but 27 times for each leg, do 3 sets. Count Si, Fu, Si, Fu.
6.Balanced Qigong walk . Count Si, Si Fu(turn to right when right leg forward) and Si, Si Fu ( turn to left when left leg forward). In otherwards to synchronise turn to match the front foot.
Do for 20 minutes.

Aiiiyaaah...I didn't realise it can be quite tricky to put into words what your feet and arms and head and breathing need to do at the same time! Well, whatever, it is the actual doing and practice that is crucial. Not what I jot down...these are just to trigger my memory before too many new steps get the better of me. The instructor says there are more to learn and practice!

I was told that even if you have been practicing for years you may sometimes miss out on some key aspects. No side effects or injuries if you do it wrong or jumble up your sequence but what's the point if you cannot derive all intended benefit after taking the time to do it? I did see some seasoned practicioners walking with no space under armpits, or palm not parallel to ground or arms not relaxed but both bent. Agnes reminded us to imagine that we are stroking a huge ball when we swing our arms while walking, with the forward arm bent so that the palm is at the level of the navel while the other arm is straightened ( but relaxed not stiff) alongside the side of the body.

It is actually quite easy if one really focus and practice daily. Insya Allah. Each of the 6 different steps will require it's own detailed instructions if I were to ensure that it will serve as a reminder years down the road. That I will do in my notebook and illustrate with sketches of the required alighnment and positioning.

Thank you, Madam Guo Lin.