Finally it is here.....the approach of another cycle (tomorrow). After 2 cycles, I should know what to expect in the next one, but then again as experienced recently, cycle 2 was rather different from cycle 1. The change in the anti-emetics(anti-nausea medication) made some difference so if I am thinking of requesting yet another change then I need to be prepared for new surprises. There will be a trade-off I suppose. If I do not want to be fatigued for too long, then there will be a price, and I wonder what it will be.
I really should not worry too much about it as I can ask my Oncolgist to explain fully the potential side effects if I were to change to Kytril.
I had my head shaved clean this evening. I forgot that Jeff's was closed today as Wednesday is his off-day. So while the enthusiasm was still high, I trooped over to the Barber Shop 3 streets away from my house. The guy was surprised to see me (and Kakak, who I brought along for moral support) and mentioned that he cuts hair for men only. When I explained to him that I didn't need a re-style but a clean shave, he looked initially surprised and later agreed. He was at the time, trimming the hair of a customer, who happened to be a Doctor with UMMC and knows Prof Yip and Dr Christina Ng there, and is also a neighbour of my Breast Surgeon at Pantai. Small world. He helped to explain to the Barber, why I looked like I did when I removed my cap!
My Boy Troy says: "Don't worry Mama Mi.....go ahead and shave your head clean. It will help cool you off whenever those hot flashes strike you......and of course them hair will grow back in good time. Remember when you had the Vet shave the fur from my legs when he wanted to treat my injury? See, I am all hairy again now........So, don't worry lah..."
I think I must have been the first female customer for the Barber . It was such a traumatic experience. For him. Not for me, as I had been planning and was therefore quite prepared to face the occasion. However, it takes more than preparedness and a thick skin to be brave enough to "tolerate" the gadget that he had to ply throughout my scalp. The buzzing and the sort of ticklish sensation when the tip of the electric shaver grazes over my scalp did give me the creeps. Each time he puts the shaver on my head, I yelped like a puppy. It took quite a number of "shaves" to smoothen my scalp, so he elicited as much yelps from me. I must have made him very nervous. The poor guy took it in his stride however, especially since he was being encouraged by the good doctor earlier that he will be doing me a good turn! And all that for RM 13. I didn't like the number 13 so I gave him 15.
It felt good! I felt extra clean and "pure"? No, maybe pure is not the right word, but what I see in the mirror now is just me, no frills, just plain old me with veins showing through my clean scalp and I discovered that I have some tahi lalat (moles) on the left side of my head! I think of the Tibetan nuns who walk around looking calm and serene without a strand of hair on their heads and wondered on their rationale for shaving their heads when committing themselves to their spiritual beliefs. They must feel as I am feeling now. It's a liberating feeling, and it is so calming. After having said all that, I seriously hope mine will grow back after all my chemo treatments are completed. I will get a mug shot of my clean look to keep for posterity. And may post one in my blog....if I dare.
Ya Allah, I hope my FBC will be good tomorrow so that I can proceed with the 3rd cycle. I have tried my best to eat well to get my blood count in order and I hope it will produce results as expected. I plan to get admitted for a day if I am trying out a new anti-emetic medication just in case the side-effects are unmanageable on my own. UZUN said she will pick me up to send me home whenever I am done with the chemo and discharged from the ward. Mentally I need to prepare myself and accept the fact that this will be another round of roller-coaster rides and I will experience similar down cycles in mood and energy levels before the up cycles can be enjoyed. I am just hoping that my system will cope well with yet another onslaught of FEC/CEF doses. Insya Allah.
p.s- I had a lovely meeting with Ena Samad for coffee this morning and appreciated her sharing with me on her experience with BC in her family. I am also now reminded that I need to check out how my friend JT is doing with her herbal treatment for BC. She has managed beautifully for the last 2 years and I am very happy for her. We are supposed to meet up at the upcoming Relay For Life, as she is also very keen to participate ( she runs everyday).
