Jun 27 (Day 14 of Cycle 4)
My nose is running again and my head feels heavy on one side. I did not feel fit enough to go walking this morning and decided not to push my luck and instead stayed in all morning.
I realise that Azean Irdawaty of the Datin Diaries series on local tv is going to have her mastectomy done today. I pray for her and for anyone else undergoing similar surgeries and hope everything from here on will run smoothly for them. I would visit her if she is in KLH but it seems she has checked into the hospital in Putrajaya.
After saving up my energy in the morning, I spent all afternoon going to Rawang with a couple of buddies to check out on a couple of things. It was just as well I wasn't driving as I started sneezing all over again and my nose was running and my eyes teary. I must have used up almost a whole box of Kleenex. It's more like an allergy rather than flu.
I had asked Vik to defrost a pack of minced beef and brown them with garlic and chopped onions while I was gone. When I got back we got a nice ragu sauce going for a simple pasta dinner. I taught her how to make a mixed fruit and vegetable salad using carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, green apples, raisins, cashews and almonds with a storebought honey musteard salad dressing. She is becoming quite good and cooked the spaghetti just nice, al dente. I hope the beefy sauce will help with my blood count.
Tomorrow I will need an early start as I have to be in Wangsa Maju by 8 am on some personal errands. So I will need to retire early. Which is just as well as all the sneezing is really squeezing the wind out of my sails. I hope I will be back in time to get to the Medical Center to review Vik's medical report that will be ready by 12 noon tomorrow. I hope everything is fine and that the reports will reconfirm the medical clearance given by Fomema earlier.
My chemo arm is still sore and the daily massage with Minyak Gamat and Minyak Pala continues....I pray and hope that it will be ready and receptive for the next chemo cycle next week. My nails have not gone all blue, just partially, loking as though I have stained them with blue ink. In fact some of them look as though I have just caught my fingers in a door which have just been banged shut. They look kind of "dirty" looking. I have some henna in a tube that I could apply I suppose to make my nails look more appealing.
What I am so thankful for is that except on a few rare occasions due to gastritis, I have been able to enjoy a good night's sleep on most nights, and that I am aware, is very important for recovery. Insya Allah I hope this will continue. I am quite used to all the discomfort from the various chemo side-effects and so far the ones that really nagged at my sense of wellbeing are the thrombo veins in my chemo arm and my sore bottom. I hope these will improve over time, and not indicative of anything more serious. Nauzubillah.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Day 13 - Documents, Documents, Documents
June 26 (Day 13 of Cycle 4)
Well, today is Day 14 as Day 9 was on June 22 when I had my interim blood count. I took Vik to the Bank nearby (we walked) to open a joint-account so that she can bank in her first pay. The staff at the bank were so helpful, we just sat and read up their brochures while they did everything for us. All they needed was my MyKad and Vik's passport. It was quick and soon she has her own passbook which I told her I would keep for safe custody.
My friend UZUN and her poisoned son joined me for lunch at home. Lunch was kerabu kacang botol, sup tulang with carrots, fried tempe and sambal udang(wooops! I just sampled some for taste, it is more for the guest). My friend's son had food poisoning and was really contorted in pain ( also I think he needed attention from his Mum). He had been to the doctor's who gave him some tablets earlier in the morning and as there was no improvement, I suggested they go again for a second opinion. It was only recently that one of my nephews had severe tummy pains, my sis-in-law thought it was just that and gave him painkillers and a few hours later he was warded for appendicitis and had to undergo surgery.
UZUN happens to also be my Insurance Agent, so we took some time(while her son went to the doctor's again) to sort out my Insurance matters. I have papers all over my living room furniture trying to sort out what have been processed and what were outstanding. Being ill is one thing and having insurance is another. And even with insurance, if one is not organised enough, it will be so easy to lose track of what has been processed and not.
So far I have been very organised and systematic and my filing system for all the receipts and payments are up to date. I also maintain a running total of what I have incurred to date, what has been paid for by Insurance and what was for my own account (the co-payment). I have a bunch of payments unprocessed as I prefer to accumulate up to what the time constraint per policy terms can allow. I realise that one claim submitted has yet to be processed by the company and will require follow up. I felt annoyed that they did not acknowledge receipt of my submission, more than a month ago and will be exactly 2 months by July 7. I hope the package wasn't lost in transition even though it was hand delivered via my agent.
My appetite is back and so is my energy level. My digestive system seems fine but bowel movements still causing early morning woes. I hope this is not indicative of anything more serious. I am no longer constipated but bowel movements are painful and toe-curling. I experienced a throbbing headache on one side of my head and did not take anything for it as I was advised that I take paracetemol only upon doctor's advice and presription and not at my whim and fancy. Maybe it was due to the catching-up reading I had been doing as the prints on the books were really tiny, even with my reading glasses on.
Oh well, at least I am no longer nauseous and the bloaty feeling had truly gone. I continue with gentle massage on my chemo arm as I feel as though I am helping my body prepare for the next chemo cycle.
Kakak came last night and I had asked her about the black stuff that Vik found in my luggage closet at the top of the built in wardrobes in my bedroom. We agreed that it was a puzzle how the stuff ( which looks like black flakes of something, no smell, with a gritty feel) got up there as I had the top shelves cleaned up late last year before all the luggage bags were stored up there. She said "Kalau orang kampung jumpa macam ini boleh risau, dek. Tapi tak tahu lah orang KL....jangan buang dulu, nanti Kakak nak tanya orang".
The plot thickens. I had asked Vik (who discovered it when cleaning the louvres-like wardrobe doors) to collect the black dust and put it in a plastic container. I have absolutely no clue what it is and howit got up there. If I allow my imagination to really run wild, I could imagine that it might be dried cat poo? But my cats will not poo on any surface as they are used to using the litter tray. Even if I had been late with the litter tray they might, if desperate, choose to let go on my fluffy bathroom mat, never on a floor.
Besides, if it is cat poo, how on earth would either Ashley, Putri or Troy jumped 10 feet high, keep themselves suspended in mid-air to open the closet door (even I have to expend a lot of energy to pull the door open towards me and use a ladder) and then poo, jump out and push the door close? Troy can't even jump up onto the piano with one attempt what more a top closet 10 ft high? With my sharper than sharp sense of smell, I would have detected it ages ago if it had been possible that it was them. But my 6th sense tells me it is not cat poo as cat poo will not turn black, and how the h...would it get up there anyway? My cats are very special ( they really can understand me) but they don't have wings to fly!
It doesn't bother me as much as it is now bothering Kakak. But I certainly am quite curious to get to the bottom of this.
Well, today is Day 14 as Day 9 was on June 22 when I had my interim blood count. I took Vik to the Bank nearby (we walked) to open a joint-account so that she can bank in her first pay. The staff at the bank were so helpful, we just sat and read up their brochures while they did everything for us. All they needed was my MyKad and Vik's passport. It was quick and soon she has her own passbook which I told her I would keep for safe custody.
My friend UZUN and her poisoned son joined me for lunch at home. Lunch was kerabu kacang botol, sup tulang with carrots, fried tempe and sambal udang(wooops! I just sampled some for taste, it is more for the guest). My friend's son had food poisoning and was really contorted in pain ( also I think he needed attention from his Mum). He had been to the doctor's who gave him some tablets earlier in the morning and as there was no improvement, I suggested they go again for a second opinion. It was only recently that one of my nephews had severe tummy pains, my sis-in-law thought it was just that and gave him painkillers and a few hours later he was warded for appendicitis and had to undergo surgery.
UZUN happens to also be my Insurance Agent, so we took some time(while her son went to the doctor's again) to sort out my Insurance matters. I have papers all over my living room furniture trying to sort out what have been processed and what were outstanding. Being ill is one thing and having insurance is another. And even with insurance, if one is not organised enough, it will be so easy to lose track of what has been processed and not.
So far I have been very organised and systematic and my filing system for all the receipts and payments are up to date. I also maintain a running total of what I have incurred to date, what has been paid for by Insurance and what was for my own account (the co-payment). I have a bunch of payments unprocessed as I prefer to accumulate up to what the time constraint per policy terms can allow. I realise that one claim submitted has yet to be processed by the company and will require follow up. I felt annoyed that they did not acknowledge receipt of my submission, more than a month ago and will be exactly 2 months by July 7. I hope the package wasn't lost in transition even though it was hand delivered via my agent.
My appetite is back and so is my energy level. My digestive system seems fine but bowel movements still causing early morning woes. I hope this is not indicative of anything more serious. I am no longer constipated but bowel movements are painful and toe-curling. I experienced a throbbing headache on one side of my head and did not take anything for it as I was advised that I take paracetemol only upon doctor's advice and presription and not at my whim and fancy. Maybe it was due to the catching-up reading I had been doing as the prints on the books were really tiny, even with my reading glasses on.
Oh well, at least I am no longer nauseous and the bloaty feeling had truly gone. I continue with gentle massage on my chemo arm as I feel as though I am helping my body prepare for the next chemo cycle.
Kakak came last night and I had asked her about the black stuff that Vik found in my luggage closet at the top of the built in wardrobes in my bedroom. We agreed that it was a puzzle how the stuff ( which looks like black flakes of something, no smell, with a gritty feel) got up there as I had the top shelves cleaned up late last year before all the luggage bags were stored up there. She said "Kalau orang kampung jumpa macam ini boleh risau, dek. Tapi tak tahu lah orang KL....jangan buang dulu, nanti Kakak nak tanya orang".
The plot thickens. I had asked Vik (who discovered it when cleaning the louvres-like wardrobe doors) to collect the black dust and put it in a plastic container. I have absolutely no clue what it is and howit got up there. If I allow my imagination to really run wild, I could imagine that it might be dried cat poo? But my cats will not poo on any surface as they are used to using the litter tray. Even if I had been late with the litter tray they might, if desperate, choose to let go on my fluffy bathroom mat, never on a floor.
Besides, if it is cat poo, how on earth would either Ashley, Putri or Troy jumped 10 feet high, keep themselves suspended in mid-air to open the closet door (even I have to expend a lot of energy to pull the door open towards me and use a ladder) and then poo, jump out and push the door close? Troy can't even jump up onto the piano with one attempt what more a top closet 10 ft high? With my sharper than sharp sense of smell, I would have detected it ages ago if it had been possible that it was them. But my 6th sense tells me it is not cat poo as cat poo will not turn black, and how the h...would it get up there anyway? My cats are very special ( they really can understand me) but they don't have wings to fly!
It doesn't bother me as much as it is now bothering Kakak. But I certainly am quite curious to get to the bottom of this.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Day 12 - back on the move...
June 25 (Day 12 of Cycle 4)
I am back on my feet again. This morning I did double rounds of the established walking circuit around my area and was puffing away like a dragon (?) by the time I reached my front gate. But I felt good. Soon, I should be able to build up my stamina again and join that joyful group on their Bukit Kiara rounds. I used to be able to do a few rounds of that just not too long ago but coping with chemo somewhat affected my physical and on certain days even my mental strength.
As I am not being supported by boosters to recharge my system and blood for the next chemo on July 5, I have to make doubly sure that I get enough physical exercise, follow a proper diet that will support that mission and enjoy a proper rest and try to avoid negative stress or any triggers to negative stress. Living in KL, a city with bloodcurdling traffic jams and cafes and restaurants with every possible eats under the sun, it requires a lot of restraint. So I make it a point that even if I am out on the move, I will try to eat least one proper meal at home and while on the move, to eat only cooked dishes with adequate vegetables and proteins. And continue with plenty of fresh fruits and nutty nibbles. I am quite excited and hopeful to see a good outcome sans booster. Insya Allah.
A typical good and proper diet for me this time would be something like this:
Upon waking up, a glass of pure water (Zam Zam if in supply ), and a spoonful of Manuka honey - before washing my mouth. After solat, a brisk morning walk around the entire housing area, and back to a freshly prepared breakfast of 2 soft boiled eggs with 1 or 2 pieces of wholemeal toasts. Fresh fruit of choice would follow with a mug of Horlicks. Centrum multivite and fish oil tablet would follow.
Lunch would be usually a scoop of rice with a meat (beef, liver, fish or chicken) dish and a vegetable dish(bayam, kacang botol, pucuk paku(midin), brocolli, carrot, sawi, choy sum, water cress, pumpkin, cauliflower, peria). Followed by fresh fruit of choice and I would drink home-made beef stock from beef bones stewed with chinese red dates.
Tea - time of weakness actually. I could pick up some kuehs from wherever I was coming from and this could range from bubur kacang to currypuffs. My guilt would be washed over with green tea and more fresh fruits and nuts.
Dinner would be similar to lunch in terms of the food types but we will make an effort to freshly prepare dinner dishes instead of cooking extra helpings at lunch time. I might as well test out my new helper's culinary skills and have freshly prepared food and not reheated lunch left overs.
Do I crave for sambals, curries and laksa? YEEESSS! But common sense prevails and it is just for another month or so that I need to restraint my taste buds. They have really gone haywire and melons which are sweet to others are sour or bitter to me.
I am also taking advantage of these good moments pre-next chemo to catch up on the things that I would be doing otherwise. I had enrolled and signed up on a couple of personal projects to enhance my skills and knowlege in activities that are near and dear to my heart. All shelved but I must try to catch up slowly so that by the time chemo is history, Insya Allah, I can slip back into a productive routine. Human nature is such that we get used to things so easily that sometimes getting out of a set pattern is rather difficult.
The bloaty feeling has somewhat lessened but the thrombo arm is still bugging me. I am now wondering if the lab will be able to draw blood painlessly on July 3, ( to determine if booster is required for July 5 chemo) and again on July 5 (which is the routine blood test done on the same morning as the chemo). It is a lovely coincidence that 5th chemo is on July 5. And again very coincidental that if I were somehow to get admitted on July 5 in case the 5th cycle is difficult, then I will be spending my birthday the next morning, waking up to breakfast in hospital...!?!
I spent most of the day going around town to keep up on promises made and to check out on a couple of things at my own leisure. I am so thankful yet again that those down moments last week had bit vanished and I am feeling so much better. My sister and niece will be spending their summer vacation in KL while nephew and Dad will be doing some man stuff in Europe. I am thinking that by the time I am done with my last chemo on July 27, I might want to go somewhere nice with them and Ijan my brother just to chill out and recharge before facing 25 daily doses of radiation. We are looking at places in Asia that we could explore and discover.
This coming weekend, Insya Allah , if the plan works out, I will be in Melaka to see my dad and babies. I am giving away my antique Acer desktop (1995 model which used to cost RM7999, okay 8 thousand) to my friend's young son and the condition is his mother will drive me to Melaka to collect it personally!! It is still in good working order though very bulky and imposing, and all they need to do is upgrade the memory in the hardisk. I look forward to show my dad that I have coped so far and he need not worry about me. It will be nice to go to that Ikan Bakar place at Cheng Heights and fish around for freshly hauled fish at Pantai Kundur to bring to KL to stock up my freezer.
My nephew and nieces from Shah Alam will be coming for dinner one of these evenings with their family. When they see me next I would be back to my normal self and not the limp lettuce that was on the phone with them last week telling them that she was to tired and weak to receive visitors.
I am back on my feet again. This morning I did double rounds of the established walking circuit around my area and was puffing away like a dragon (?) by the time I reached my front gate. But I felt good. Soon, I should be able to build up my stamina again and join that joyful group on their Bukit Kiara rounds. I used to be able to do a few rounds of that just not too long ago but coping with chemo somewhat affected my physical and on certain days even my mental strength.
As I am not being supported by boosters to recharge my system and blood for the next chemo on July 5, I have to make doubly sure that I get enough physical exercise, follow a proper diet that will support that mission and enjoy a proper rest and try to avoid negative stress or any triggers to negative stress. Living in KL, a city with bloodcurdling traffic jams and cafes and restaurants with every possible eats under the sun, it requires a lot of restraint. So I make it a point that even if I am out on the move, I will try to eat least one proper meal at home and while on the move, to eat only cooked dishes with adequate vegetables and proteins. And continue with plenty of fresh fruits and nutty nibbles. I am quite excited and hopeful to see a good outcome sans booster. Insya Allah.
A typical good and proper diet for me this time would be something like this:
Upon waking up, a glass of pure water (Zam Zam if in supply ), and a spoonful of Manuka honey - before washing my mouth. After solat, a brisk morning walk around the entire housing area, and back to a freshly prepared breakfast of 2 soft boiled eggs with 1 or 2 pieces of wholemeal toasts. Fresh fruit of choice would follow with a mug of Horlicks. Centrum multivite and fish oil tablet would follow.
Lunch would be usually a scoop of rice with a meat (beef, liver, fish or chicken) dish and a vegetable dish(bayam, kacang botol, pucuk paku(midin), brocolli, carrot, sawi, choy sum, water cress, pumpkin, cauliflower, peria). Followed by fresh fruit of choice and I would drink home-made beef stock from beef bones stewed with chinese red dates.
Tea - time of weakness actually. I could pick up some kuehs from wherever I was coming from and this could range from bubur kacang to currypuffs. My guilt would be washed over with green tea and more fresh fruits and nuts.
Dinner would be similar to lunch in terms of the food types but we will make an effort to freshly prepare dinner dishes instead of cooking extra helpings at lunch time. I might as well test out my new helper's culinary skills and have freshly prepared food and not reheated lunch left overs.
Do I crave for sambals, curries and laksa? YEEESSS! But common sense prevails and it is just for another month or so that I need to restraint my taste buds. They have really gone haywire and melons which are sweet to others are sour or bitter to me.
I am also taking advantage of these good moments pre-next chemo to catch up on the things that I would be doing otherwise. I had enrolled and signed up on a couple of personal projects to enhance my skills and knowlege in activities that are near and dear to my heart. All shelved but I must try to catch up slowly so that by the time chemo is history, Insya Allah, I can slip back into a productive routine. Human nature is such that we get used to things so easily that sometimes getting out of a set pattern is rather difficult.
The bloaty feeling has somewhat lessened but the thrombo arm is still bugging me. I am now wondering if the lab will be able to draw blood painlessly on July 3, ( to determine if booster is required for July 5 chemo) and again on July 5 (which is the routine blood test done on the same morning as the chemo). It is a lovely coincidence that 5th chemo is on July 5. And again very coincidental that if I were somehow to get admitted on July 5 in case the 5th cycle is difficult, then I will be spending my birthday the next morning, waking up to breakfast in hospital...!?!
I spent most of the day going around town to keep up on promises made and to check out on a couple of things at my own leisure. I am so thankful yet again that those down moments last week had bit vanished and I am feeling so much better. My sister and niece will be spending their summer vacation in KL while nephew and Dad will be doing some man stuff in Europe. I am thinking that by the time I am done with my last chemo on July 27, I might want to go somewhere nice with them and Ijan my brother just to chill out and recharge before facing 25 daily doses of radiation. We are looking at places in Asia that we could explore and discover.
This coming weekend, Insya Allah , if the plan works out, I will be in Melaka to see my dad and babies. I am giving away my antique Acer desktop (1995 model which used to cost RM7999, okay 8 thousand) to my friend's young son and the condition is his mother will drive me to Melaka to collect it personally!! It is still in good working order though very bulky and imposing, and all they need to do is upgrade the memory in the hardisk. I look forward to show my dad that I have coped so far and he need not worry about me. It will be nice to go to that Ikan Bakar place at Cheng Heights and fish around for freshly hauled fish at Pantai Kundur to bring to KL to stock up my freezer.
My nephew and nieces from Shah Alam will be coming for dinner one of these evenings with their family. When they see me next I would be back to my normal self and not the limp lettuce that was on the phone with them last week telling them that she was to tired and weak to receive visitors.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Day 11 - House-bound activities
June 24 (day 11 of Cycle 4)
1.Panforte De Sienna - Exp 12/2000 (Bought in Sienna Italy in Aug 2000)
2.Turkish Delight Lokum with Double Pistachio -Exp 2000 (Bought in Istanbul 1999)
3.Tapenade of Green Olives, Lemon, Garlic - Exp June 2000 ( Bought en-route Italy/France/England 2000)
4.Abba Laxpastej Salmon spread -Exp Jan 2007 (Bought Ikea KL s'time in 2006)
5.Harissa Le Phare Du Cap Bon- Exp Nov 1999 (Bought at a Moroccon Restaurant in Paris while consumed with ambition to try out at home the exotic lamb cous-cous Morocco is famous for)
6.Several vacuum packed metal containers of Emborg cheeses-Brie/Camembert/Rocquefort - Exp ranging from 2003 to early 2007 bought during supermarket trips in various supermarkets in KL)
7.Wasabi - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Tokyo in 1999 when after a few days of hotel and Japanese food, I needed something spicy to lace my snacks in the hotel room)
8.Garlic Paste - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Italy during EuroCamp camping trip with sister's family in 2000).
9.Tomato Paste -Tube - ditto-
10. Lots of bars of chocolates, candies, fudges, all expired in 2000-2006.
11. Lots of herbal and food supplements ( thankfully with more shelf life butI had to stop taking them so as not to clash with my chemo regimen for now)
12.
All the above are still unopened and look brand new and inviting still as they were lodged somewhere deep in the recesses of my refrigerator and my brain. The whole lot filled a nice little basket and could be dressed up into a nice hamper....to be given to someone contemplating suicide or sudden death?
I came back from my morning walk with the Sunday papers and found Vik my helper laughing helplessly. I had told her to empty the fridge of all its contents so that I could go through and sort out what needs to go as the fridge was beginning to be cluttered. My instruction was anything raw (fruits or vegetables ) that do not look fresh, just chuck them in the bin and for packed items, toss out anything that has expiry dates before June 2007.
She found it really amusing that I have so many interesting items in the fridge "tapi semua tarikh mati, Buk!". The older the item, the funnier it was to her and she would scream " Buk, tanggal 1999 pun ada, Buk....!". Anyway, I now have a bagful of absolutely normal looking souvenier food items from trips abroad that would have been absolutely scrumptious had I the time to enjoy them ( I would have bought more than 1 and given away a few to friends and family upon return from the trips and the ones in the fridge are my own allocation). I will decide it I give them to Alam Flora or have a "Try If You Dare" party at home one of these days.
My friend H came by for breakfast. We had been planning to meet up for a while and when she heard that I was craving for Beef Serunding and Kelantanese Keropok, she came by to bring some. In return, I treated H to a Kopitiam breakfast at P.Damas, 2 eggs perfectly half-boiled and roti kahwin with a cup of steaming Hainan coffee.
I spent the afternoon catching up on my reading and browsing through the Sunday papers. Another old school friend came by to visit and it was another round of catching up on what's been happening and juicing up on the latest gossips and happenings in town. Hubby just bought her a birthday gift and she was testing it out on her own...a tow toned red/black Mini Clubman that looked really neat as she is rather petite. She had lost her sis-in-law to BC and shared her story on that. It was quite sad as that was about 6 months after she had a baby and even though the doctor estimated that she had 2 years before succumbing to the disease, it had metastasized and she did not respond well to her treatment.
Vik, my helper prepared some tempe-based snacks which was quite delicious and the snacks kept us fueled for rather interesting debates and discussions too sensitive to be captured in a cancer-related Blog. Except for prayer breaks, we really yakked our lives away as though there is no tomorrow, and
Vik kept topping up the table with different snacks as though to keep us going. It was after Maghrib when we dispersed and I decided that I should not go to the weekly Pasar Malam in Bangsar. The fridge inventory this morning indicated that I have enough stock to last for at least another week of cooking. Besides, I really should avoid going out too much when my body is without boosters at its lowest wbc period.
I stayed in to plan for the week and hope to go to the NCSM building tomorrow to catch up with Adeline Joseph and meet up with whoever might be in the support center tomorrow. I also want to find out if anyone has any plans to provide some support to actress Azean Irdawaty, who had recently been diagnosed as a Stage 3 BC and due for mastectomy at KLH this coming Wednesday. It doesn't sound like she has insurance and her mention in the Sunday papers that as an actress she has not been provided with Socso and EPF options, so I hope the financial situation will not cause her additional stress. I can imagine her anxiety and how worried her children must be. As a fellow BC patient, I pray for her that the operation will be smooth and that her recovery speedy so she can proceed with her chemo. If by any chance I meet her and find out that she is not using a chemo port, I will certainly share with her my personal experience of Thrombophlebitis.
1.Panforte De Sienna - Exp 12/2000 (Bought in Sienna Italy in Aug 2000)
2.Turkish Delight Lokum with Double Pistachio -Exp 2000 (Bought in Istanbul 1999)
3.Tapenade of Green Olives, Lemon, Garlic - Exp June 2000 ( Bought en-route Italy/France/England 2000)
4.Abba Laxpastej Salmon spread -Exp Jan 2007 (Bought Ikea KL s'time in 2006)
5.Harissa Le Phare Du Cap Bon- Exp Nov 1999 (Bought at a Moroccon Restaurant in Paris while consumed with ambition to try out at home the exotic lamb cous-cous Morocco is famous for)
6.Several vacuum packed metal containers of Emborg cheeses-Brie/Camembert/Rocquefort - Exp ranging from 2003 to early 2007 bought during supermarket trips in various supermarkets in KL)
7.Wasabi - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Tokyo in 1999 when after a few days of hotel and Japanese food, I needed something spicy to lace my snacks in the hotel room)
8.Garlic Paste - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Italy during EuroCamp camping trip with sister's family in 2000).
9.Tomato Paste -Tube - ditto-
10. Lots of bars of chocolates, candies, fudges, all expired in 2000-2006.
11. Lots of herbal and food supplements ( thankfully with more shelf life butI had to stop taking them so as not to clash with my chemo regimen for now)
12.
All the above are still unopened and look brand new and inviting still as they were lodged somewhere deep in the recesses of my refrigerator and my brain. The whole lot filled a nice little basket and could be dressed up into a nice hamper....to be given to someone contemplating suicide or sudden death?
I came back from my morning walk with the Sunday papers and found Vik my helper laughing helplessly. I had told her to empty the fridge of all its contents so that I could go through and sort out what needs to go as the fridge was beginning to be cluttered. My instruction was anything raw (fruits or vegetables ) that do not look fresh, just chuck them in the bin and for packed items, toss out anything that has expiry dates before June 2007.
She found it really amusing that I have so many interesting items in the fridge "tapi semua tarikh mati, Buk!". The older the item, the funnier it was to her and she would scream " Buk, tanggal 1999 pun ada, Buk....!". Anyway, I now have a bagful of absolutely normal looking souvenier food items from trips abroad that would have been absolutely scrumptious had I the time to enjoy them ( I would have bought more than 1 and given away a few to friends and family upon return from the trips and the ones in the fridge are my own allocation). I will decide it I give them to Alam Flora or have a "Try If You Dare" party at home one of these days.
My friend H came by for breakfast. We had been planning to meet up for a while and when she heard that I was craving for Beef Serunding and Kelantanese Keropok, she came by to bring some. In return, I treated H to a Kopitiam breakfast at P.Damas, 2 eggs perfectly half-boiled and roti kahwin with a cup of steaming Hainan coffee.
I spent the afternoon catching up on my reading and browsing through the Sunday papers. Another old school friend came by to visit and it was another round of catching up on what's been happening and juicing up on the latest gossips and happenings in town. Hubby just bought her a birthday gift and she was testing it out on her own...a tow toned red/black Mini Clubman that looked really neat as she is rather petite. She had lost her sis-in-law to BC and shared her story on that. It was quite sad as that was about 6 months after she had a baby and even though the doctor estimated that she had 2 years before succumbing to the disease, it had metastasized and she did not respond well to her treatment.
Vik, my helper prepared some tempe-based snacks which was quite delicious and the snacks kept us fueled for rather interesting debates and discussions too sensitive to be captured in a cancer-related Blog. Except for prayer breaks, we really yakked our lives away as though there is no tomorrow, and
Vik kept topping up the table with different snacks as though to keep us going. It was after Maghrib when we dispersed and I decided that I should not go to the weekly Pasar Malam in Bangsar. The fridge inventory this morning indicated that I have enough stock to last for at least another week of cooking. Besides, I really should avoid going out too much when my body is without boosters at its lowest wbc period.
I stayed in to plan for the week and hope to go to the NCSM building tomorrow to catch up with Adeline Joseph and meet up with whoever might be in the support center tomorrow. I also want to find out if anyone has any plans to provide some support to actress Azean Irdawaty, who had recently been diagnosed as a Stage 3 BC and due for mastectomy at KLH this coming Wednesday. It doesn't sound like she has insurance and her mention in the Sunday papers that as an actress she has not been provided with Socso and EPF options, so I hope the financial situation will not cause her additional stress. I can imagine her anxiety and how worried her children must be. As a fellow BC patient, I pray for her that the operation will be smooth and that her recovery speedy so she can proceed with her chemo. If by any chance I meet her and find out that she is not using a chemo port, I will certainly share with her my personal experience of Thrombophlebitis.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Day 10 - Lots of Catching up to do
June 23 (Day 10 of Cycle 4)
It is day 10 when my wbc is supposed to be at it's lowest, at the bottom of a "V" graph if I were to plot one. The mission between now and July 3 is to see if my body will start to recover and build up on its own the wbc which have been hammered by the 4th cycle chemo drugs. I felt quite excited to see the outcome of this "experiment" and at the same time will give my body all the help it needs via a proper diet (blood enhancing one) and plenty of rest and avoiding crowds and sick people ( ie people who are sick who can infect m, and people who can make me sick and stress me and depress my immunity further).
In other words, stay at home. However, with my low moods lifted and I am close to feeling "normal" it is difficult to stay home. Luckily a friend who just returned from a biztrip in Bali called me up for breakfast and we ended up at Marmalade in Mt K. where there were more people there. It was nice to catch up that I forgot all about the MPH monthly breakfast club meet at BV 2 which would have been a good way to pass the time, until a friend sms-ed me to check if I was going. My breakfast ended in time for lunch and it was too late to go to BV2.
Some friends visited in the afternoon and Vik prepared her specialty-Meehoon goreng. We certainly yakked away and I was also trying to catch up on my reading ( imagine I didn't read any book pages since the chemo on June 14!). No wonder my mind felt clogged up like a stuck drain, and the chemo didn't help of course. I was trying to finish up a very depressing but inspirational book about life in a Nazi concentration camp and how, despite all adversities and death staring them in the face every second of the day , these people survived through the physical and mental anguish and torture. During the last 10 days the book spoilt my moods instead of improving it or inspiring me so I flung it under the bed because I did not want to see it. With my recharged mood, I fished it out again and completed it. It was funny how Vik placed the book on my bed whn she found it when doing my room and I kept flinging it under the bed, and she kept putting it back on my bed. This went on for days....
My bloated tummy feeling persisted and eating was still a problem. When my friends ( a trio of sisters, Mums on their evening out solo without their families who have their own programs) sms-ed to say they were going banana leaf for dinner after maghrib and if I wanted to join them, I jumped at the idea. My 3 guests and I trooped over to Nirvana Maju in Bangsar and we had a lovely banana leaf dinner washed down with ginger serbat.
It was close to 11 when we got back. Golden girls on ther night out and no one would have guessed that one of them is a real fuss-pot chemo patient trying to get some decent food in her tummy without burping in public. We seemed to bump into everyone that night. My friend's son must be so, so bored being the only male in the group and surely must have wished that he was at home watching Astro or surfing the net...But if he had been really listening to what was being discussed at the table that night, he would realise that even the internet and www would not have been able to supply as much information as provided by the conversation that night. I almost fainted when one of the ladies asked me if I want to go for supper before they send me home!
It is day 10 when my wbc is supposed to be at it's lowest, at the bottom of a "V" graph if I were to plot one. The mission between now and July 3 is to see if my body will start to recover and build up on its own the wbc which have been hammered by the 4th cycle chemo drugs. I felt quite excited to see the outcome of this "experiment" and at the same time will give my body all the help it needs via a proper diet (blood enhancing one) and plenty of rest and avoiding crowds and sick people ( ie people who are sick who can infect m, and people who can make me sick and stress me and depress my immunity further).
In other words, stay at home. However, with my low moods lifted and I am close to feeling "normal" it is difficult to stay home. Luckily a friend who just returned from a biztrip in Bali called me up for breakfast and we ended up at Marmalade in Mt K. where there were more people there. It was nice to catch up that I forgot all about the MPH monthly breakfast club meet at BV 2 which would have been a good way to pass the time, until a friend sms-ed me to check if I was going. My breakfast ended in time for lunch and it was too late to go to BV2.
Some friends visited in the afternoon and Vik prepared her specialty-Meehoon goreng. We certainly yakked away and I was also trying to catch up on my reading ( imagine I didn't read any book pages since the chemo on June 14!). No wonder my mind felt clogged up like a stuck drain, and the chemo didn't help of course. I was trying to finish up a very depressing but inspirational book about life in a Nazi concentration camp and how, despite all adversities and death staring them in the face every second of the day , these people survived through the physical and mental anguish and torture. During the last 10 days the book spoilt my moods instead of improving it or inspiring me so I flung it under the bed because I did not want to see it. With my recharged mood, I fished it out again and completed it. It was funny how Vik placed the book on my bed whn she found it when doing my room and I kept flinging it under the bed, and she kept putting it back on my bed. This went on for days....
My bloated tummy feeling persisted and eating was still a problem. When my friends ( a trio of sisters, Mums on their evening out solo without their families who have their own programs) sms-ed to say they were going banana leaf for dinner after maghrib and if I wanted to join them, I jumped at the idea. My 3 guests and I trooped over to Nirvana Maju in Bangsar and we had a lovely banana leaf dinner washed down with ginger serbat.
It was close to 11 when we got back. Golden girls on ther night out and no one would have guessed that one of them is a real fuss-pot chemo patient trying to get some decent food in her tummy without burping in public. We seemed to bump into everyone that night. My friend's son must be so, so bored being the only male in the group and surely must have wished that he was at home watching Astro or surfing the net...But if he had been really listening to what was being discussed at the table that night, he would realise that even the internet and www would not have been able to supply as much information as provided by the conversation that night. I almost fainted when one of the ladies asked me if I want to go for supper before they send me home!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Day 9 - A pleasant "surprise"?
June 22 (Day 9 of Cycle 4)
I was at the Medical Center by 8.30 am to get my interim blood count done and to get my new helper to have her medical check up run all over again, at the same medical center. For RM 180 I get them to run a 50 point check on her blood profile, chest xray, ECG,Urine and Physical Examination with a review with a doctor when the results are out in 5 day's time. I just wanted to rule out the contagious and infectious diseases which are not obvious, like TB and Hepatitis. I hope it will be a confirmatory all clear of earlier tests taken. I have heard of a number of horror stories where the maids were supposedly healthy and later found suffering from TB ( which doesn't happen overnight or in a a few months either) and worse, being pregnant!
As for my own tests and reviews that day, things seem to go wrong or right, depending on how I wish to look at it. First of all, we had a problem trying to get my blood sample as my veins were buried within the puffiness of my forearm. When we found one, the nurse was struggling to position the needle in order to suck blood out of me, and when she did , it was slow and painful. It seems the flow was slow. I refuse to let my mind indulge in that thought as already I was fast-forwarding to what it might be like for cycle chemo#5.
Then, I had to wait a l-o-n-g time to see the Onco even though the blood results were out an hour later. That was fine with me as Vik my helper was being tested for all her tests and will take a couple of hours before she is done. It was very kind of the folks at the Pathlab counter to help with the logistics as I was't able to take her around. There was a crowd and my regular Onco was in China and they had to wait for the relieving doctor to come over from another private medical center.
He came in about 11 am and there were a few chemo patients to see him before they proceed with their day's chemo. When it was my turn, it was a pleasant surprise to find that it is one of the doctors that I had earlier consulted for my nth opinion on to chemo-or-not to chemo at a private center. It was nice that he remembered me. I consulted him on my list of issues and concerns and he reviewed my file and case, and did a quick physical of my thrombo arm and looked for any signs of water retention and other puffiness.
It was interesting that in the same quest to ensure patients' wellbeing and optimise medical care, doctors have different approaches and belief systems.
This doctor reviewed my blood test results which read 2.3 for my wbc, and told me that I do not need to have boosters done. I was both pleased and concerned. Pleased because neupogen gave me backaches and I had to lie flat on the floor to ease the pains because movements caused jolting and shooting pains which come and go sporadically and when I least expected them. Concerned because, what happens if the wbc count do not go back to baseline level of 6.4 or at least to more than 3, will my 5th chemo be deferred? The doctor assured me that 2.3 is not critical, and I don't need booster now but I can come again on July 3 which is 2 days before chemo to check if the reading is 3 or less. He wants to test my body's natural response and recovery capabilities without any articifial growth factor's aid. If really necessary, we can get the boosters done on July 3 in time for the body to receive the next wave of chemo.
Hmm, I thought. It made sense and why not? I told the doctor that I wouldn't mind being experimented on if in his medical opinion that it is pefectly safe to do so. He reassured me it is. I am not sure what my regular Onco will say about all this but it will be interesting to hear when I see him on July 3 ( if he is not travelling that is).
I spent the rest of the day at home knowing that without any boosters for days 9 and 10, my wbc will be at their lowest and that is when I would be most vulnerable to infections. My sneezing slowed down somewhat perhaps due to the Scotts Cod Liver Oil. The doctor did not prescribe anything for it and told me to manage my problem with the post-constipation woes with the existing medication from the Pharmacy. If the symptoms persists by the next visit, he suggests I ask for atomic enemas, whatever they are.
All evening I was exchanging sms-es with chemo buddies and comparing notes on current cycles. And ended up as confused before I started!
I was at the Medical Center by 8.30 am to get my interim blood count done and to get my new helper to have her medical check up run all over again, at the same medical center. For RM 180 I get them to run a 50 point check on her blood profile, chest xray, ECG,Urine and Physical Examination with a review with a doctor when the results are out in 5 day's time. I just wanted to rule out the contagious and infectious diseases which are not obvious, like TB and Hepatitis. I hope it will be a confirmatory all clear of earlier tests taken. I have heard of a number of horror stories where the maids were supposedly healthy and later found suffering from TB ( which doesn't happen overnight or in a a few months either) and worse, being pregnant!
As for my own tests and reviews that day, things seem to go wrong or right, depending on how I wish to look at it. First of all, we had a problem trying to get my blood sample as my veins were buried within the puffiness of my forearm. When we found one, the nurse was struggling to position the needle in order to suck blood out of me, and when she did , it was slow and painful. It seems the flow was slow. I refuse to let my mind indulge in that thought as already I was fast-forwarding to what it might be like for cycle chemo#5.
Then, I had to wait a l-o-n-g time to see the Onco even though the blood results were out an hour later. That was fine with me as Vik my helper was being tested for all her tests and will take a couple of hours before she is done. It was very kind of the folks at the Pathlab counter to help with the logistics as I was't able to take her around. There was a crowd and my regular Onco was in China and they had to wait for the relieving doctor to come over from another private medical center.
He came in about 11 am and there were a few chemo patients to see him before they proceed with their day's chemo. When it was my turn, it was a pleasant surprise to find that it is one of the doctors that I had earlier consulted for my nth opinion on to chemo-or-not to chemo at a private center. It was nice that he remembered me. I consulted him on my list of issues and concerns and he reviewed my file and case, and did a quick physical of my thrombo arm and looked for any signs of water retention and other puffiness.
It was interesting that in the same quest to ensure patients' wellbeing and optimise medical care, doctors have different approaches and belief systems.
This doctor reviewed my blood test results which read 2.3 for my wbc, and told me that I do not need to have boosters done. I was both pleased and concerned. Pleased because neupogen gave me backaches and I had to lie flat on the floor to ease the pains because movements caused jolting and shooting pains which come and go sporadically and when I least expected them. Concerned because, what happens if the wbc count do not go back to baseline level of 6.4 or at least to more than 3, will my 5th chemo be deferred? The doctor assured me that 2.3 is not critical, and I don't need booster now but I can come again on July 3 which is 2 days before chemo to check if the reading is 3 or less. He wants to test my body's natural response and recovery capabilities without any articifial growth factor's aid. If really necessary, we can get the boosters done on July 3 in time for the body to receive the next wave of chemo.
Hmm, I thought. It made sense and why not? I told the doctor that I wouldn't mind being experimented on if in his medical opinion that it is pefectly safe to do so. He reassured me it is. I am not sure what my regular Onco will say about all this but it will be interesting to hear when I see him on July 3 ( if he is not travelling that is).
I spent the rest of the day at home knowing that without any boosters for days 9 and 10, my wbc will be at their lowest and that is when I would be most vulnerable to infections. My sneezing slowed down somewhat perhaps due to the Scotts Cod Liver Oil. The doctor did not prescribe anything for it and told me to manage my problem with the post-constipation woes with the existing medication from the Pharmacy. If the symptoms persists by the next visit, he suggests I ask for atomic enemas, whatever they are.
All evening I was exchanging sms-es with chemo buddies and comparing notes on current cycles. And ended up as confused before I started!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Day 8 of Cycle 4 - Manageable
June 21 (Day 8 of Cycle 4)
Aaahtchooo...!
There were several "aaahtchoos" during the night and I woke up with the onset of a flu. It has been ages since I last was affected by flu. The signs now could be indicative of stress or lowered immunity or both. Both are possible given the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing the last week or so and to the impact of the increased dosage of Epirubicin at chemo time.
The full, bloated feeling continues even though similar to the past few days, I did not eat too much. In fact, I couldn't eat much because I feel full very quickly even before I consumed my plateful of lunch or dinner. This morning, I woke up rather early as I felt nausea welling up in me for no apparent reason and had to sit up in bed until it is time to wake up. I was full of gas and although burping did not come naturally, I could easily coax the gas and flatulence out by massaging my back and shoulders. It is weird.
I pushed myself out of bed and decided to snap out of my moody doldrums today. Enough is enough. I was beginning to feel like a stranger, I couldn't recognise me. I told my helper not to prepare breakfast as I wanted to go for a long reflective walk and will have breakfast on the way back.
It was a reflective walk, not by any means a brisk, energetic walk but a very engaging walk. In complete contrast to what I felt yesterday, my foggy chemo mind somewhat cleared and I continued seeking guidance on how to recollect my composure. This is only the 4th cycle, I have 2 more to be tested on and I can't go it alone without God's help and blessings to enable me to manage the challenges. I can't go it alone and no one else can help me in this as a lot of the energy is mental, spiritual and internal.
I sense that the next one is not going to be any easier and setting my mind to a stronger tolerance level of anticipated harder times may be one way to manage, Insya Allah. I keep reminding myself that God will only challenge us according to our capacity and it is our job to prove ourselves to Him.
If there was a camera floowing me during my walk, I suspect it would have captured my endless sneezing and burpings and me looking amused each time it happened. That's because I made heads turn...not because of my bald head ( I put on a baseball cap) but because of my freeform and unabashed sneezings and burpings. I sure hope when I grow my hair back none of these people that crossed my path this morning will remember it was me that they had bumped just months back behaving "strangely"!
I decided to treat myself to a nasi lemak and horlicks at the stalls on Jalan 1, at the popular corner stall. No spicy sambal, just a touch with a small helping of beef rendang. I was reading the papers when a group descended on my table ( I had sat away from the crowd, just in case since I was sneezing away anyway) and one of them politely asked if the seats are taken. The group of about 6 joined me at the table and somehow we got talking about exercise.
The remarkable part of this encounter is that I had actually found myself a group that does yoga every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Bt Kiara Club as the only lady in the group is a Yoga instructor and the rest are her walking buddies who get free lessons from her! Ya Allah, God is really great. Yesterday, I was thinking hard about wanting to start on this to get the benefits from the meditative and breathing aspects, and my prayers were answered in a most coincidental way.
It made me reflect how Allah has designed this, since He is all knowing and all Compassionate. Had I not gone for my walk this morning and instead wallowed in bed feigning tiredness and moodiness, I would not have run into these new friends. They said they meet every morning to walk at Bt Kiara track and then they have breakfast everyday at the very stall that I had chosen to stop for breakfast this morning.
They sound like a cheery bunch and promised to introduce me to one of their buddies next week who happened to have just completed treatment for BC as well except that she did not opt for chemotherapy. It will be interesting to find out how she reached that decision and why and how she is coping so far. At 48 and an early Stage 1, I am quite surprised that her doctor did not recommend chemotherapy. And then again, maybe the doctor did but she opted not to.
I spent the day reflecting on what I need to discuss with my Onco tomorrow after my interim FBC. He had requested for the FBC to be on day 9 instead of the customary day 10 as he expects the increased dosage to really hammer my WBC. I will also bring Vik my helper along as I wanted her to undergo an independent non-fomema medical check-up. She appears hale and hearty but I just wanted to be doubly sure, for both her sake and mine. I had wanted to have it done last week but had forgotten to tell her to fast, and naturally the tests couldn't be completed.
The week flitted by so quickly despite the quirks and before I know it next week will Insya Allah be a high energy week and hopefully I will be able to get involved in some meaningful activities...and drive around more comfortably!
Aaahtchooo...!
There were several "aaahtchoos" during the night and I woke up with the onset of a flu. It has been ages since I last was affected by flu. The signs now could be indicative of stress or lowered immunity or both. Both are possible given the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing the last week or so and to the impact of the increased dosage of Epirubicin at chemo time.
The full, bloated feeling continues even though similar to the past few days, I did not eat too much. In fact, I couldn't eat much because I feel full very quickly even before I consumed my plateful of lunch or dinner. This morning, I woke up rather early as I felt nausea welling up in me for no apparent reason and had to sit up in bed until it is time to wake up. I was full of gas and although burping did not come naturally, I could easily coax the gas and flatulence out by massaging my back and shoulders. It is weird.
I pushed myself out of bed and decided to snap out of my moody doldrums today. Enough is enough. I was beginning to feel like a stranger, I couldn't recognise me. I told my helper not to prepare breakfast as I wanted to go for a long reflective walk and will have breakfast on the way back.
It was a reflective walk, not by any means a brisk, energetic walk but a very engaging walk. In complete contrast to what I felt yesterday, my foggy chemo mind somewhat cleared and I continued seeking guidance on how to recollect my composure. This is only the 4th cycle, I have 2 more to be tested on and I can't go it alone without God's help and blessings to enable me to manage the challenges. I can't go it alone and no one else can help me in this as a lot of the energy is mental, spiritual and internal.
I sense that the next one is not going to be any easier and setting my mind to a stronger tolerance level of anticipated harder times may be one way to manage, Insya Allah. I keep reminding myself that God will only challenge us according to our capacity and it is our job to prove ourselves to Him.
If there was a camera floowing me during my walk, I suspect it would have captured my endless sneezing and burpings and me looking amused each time it happened. That's because I made heads turn...not because of my bald head ( I put on a baseball cap) but because of my freeform and unabashed sneezings and burpings. I sure hope when I grow my hair back none of these people that crossed my path this morning will remember it was me that they had bumped just months back behaving "strangely"!
I decided to treat myself to a nasi lemak and horlicks at the stalls on Jalan 1, at the popular corner stall. No spicy sambal, just a touch with a small helping of beef rendang. I was reading the papers when a group descended on my table ( I had sat away from the crowd, just in case since I was sneezing away anyway) and one of them politely asked if the seats are taken. The group of about 6 joined me at the table and somehow we got talking about exercise.
The remarkable part of this encounter is that I had actually found myself a group that does yoga every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Bt Kiara Club as the only lady in the group is a Yoga instructor and the rest are her walking buddies who get free lessons from her! Ya Allah, God is really great. Yesterday, I was thinking hard about wanting to start on this to get the benefits from the meditative and breathing aspects, and my prayers were answered in a most coincidental way.
It made me reflect how Allah has designed this, since He is all knowing and all Compassionate. Had I not gone for my walk this morning and instead wallowed in bed feigning tiredness and moodiness, I would not have run into these new friends. They said they meet every morning to walk at Bt Kiara track and then they have breakfast everyday at the very stall that I had chosen to stop for breakfast this morning.
They sound like a cheery bunch and promised to introduce me to one of their buddies next week who happened to have just completed treatment for BC as well except that she did not opt for chemotherapy. It will be interesting to find out how she reached that decision and why and how she is coping so far. At 48 and an early Stage 1, I am quite surprised that her doctor did not recommend chemotherapy. And then again, maybe the doctor did but she opted not to.
I spent the day reflecting on what I need to discuss with my Onco tomorrow after my interim FBC. He had requested for the FBC to be on day 9 instead of the customary day 10 as he expects the increased dosage to really hammer my WBC. I will also bring Vik my helper along as I wanted her to undergo an independent non-fomema medical check-up. She appears hale and hearty but I just wanted to be doubly sure, for both her sake and mine. I had wanted to have it done last week but had forgotten to tell her to fast, and naturally the tests couldn't be completed.
The week flitted by so quickly despite the quirks and before I know it next week will Insya Allah be a high energy week and hopefully I will be able to get involved in some meaningful activities...and drive around more comfortably!
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