Day 8 of Cycle 4 - Manageable

June 21 (Day 8 of Cycle 4)


Aaahtchooo...!

There were several "aaahtchoos" during the night and I woke up with the onset of a flu. It has been ages since I last was affected by flu. The signs now could be indicative of stress or lowered immunity or both. Both are possible given the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing the last week or so and to the impact of the increased dosage of Epirubicin at chemo time.


The full, bloated feeling continues even though similar to the past few days, I did not eat too much. In fact, I couldn't eat much because I feel full very quickly even before I consumed my plateful of lunch or dinner. This morning, I woke up rather early as I felt nausea welling up in me for no apparent reason and had to sit up in bed until it is time to wake up. I was full of gas and although burping did not come naturally, I could easily coax the gas and flatulence out by massaging my back and shoulders. It is weird.


I pushed myself out of bed and decided to snap out of my moody doldrums today. Enough is enough. I was beginning to feel like a stranger, I couldn't recognise me. I told my helper not to prepare breakfast as I wanted to go for a long reflective walk and will have breakfast on the way back.


It was a reflective walk, not by any means a brisk, energetic walk but a very engaging walk. In complete contrast to what I felt yesterday, my foggy chemo mind somewhat cleared and I continued seeking guidance on how to recollect my composure. This is only the 4th cycle, I have 2 more to be tested on and I can't go it alone without God's help and blessings to enable me to manage the challenges. I can't go it alone and no one else can help me in this as a lot of the energy is mental, spiritual and internal.


I sense that the next one is not going to be any easier and setting my mind to a stronger tolerance level of anticipated harder times may be one way to manage, Insya Allah. I keep reminding myself that God will only challenge us according to our capacity and it is our job to prove ourselves to Him.


If there was a camera floowing me during my walk, I suspect it would have captured my endless sneezing and burpings and me looking amused each time it happened. That's because I made heads turn...not because of my bald head ( I put on a baseball cap) but because of my freeform and unabashed sneezings and burpings. I sure hope when I grow my hair back none of these people that crossed my path this morning will remember it was me that they had bumped just months back behaving "strangely"!


I decided to treat myself to a nasi lemak and horlicks at the stalls on Jalan 1, at the popular corner stall. No spicy sambal, just a touch with a small helping of beef rendang. I was reading the papers when a group descended on my table ( I had sat away from the crowd, just in case since I was sneezing away anyway) and one of them politely asked if the seats are taken. The group of about 6 joined me at the table and somehow we got talking about exercise.


The remarkable part of this encounter is that I had actually found myself a group that does yoga every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Bt Kiara Club as the only lady in the group is a Yoga instructor and the rest are her walking buddies who get free lessons from her! Ya Allah, God is really great. Yesterday, I was thinking hard about wanting to start on this to get the benefits from the meditative and breathing aspects, and my prayers were answered in a most coincidental way.


It made me reflect how Allah has designed this, since He is all knowing and all Compassionate. Had I not gone for my walk this morning and instead wallowed in bed feigning tiredness and moodiness, I would not have run into these new friends. They said they meet every morning to walk at Bt Kiara track and then they have breakfast everyday at the very stall that I had chosen to stop for breakfast this morning.


They sound like a cheery bunch and promised to introduce me to one of their buddies next week who happened to have just completed treatment for BC as well except that she did not opt for chemotherapy. It will be interesting to find out how she reached that decision and why and how she is coping so far. At 48 and an early Stage 1, I am quite surprised that her doctor did not recommend chemotherapy. And then again, maybe the doctor did but she opted not to.


I spent the day reflecting on what I need to discuss with my Onco tomorrow after my interim FBC. He had requested for the FBC to be on day 9 instead of the customary day 10 as he expects the increased dosage to really hammer my WBC. I will also bring Vik my helper along as I wanted her to undergo an independent non-fomema medical check-up. She appears hale and hearty but I just wanted to be doubly sure, for both her sake and mine. I had wanted to have it done last week but had forgotten to tell her to fast, and naturally the tests couldn't be completed.


The week flitted by so quickly despite the quirks and before I know it next week will Insya Allah be a high energy week and hopefully I will be able to get involved in some meaningful activities...and drive around more comfortably!