Things to be thankful for

June 6 ( Day 14, Cycle 3)


I did not sleep very well last night. I had to wake up twice at 2 am and just after 4 am to nurse my rumbling tummy which was giving me gastric pains. I tried taking some crackers and horlicks and 10ml of Gaviston after. It seems the gastric attacks are not letting up, and like it or not, I have to remember to have some crackers within reach to help fill up my tummy. It's not like I have not been eating. I have been keeping to a fixed schedule for the main meals and inbetween , would reach out for crackers and horlicks if the gastric pain plays up.


On day 13, there would be no more nausea. I have had the 2 booster shots of Neupogen given on 2 consecutive days ( a subcutanous shot via my tummy) and while I was fine after the 1st shot, the 2nd shot did result in the promised backaches. As it was a passing pain, it didn't bother me that much and I just need to remember that the pain would come shooting sometimes when I am getting up, or was turning around to reach out for something.


Thank God there was no more nausea. All I have to deal with now until things improve are a sore bottom, a sore throat ( or tongue, can't really tell) which makes swallowing crackers a bit of a challenge, gastric pains that comes and goes every couple of hours and my hardening chemo veins in my right arm. Quite a potpourri of pain and sensations to get used to and hopefully will disappear in time. I am just worried about the thrombophlebitis in my right arm, and concerned that all I am doing is rubbing a thin layer of hydrocortisone cream(1% steroid) over the affected area for 14 days. So far , I have not noticed an improvement and my elbow movements are restricted somewhat.


But I can still drive around and do personal chores. I met up for lunch with Dalilah, a lovely young lady who is a cancer survivor and we exchanged experiences. As expected, everyone goes through some similar side-effects but there were some that may be more prominent or less in others. She did not experience Thrombophlebitis ( but drug was administered via drip rather than manual) but she shared the common experience of gastritis, and how she managed her situation then.


I realised that all these pains and additional trials that are coming my way could be Allah's way of putting me on my toes, and that Allah will dish out just enough to get me off my comfort zone and get back on track. I had slowy assumed a "normal" life and treated myself to stolen moments of no-no(s) during treatment-the spicy curries and sambals sometimes because the tastebuds couldn't taste anything otherwise, and coffee because it smells so good! But I musn't let this continue and had got back on track after the serious gastric attack 2 Sundays ago.


Although I am riddled by the pains and side-effects that I have to manage, I
always try to take a moment each day to be thankful for the blessings that come my way. I always tell myself that things could be worse, and they weren't. I still have my mental faculty intact, so I can still pursue my favourite hobbies of reading, writing, and doing puzzles. I still have my sense of humour which is really helpful in seeing the positive and funny sides of things.


I have enough to enable me to live comfortably and independently while managing my illness and hopefully I am not causing a burden to others. I am also still able to help others if they need my help. I have a good support system to see me through my treatment. And when I feel ready, I can start on my personal projects that will make some of my dreams come true. My Dad is doing very well where he is , and my cats are managing without me just fine. And although I can't be with my long distance buah hati and he with me, our relationship hasn't changed just because I now am a BC patient. And today I heard that my PM is getting married! Now that is really something to be thankful for as no matter how important a man is, he needs a woman to stand by him and inspire him to do the right things..for us, for the nation...

My Boy Troy says: "Oh yeah? I don't need no woman....look, Milla is happily suckling me even though I am not a female cat. She thinks I am her surrogate mum and won't leave me alone..I like that, I feel really needed..."