Now A pain in the arm....wrist...

June 1 (Day 9 of cycle 3)



I had to wake up in the middle of the night for a mug of warm Milo and crackers to check the acidic feeling in my tummy. It was a long way to the kitchen to heat the water and I passed by my babies who were allowed to sleep in the house instead of in their big cage under the Serambi. There was one on the TV cabinet, 2 on the daybed, and most chairs had an occupant. I felt like "Cat Woman" (sorry Halle Berry for the unlikely association!). It felt strange to wake up and having to go to the kitchen just for a Milo. I should have stationed a hotwater flask and the necessary utensils and Milo in the room so I didn't have to get up and wake up all the cats. They jump at the slightest sound.





As the acidic feeling didn't quite leave me after Milo and crackers (5!), I decided to take 10ml of Gaviston. I was advised not to exceed 4 doses in a day, and I knew I had only 3 yesterday. It seems to me that this feeling in my stomach is not going to let up from now on, even if I avoid spicy food as the "damage" had been done, with the drugs affecting the lining of the digestive system and I had helped to expedite and trigger it before it was due. It will likely recover only after all chemos had been completed and when the system had time to heal naturally in good time. I don't really like taking the anti-gastric medication because of all the chemicals it contained, titanium oxide and whatever, which in turn have their own set of side effects.



One advise I would give to any new cancer patients doing chemo would definitely to stick to a plan of no chillis and spicy foods while still on a chemo regime and not to sneak in the odd laksa or curry as there is a price to pay. My only consolation is the spasms are now not as severe as the ones I experienced pre-nexium but how I wish I don't have this problem which now requires me to carry small packs of crackers in my bag and wake up at night clutching my tummy and then having to feed it Milo and crackers each time the spasms, though mild, start to hammer. I will now not smirk when someone tells me that they cannot puasa during Ramadhan because of severe gastritis, as they need to feed their tummies frequently.





Last night when I was about to sleep, I was surprised to see my Boy Troy placing himself squarely on my bed! As he hasn't been groomed since the last time he was in KL when I would do it for all of them, I did not think it a good idea to have him sleep anywhere near me for risk of infections or unintended cat scratches which might expose me to infections. So, he was gently coaxed to sleep on the bathroom mat. Ashley had booked herself a spot on the telephone table while Putri slept on my small trolley bag! They were all glad to see me and naturally assumed it was ok for them to hang around the room where I normally sleep.





At time of writing this, my mobile rang and it showed a strange non-directory number. It was one of the carers in the nursing home saying that my dad wants her to check if I am okay. See, that is why I hesitated about sharing with him the true nature of my illness, as he is now very worried and apparently was tossing and having nightmares last night. He spoke to me on the phone but he couldn't hear what I said in return. He had lost 80% of is hearing in the last few years so it is difficult to have a long distance teleconversation with him. I told the carer to tell him not to worry as I have good doctors and I see the Onco every 10 days. And I will visit again to show him that I am fine.





Today I noticed that the base of my nails are beginning to assume a darkish tone ranging from deep brown to purplish-blue. I think another of the side-effects is manifesting itself. And a strange sprain-like ache is sometimes present in my right wrist along the veins that had been used to administer the chemo drugs. It started a few days ago, but I had thought it was just a stray shooting pain that will not repeat. But this now has been persistently present for the last 4 /5 days at least. It is not painful but aches whenever I moved my wrist a certain way. I am just wondering if the chemo drugs might hurt the veins. It felt as though the veins had hardened in places.





When I determined the starting point of the ache, it is on the upper back of my hand along the wrist bone. Tracing the pain, it seemed to have started from the vein used during the second chemo and I could feel a slight hardening of the vein and perhaps just a slight impression of a swelling under the skin. If I were to lightly run my fingertips along the vein, it is obvious there is a light swelling (but not noticeable visually, no bump) under the skin and it could be a vein. When I stretch my right arm, I could feel a strain and all along my forearm I could feel a tightness, so that I could not stretch my arm without noticing the tightness.



I don't recall twisting or injuring my arm in any way, so it is another mystery developing, and certainly not one that I had read about. I hope it will go off as silently as it had crept up as my imagination is beginning to function on overdrive right now, that I might have burst a vein. Certainly something I must remember to mention to the Onco when I see him next.





The acidic feeling is back, and I am burping again. But a much improved situation. I was told by a chemo-buddy that this is a side effect waiting to happen, whether or not I had downed that Assam Laksa. It is both a consolation and not. It means I have to live with this discomfort for the next 3 cycles (translated into 12 weeks, including the post-chemo of the 6th cycle.



I am so used to walking around not covering my bald head in my KL house. However here in Melaka, it feels really odd to do that so I use a turban style serkup. Like this morning when I had to run some errands and my dad's car wouldn't start, I sought the help of my relative to drive me around from errand to errand and I put on the turban. I was wearing a baju kurung, so it looked cool. But it was hot, as it was close to mid-noon, and I was so tempted to pull it free. But I managed to complete all errands , turban intact.



There were a few weddings happening all over the kampung and I saw the many photostated slips of paper announcing so & so's daughter or son's wedding, the date , time and place. Usually at home in gotong royong fashion like the good old days. A simple enough, straight from the heart kind of invitation often delivered personally and likely bearing with it a premium of sincere expectation of one's company at the event. Unfortunately I will not be able to join them on Sunday as I would be leavng for KL tomorrow (Saturday afternoon). I would miss the heavenly gulai kawah of fresh beef (usually slaughtered on the spot a day before) rendang and nasi beriani cooked gotong royong kampung style, with the very rare ingredient nowadays of genuine sincerity and open-heartedness of wanting the guests to be there to celebrate the event and not to show off what kind of extravaganza the family can afford, as is happening in the cities and towns today........I am glad I don't have to marry off my babies!