Day 19 - Ulcers and Blisters

July 3 (Day 19 of cycle 4)

The ulcers have migrated from the top of my lower lip to it's base and the nerve ends must have hit the nerve ends of my gums that the pain is not unlike a nagging toothache. I often bit my lower lip by accident, and when this happens when there is a growing ulcer on the exact spot where my teeth landed, a piercing scream could result, no matter if I am in the privacy of my won dining table or in the middle of a busy restaurant. Which is exactly what happened on Monday afternoon when I was in this busy restaurant in Bangsar!

My veins in the right forearm are still hard and stiff and it is quite worrying. How will they administer the chemo drugs on Thursday if they cannot locate a vein too. Will I then have to get a chemo port done jsut for 3 more cycles, and be subject to another op and a round of anasthesia. The thought is more daunting than the anticipated pain that I know will be part of the deal when the drugs course through my hardened veins, just like at the 4th chemo.


I realised today that while I have confirmed our travel dates for Bali and that my friend from Sydney will be able to meet up with us there, I will be missing a very interesting International convention right here in KL for Cancer Survivors and Care Givers, organised by the BCWA. What a shame. I had read about the International Congress on Breast Cancer and Colorectal Cancer during the same period and understood that participants are those in the health care business, discussing the latest in the field of medicine relating to the 2 ailments. What I did not realise is that BCWA is also organising around the same time a convention for International Cancer Survivors to meet up and have round table discussions and a sharing of experiences. One of my cancer buddies will be presenting a paper on treatment options and costs, from a cancer perspective and my breast surgeon will lead a round table discussion on Shopping for Doctors.


Life is about making choices and the right decisions, based on best information available. The perfect scenario for me would be go to Bali and attend the convention upon return, or attend the convention and then go to Bali to chill out. As it turns out, the airtickets and hotel can be confirmed around the dates I had chosen, not earlier and not later, with 5 of us trying to get a mutually convenient date. If I were to pull out, 4 others will be affected and I don't have the heart to cancel it especially since I ave got everyone quite excited over the trip. My assurance is that some people I know will be attending and I could gather how the event turned out. I am sure it will be generously covered by the media as Breast Cancer is receiving a lot of attention, and a lot of research and business activities revolve around it.


I have made the decision, and I have convinced myself it is the right one to spend some time with my siblings, as ridiculous though it may sound, it has not always been easy to find a suitable time to go holiday together. Conventions come and go and there will always be similar arrangements in future, and I don't know what God's plans are and if I will be around to enjoy a good holiday with close family members if I wait for "the next time". I am sure they will be other opportunities to meet up with survivors from all over the globe and trade experiences and tips, but the way things turn out, it must be part of God's plan.


We will celebrate my dad's birthday at the end of July and spend a few days with him at home in Melaka while my sister and niece are around. Hopefully we can spend some time to get the plan about planting dragonfruits to gel a bit more. It is beginning to sound very interesting....and promising, Insya Allah. I am already visualising me giving baskets and hampers of bright red dragon fruits to friends and family, all country grown in an organic way. Insya Allah, this "Naga Saga" will materialise if enough heads are equally committed. I am not going to be the old me who will be 133% enthusiastic about things and ended up shouldering the burden and responsibilities alone! Will need to test the interest barometer for sharing both the hard work. No need to test the barometer on who will be happy to share in the output and produce, there will be many, based on past experience.....