Bosom Buddies

It took me quite a while to come to terms with the fact that treatment for early BC as in my case is not simply a surgery to remove the lump. That is in fact just the beginning of a series of treatments ( which I will refer to as "treats" to make it sound more patient-friendly).

This coming week, the first of the treats will be administered. The plan is to administer via IV method a combination of drugs-Fluorouracil,Epirubicin and Cytoxan (FEC/CEF). Each with a role to play systemically via the bloodstream to get to the misbehaving cells.I will be given a measured dose every 3 weeks for 6 cycles and during that time, the fight against the disease will continue, and I have to accept the side-effects which come as part of the deal. The scary part is the side-effects, but I have managed to conquer that fear with promises of a cancer-free body at the end of the cycles to be followed up with two different types of treats-irradiation and anti-estrogen hormone related drug.

I am still not sure which is scarier. The actual side-effects of the drugs when they begin to work on me or the fact that I am all alone when I get the nausea, cramps and retchings. How will I get to the medical center if I have fever, can I take a taxi, will I get there in time, will I throw up in the car? Can I manage my day to day household chores when I am fatigued all the time before the maid arrives? The agency is taking a long time to supply me with the maid I had signed up and paid for.

In the last year or so, I have been my own company and found much pleasure and comfort in being on my own. I have many friends that I can connect with when I need company. It was a good time for me to re-examine certain emotional baggage that I had been carrying that I thought was beginning to affect my wellbeing. Yet, amidst the comfort and satisfaction of being independent, my over-developed sense of guilt nibbled and gnawed my soul. Why am I in KL? Shouldn't I be in Melaka? But why should I be in Melaka when I could not lead the life I wanted to there, not yet, anyway? Should I continue putting my passions and interests on hold so that others can get on with their lives? Where is the gratitude and acceptance of the people that I had put my own life aside for? Why, How, What, When - all these questions popped up ever so often and the answers I had for myself began to improve over time. I was certain that I have found the center and core of my soul.

So why do I discover cancer when I am just about to embark on my personal journey. I had planned so much for 2007. Will I get to work my plans to fruition? Cancer has certainly derailed my plans, or has it? Has it shown up just in time for me to re-evaluate some of it, tone it down a bit and for me to get real? No one I know has survived cancer alone. Maybe some tried but did not live long enough to tell their story.

Everyone I met repeated the same advice-Do not be alone when you are undergoing treatment for your cancer. You need someone in the house with you. Someone needs to be there to do errands and little chores during the times when your energy level is low. When your spirit is low, someone needs to be around to motivate you to keep going. Diet and nutrition is very important so make sure you eat well, even if your appetite is supressed because of the yucky aftertaste in your mouth. Someone needs to be around to laugh with you ( when all the hair drop like autumn leaves?). When you cry, you need someone around to soothe your fears and sadness, or else you will feel very depressed.

So many reasons not to be alone. Everyone, including my doctors, assumed that my family members are readily available to provide support and take on care-giver roles. My family is not as cohesive as we used to be when my late Mum was still around. My Dad is in a very nice private nursing home. A younger brother now lives on his own in Melaka and I am sort of a surrogate parent to him, and I thank Allah that he has been managing quite well on his own even though he is hearing-impaired and communicate via sign language and the written words. Two other brothers have lives of their own, growing a young family for one, and the other managing a second generation brood ( grandchildren). My sister-inlaw helped with the logistics of getting me around and doing the shopping. However a brood of 5 growing boys, with a hyper-active Down Syndrome 8 year-old is enough to keep her and my brother's hands full. A sister lives overseas with a family and career of her own. She flew over to be with me the week of my lumpectomy and stayed in the hospital with me.

I will never even think of upsetting the balance in their lives just because mine has been dinked by cancer. I have always been adequately independent and used to play the role of care-giver and primary supporter of my parents in their old age. I cannot bear to think that now I am going to be dependent on others?

Common sense prevailed after a lot of soul searching in between researching for information on how best to manage life during and after cancer treatments. My doctor told me if you have many friends, this is the time God wants you to find out who your true friends are. She has a good point. I do have many, many friends and cannot think of a time when I would turn down a request or appeal for assistance. Infact when the situation called for it, I would offer help even before being asked because I know it is not easy to ask for help. Even parents have a problem asking their children for help and it takes intuition to sense when you can go out to meet their needs without them feeling that they have to beg for their own blood to help them.

I am quite fortunate that like my parents, I did not have to ask around for help. Some of the people that I know contacted me soon as they learnt about my predicament and offered their homes and maids if I don't feel like being HOME ALONE during treatments. Their gestures really touched me. Others offered to run errands when they are free and some offered to come over to stay to prepare meals or help to supervise the maid. Some of the offers for help came from very unexpected quarters. A lady I met at the National Cancer center was going to arrange for a friend in Perlis(!!!!) to come down and be on standby in the house in case I need someone to help with chores.

It is very humbling to realise that there are so many out there who are genuinely keen to help, I only need to open my mouth.
Some of the folks I meet could not imagine why it is so difficult for me to accept help from others during a time when it is critical that I rely on others for things that I may be indisposed to carry out. I have now managed to address that reluctance to rely on others and have learnt to be comfortable about letting others know when I can do with some help.

If Freud is alive, I might ask him why I had that reluctance in the first place, especially when it has been so easy for me to help others. He might tell me that it is EGO. And that I must let go of this notion of being a superwoman. Or he might conjure a guess that I might have been badly scarred in the past when I had asked for help but was badly let down that the subconscious mind had stoically vowed never to ask for help or rely on others ever again? Well, Freud is not alive. My friends are, so if anything, they are the ones who can help me manage should I need some moral support.

I now conclude that it is true. When you are undergoing treatment for Breast cancer, you do need buddies, bosom buddies. For that I am grateful for the unsolicited offers of help from SNA, SM, NJ, SMM, RJ,MRJ,AH,URUN,NK,R,HJ,MC, KD,NMN and many others who provided support in terms of information, advice and tips. How well I emerge from the upcoming treatments will be a reflection of how strong I am facing the related side-effects and mood-swings and the unfailing support of my bosom buddies.

p.s.
A good read on why Chemotherapy is a prudent treat to manage can be found in a number of helpful websites on BC. The bookshops in KL do carry a good number of titles by eminent doctors and health professionals, and I will try to list them down whenever appropriate. Anyone interested to know more should surf the web or get the latest published editions. These should reflect the latest updates and findings in an area which is receiving significant attention and funding for continuous research on prevention, treatment and cure.

In any case, for anyone wanting to know about BC before getting hit by it but want to do so in a light hearted mode(rather difficult for a grave subject as this), I would recommend the Australian edition of "Breast Cancer for Dummies". Even if you have tears of despair upon diagnosis, a few pages into the book will turn them into tears of mirth, as the book is laced with witty humour and yet not downplaying the seriousness of the subject.

My personal "favourite" if there is such a label for a book on cancer is "Mayo Clinic Guide for Women's Cancers". Or get into their website at http://mayoclinic.com