Chemo Moments

It seems that I am all set for Round 1 of chemo tomorrow! After shaking off a lingering headache that started last night, I went to the medical center to get a blood test and echocardiagraphy report done. The Oncologist reviewed the reports and gave the all clear to proceed.

He explained to me again what will be done. At the last meeting, he mentioned that I will not need a chemoport as my veins are fine for the usual IV method. Great. One less surgery. We went through the planned regiment of the drugs to be used, every 3 weeks for 6 cycles. Possible side effects of the combined drugs were again highighted ( as if I could forget after reading about them in the books in the newly created niche in my mini home library!).

Who could forget that the possible side effects would be lethargy and fatigue, nausea and vomitting, depressed appetite (well, we shall see about that one!),mouth ulcers and lowered blood count. And of course the 101% guarantee of temporary hair loss (move aside, Persis Khambatta and Britney Spears) and lastly a rather scary Epirubicin-induced red coloured urine!!

So far so good, the information really worked to scare the living daylights out of me. So I need to be sure that I eat well, good nutritious food to keep my energy level up and sustain my weight. A big no-no will be eating out at hawker centers where the hygiene is questionable and to avoid raw,uncooked food. No yoghurt or fresh milk due to the live culture in milk products during the treatments. Also to avoid greasy food and go easy on soya. And most importantly, to drink up lots of water and juices.

Armed with all that information, I have tonight to work on my yo-yo mind (even at this stage I have doubts of should I or shouldn't I?)and be mentally prepared when I wake up tomorrow. No burrowing back into the covers but a direct hop into the shower and straight onto the sejadah. I will really need to pray hard for Allah to give me the strength and fortitude to weather the first impact, and hopefully things will fall in place soon after. I might surprise my doctor and tell him "When can we start?"

I will need to FOCUS. The treatment is essential and necessary. It does not do to load my mind with worries like what if my dad wants me to be in Melaka this weekend ( I did not tell him about chemo)? What if my brother needed some help in Melaka and no one is free to offer assistance? What if one of my beloved cats disappear and couldn't be traced? Are all the "what ifs" very thin disguises of possible excuses to further delay therapy?

I was just on the phone with a friend who is a strong person. She reminded me that it is perfectly okay to put self first at moments like this. Chemo moments are when you need to be a little bit selfish ,when you need to focus on yourself. Pay attention to how your system is reacting to the drugs, learn when it is time to boost up your nutrient intake so that you are not easily fatigued. Plan your diet to include lots of green leafy vegetables to ensure a good hemaeglobin count. "ENSURE" powdered food supplement helps to ensure complete nutrition ( I remember nourishing my late mom with this nutritious drink whenever her energy level was low).

I found a book that explained about the healing foods that would help boost the immune system. "What To Eat If You Have CANCER" by Maureen Keane, M.S. and Daniella Chace, M.S. is a handy book to have by the kitchen table for planning meals during the various stages of treatments. I have read this book while recuperating in hospital and have visions of me preparing food in the kitchen ala Nigella Lawson. Until I learnt that sometimes you can be too tired to even get a drink from the refrigerator. Hopefully someone like our famous Rohani Jelani or Chef Wan would come out with a book with menus and recipes carved out for these chemo moments. Or perhaps a "meals-on-wheels" service direct to the dining table?

One of the doctors I consulted with had kindly provided me with a copy of a journal with helpful contents relating to managing adjuvant therapy. Succinct notes on what to expect from the treatment, side effects and how to manage, contact numbers for resource centers and hospitals with established oncology departments and most helpful are diary pages to record daily experiences relating to the treatments. I will certainly put it to good use and feel quite priviledged to get a copy as it saves me the time to format my own.

I am ready to try and have a good night's sleep and hope that I will not wake up with a headache. Because if the headache delays the first round of chemo, I know a much bigger headache might be looming around the corner!