Blackie The Orphan

Blackie The Orphan Stray Domestic - the neighbourhood Patrol Cat

May 6-Day 4 Cycle

Lethargy was the order of the day. I am really struggling to key this entry. This morning Kakak prepared a simple nasi lemak breakfast and urged me to try some as she saw that I wasn't too keen on the oats and Milo. I tried the nasi lemak with just a little bit of the sambal and it did taste good. Happy that I had entertained my taste buds with something that might wake me up and hopefully moved my bowels, I felt a trifle better. The nasi lemak sambal I think did the trick that wasn't successfully done by the prune juice. I woke up my colon and bowel!

I felt a lot better though the tiredness persisted. I felt heavy lidded but not sleepy, just kind of druggy(?) and spent ages trying to catch up with the Sunday papers. I walked to the nearby shops to grab the Sunday papers and even the short walk made me tired. Maybe the 2nd chemo cycle catches up on me and I need to rest a little more to let the WMDs do their job.

I spent the whole day just sorting out some paperwork and reading and did not go out except in the evening to eat and shop for the coming week. I went to Bangsar with TKL and SMM for some supplies at the BV1 Organic shop. We had dinner there, which is turning out to be a weekly routine. TKL is a plucky cancer survivor who has just completed her treatment and living life to the fullest. It's amazing how normal people appear after they complete treatment. Normal but more selective of what needs to be done and how to spend the rest of life doing things that are meaningful to you. She assured me that it is quite normal to feel "hit" by the 2nd treatment as the body is less strong compared to the first time. She was flat out for 10 days when she thought she needed only 5 to recover. So it seems I am on the "right" track, and that feeling this tired is something I need to get used to this time around.

We had so much food for dinner due to some foul-up with the order but we did justice to the food. The menu was organic all the way. We had Pumpkin soup, Spinach Salad, Stir-fried Spinach and Mixed Vegetable Rice on a bed of wild rice shared by the 3 of us. I was tired but coaxed myself to eat and by the time we finished, I was totally zonked out and could only manage to walk back to the car.

When we got home, Blackie the neighbourhood stray was waiting for us by my front gate. Ever since Troy, Ashley and Putri were sent back to Melaka to be cared for my brother, it felt really strange not to have them around and the place felt really empty and quiet. So when Blackie the neighbourhood stray decided to linger around my front garden, I would put out some feed for him. Infact, I have left food for him and other strays in the wooden feeding bowl in the porch for quite a while now. I just have this thing for cats, stray or otherwise.

It seems for the Chinese black cats, are taboo as a pet, especially those with green eyes. Tonight I learnt that Blackie's eyes are green, sort of. But should I chase him off just because his eyes are green? Where will he go, who will feed him. And he's not a bad sort of cat and knows his place and does not enter the house unless I wanted him to. Poor Blackie, he is alone, his Mum was flattened infront of my neighbour's house 2 years ago when he was a small kitty and he had been hanging around our road for quite sometime. When I lived in Melaka, God knows who has been feeding him as he looked quite well cared for. Well, Blackie, as long as I am around here and you drop by the house, I will feed you and you will not be hungry, Insya Allah. Just doa that I will recover and you can come here anytime and I will feed you, Insya Allah.

By the time TKL and SMM left, I was ready to collapse but I couldn't sleep, just exhausted over God knows what. If this feeling of lethargy persists, I am going to feel really terrible and hopeless. I took a late night shower thinking that I might feel refreshed and mabe bury myself in a good book or something. It did not work. My body was hot, even after the shower and my throat felt parched. But when I tried to drink, the water tasted really awful. Not quite the "metallic" taste the books referred to, but just a generally unpleasant taste that can make your stomach lurch.

I lay on the bed feeling really miserable because I can't seem to focus when I tried to read and music bothered my head, which was beginning to ache on the sides. At this point I still have a sparse growth of hair on my scalp, the few stubborn ones remaining. I will let the 2nd round of WMDs do their job to shed them off. I put very little on to sleep as my body felt hot ( but no temperature), it was almost like a series of hot flashes. I must have dozed off eventually as when I woke up on early Monday morning (4 am) the room was bright and I have a few books by my side which I was attempting to read, but didn;t quite get around to it.

Ya Allah, I hope the following days will be better. It is quite a torture to be awake but not able to do what your mind wants you to do. I really would not wish for anyone else to go through this experience, it makes a person feel really helpless not to be able to make your own body do your bidding.