Round 1 round-up

May 1(Day 21 post-first chemo)
Today I complete the first cycle of my chemo "treat"
2nd Chemo is scheduled for May 2 but will be done on May 3 as on May 2 the Medical Center will be closed (also a public holiday ).


I think the cats are protesting that I keep publishing their pics and not ones that were showing them at their best angles, so they are challenging me to do the same for myself......so here are some pics taken so far recording one of the most visible aftermath of my battle against the cancer....my crown of glory razed to the ground....well almost!


Pic 1:Lush Garden backdrop contrasting vividly with the bald patch on head (taken 2 days ago).


Pic 2:Still smiling.......just a hint of sadness perhaps at receding hair and shedding hair all over?


Pic 3: Receding by the hour.......thank God no pain but kind of worried since hair is so near them brain cells...! Must continue to do more puzzles, Sudoku, read, read, read to keep them active and strong so they survive the WMD assaults......

If I am brave enough I will post one of when I am completely bald. I have decided not to shave all just yet just to see the full impact of the WMD. I still have a few strands left but by the end of Round 2 I think they will be all gone. Including brows and lashes. I won't recognise me..

Round 1 round-up:

I like the month of May! It reminds me of the Bee Gees hit "The First Of May", the song that would remind me of the happy days of adolescence, a time of growth, of hope and of aspirations. Looking back, I am grateful to the Almighty that life has been kind to me and our family. We have all been provided with more than adequate opportunties to make something out of our lives, and all of us have made our own individual choices on how we want to live it. On balance, with all its expected and unexpected ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows, nice surprises and anticipated gloom and doom, happiness and sadness, life has been fair. We have been able to cope, although it may not have seemed so at times.

So it is with this present experience I am going through. I have had 3 months of uncertainty grappling with how to manage a situation that started simply as a visit to a GP to treat a minor infection, which then grew to a surgical procedure to remove an abscess, and then a full blown surgery to remove a cancerous lump and 21 lymph nodes. That was just the beginning and it would seem that there would be no end in so far as managing the situation. As long as I live, managing the situation would be as important to me as breathing. I cannot afford to let my guard down. It would fill me up with anticipated problems and kind surprises but along the way, I have faith that it would equip me to be stronger than I had ever been before, in managing the disease which will continue to be my conscience as long as I live...in a positive way.

January 8, 2007 . The first time I received intervention to treat my left breast. On March 8, further intervention to remove the life-threatening lump, following which I had to educate myself very quickly on what this condition is all about and the reality of what is involved to manage this for the rest of my life. I had to make a decision that will affect me for the rest of my life regardless of which way I decide in a very short time, a matter of weeks. Because I was totally unprepared, I had the added stress of trying to build up my knowledge of the disease by laying my hands on as much information as I could, trying to comprehend and digesting the information so that I know what I will be letting myself into. I consulted with as many doctors as my time would allow to get 2nd, 3rd and even 4th opinions (even though my insurance unfortunately doesn't pay for second opinions, although most new policies now do cover for this). I met up with many BC support network groups and talked to survivors and cousellors I met, and I discussed options. Even then I got it wrong initially because I thought as an early case with a small tumour I could skip the chemo and dive straight into Radiotheraphy and Hormonal Therapy. I met a survivor who had a similar prognosis like mine, who did exactly that and she had a recurrence hardly a year later when she had a new growth on her chestbone. She wished she could turn back the clock.

That decided it for me after yo-yoing through what to do( I am murdering the English language here, but the word aptly described my mood and decision making process during that period). Finally on April 9, a decision was made to proceed with adjuvant therapies-Chemo, Radiation and Hormonal, in that order. An informed and calculated decision following days of discussions and negotiations with various health care proffessionals and the breast cancer support network. I started off being a reluctant participant and voiced out my concerns of being over-treated. If I am early stage why do I need to go through all 3 therapies? Can I just not have just 2 out of 3. Will the benefits really outweigh the unpleasant side effects? What about quality of life? What about Life, they asked me back! Let's do it one step at a time, as cancer is a progressive disease.

It was good to have voiced out all those concerns. Challenging the prescribed treatments brought forth the arguments and reasons of why, despite an early stage, it is prudent to be over-treated. Of course the side-effects were the main concerns. Not just the medical side-effects. I was earlier very apprehensive about the psychological and emotional side-effects, of having to be reliant on others and of feeling vulnerable. Of having to worry about people close to me who may be shocked that I am not as invincible as they thought I was and I may not be able to be there for them. My father, my brother, my cats....

Syukur Alhamdullillah Round I has been very educational, in more ways than one. I experienced for myself what the treat(ment) is all about. I am more prepared to face Round 2 as I know how my body will react to the drugs(WMD). They got my hair this time, but not my spirit yet. Insya Allah I hope it will stay that way. I am aware there will be new challenges as my body receives an accumulation of the WMD while I work hard to eat, rest and live well to ensure my blood count and immunity are not hammered as badly.

Again for Round 2, I would expect to feel nauseous for up to 4 /5days, then a dip in WBC count during the 2nd week and go for a booster, if so, and likely by then my eyebrows and eyelashes would disappear as well. Hopefully no new side-effects will be manifested by then. Hopefully no mouth sores, diarrhea, aches and pains as more good cells are zapped by the WMD. What it will do to my moods and spirit will depend on how receptive I will be to what will be coming and take all those in good stride and remain positive that those too will pass, just as in Round 1.

Insya Allah, I will manage just as others have managed before me. I am thankful to all my friends and close siblings who have assisted me in Round 1, and I am sure I can count on them to face Round 2 and beyond. I am also grateful to the survivors, the special people who have made it through their treatments and who have inspired me - Dr S, PS June, NJ, Ranjit, Adeline, Ann, Proff Has, Raden Galoh, Kuey Lan. God Bless them all.

May 3 is peeping around the corner, and Insya Allah I will be braver this time.

I will impress the Onco nurses by not cringing when they look for my veins. And most definitely I will show them my new look!