Today is Mother's Day Sunday. Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are mothers......may you get to spend the day with your loved ones and be reminded again, and again, that you are loved even though at times it may not have been that obvious........!!
...................HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....................
It is day 11 of cycle 2. It is a "normal" day today.....no more side effects, no signs of fatigue. It is a normal Sunday, a laid back day, a read-the-Sunday papers-brunch-with friends-p.malam-day. There was an interesting article about building better libraries in one of the papers. Here's hoping that the writer would be contacted by the relevant authorities to "audit" their community libraries to see if these will pass the acid test. Otherwise we will continue to be spending public funds running these places as only a storage space for old, outdated books. I have been to a couple of community libraries where the buildings have been newly reconstructed, only to be filled up with only old books. One gets the feeling of visiting a book museum rather than an actively furnished library.
As today is Mother's Day, the papers had a good coverage on how Mothers are celebrated today. I couldn't help feeling slightly envious of the people who still have their Mums to love, spoil and cherish. And the fact that they are able to have them around today.
My own mum passed on more than 3 years ago and not a day has passed without me thinking about her, missing her, and sometimes talking to her. After each solat, I recite the Surah Al-Fatihah for her. At extreme moments ( of happiness or disappointments ), my mind automatically goes into a " if only Emak is here she will....."mode. When cornered to make a decision, after going through fancy decision making approaches, it was always the "what will Emak do, if she is in my position" question that will give me my answer. Almost always.
So today being Mother's Day, I salute my Emak. I can't buy her a gift or bring her a cake or pink flowers(her favourite colour). I can't hug her and tell her I am still very sorry that I was not able to be by her side when she went to meet the Almighty on that fateful day in October 2003. But what I can do today is to doa for her soul to rest in peace. She must be very tired after raising all the 6 of us. I will doa that she be blessed, like I do every day, without fail. Chemotherapy side-effects and fatigue have not succeeded to make me forget this daily ritual that I do for Emak. Hopefully not ever.
I believe in Qada and Qadar. But what wouldn't I give to have her with me just for a moment during this period in my life. Just to be able to share with her my fears and concerns and have her wisely tell me that "semua penyakit ada ubat, yang mustahak kita mesti usaha". She walked her talk and I am sure if she was still around, she will be my first point of consult to tell me to go ahead and leave it to the doctors. She had great faith in the medical proffession. She will leave no room for doubt in the decision I had made.
I imagine Emak would ask to see the surgery site. Just like when we had a fall or a bump when we were kids, she would gently touch the sore spot, and blow it gently (hembus) with her mother's breath and recite a few ayats to make me feel better. And I would know that would contribute to 90% of my recovery and the rest would be my effort. And God's will. Now that Emak is not around, it will be 100% my effort and God's will. My built-in pillar of support is now my own will ,and the strength I hope I had inherited from her, from looking after her during the last few years of her life.
I miss you Emak. Not just today but every day. And I hope my doa(s) are delivered to you in the hope that you are at peace until that day when all of us meet again. Alfatihah kepada Emak. Semoga Roh Emak di cucuri rahmat. Amin.
7 comments:
Dear Azmi,
FEC or FAC regimes are not as toxic as when the adriamycin and cytoxan is combined with taxane. Thus, you can afford to let your body recover naturally, only it will prolonged your interchemo period. They won't give chemo if Hb and counts low.
Try sayur keledek or pumpkin with pucuk midin, masuk bawang merah dan kunyit tumbuk, lada hitam tumbuk dan ikan or udang tumbuk dalam santan, and the midin and the ubi or labu. Matsalleh suka recommend pumpkin in diet.
Azmni, your entry today makes me realize how I don't do much to my mum... in short banyak yang I take for granted sebab dia masih ada... Thank you, my friend for giving me this light...
Al fatihah to your mom... and you take care. I do'a Allah mudahkan urusan treatment chemo and radio you, insya'allah...
Dear Azmi,
Your Ibu may not be here, but her spirit lives on in your heart and those dear to her. The fact that you remember everything about her is testimony of her real presence.
We don't understand why things happen. But there's always an equal compensation for the things we lost.
Beethoven's best masterpieces happened after he lost his hearing.
Don't worry abt self-doubt. Faith and doubt exist side by side. If doubt is absent, there is no real faith.
I have a lot of doubts too. In the midst of doubt, we choose faith cos it's the path to life.
This journey of your life makes me sharply aware to make every moment count.
Happy Mother's Day!
Azmi,
I lost my month in 1990. My son (my firstborn)was born in Feb 1990 and Mak died four months later. She sempat jaga my son.
She died of complications due to long-term diabetes. Actually, her heart finally failed her.
Her life was extended by 10 years, thanks to modern medicine and treatment of diabetes.
Her mother, my grandmother died of infection due to diabetes. She could have been saved, of course, if there was modern medicine.
My nenek died, i think, when she was abt 40 years old.
I pray for Mak, for Allah SWT to place her among the blessed, among those He loves.
Al-Fatihah for your Emak. She must surely have been a wonderful and loving mum. And so loved by her children.
Take care, Azmi.
Dear Azmi,
You are not alone if you count me as one of your friends.
Deep in my heart, I cheer you on.
Many years ago, I took part in a marathon. My knees were wobbly and the temptation to give up was overcome by the applause from the crowd. Needless to say, they who were complete strangers gave me the second wind to finish the race.
Dear Azmi,
Allow me to touch on the Almighty loving and compassionate God.
He may seem silent. But He is there watching over us without sleep.
Believe He hears all our cries and prayers.
We must be affirmative regardless how we feel.
Proff Has..thanks for the tips. I am sure the dishes will be delicious and since they arefull of goodness, it will be so easy to enjoy them. I will certainly cuba!
Raden...cherish them while they are able to enjoy it...sebab we can never do enough for them, no matter how hard we try. You are so lucky since she is just walking distance from your place...alahai, how convenient can that be..seize the chance and opportunity. Any time is a good time for them, tak payah buat appointment...
Hi & Lo...certainly I appreciate your hand of friendship and your words of wisdom. Certainly very inspiring and profound. I salute you in your generosity, of your time and in your wisdom...thank you
Nuraina...thanks for sharing. Al Fatihah to the loved ones you have lost, your beloved Mak, sisters and Grannies. My late Mum has been an IJN patient since early 90's and so is my dad. Thanks to her faith and discipline, lived beyond what was earlier predicted as she had accompanying osteoporosis and high WBC , a chronic form of blood disorder common in seniors which required her to have monthly blood transfusion. She did not want to trouble her kids but we all rallied to provide the best for her to the extent of our abilities and individual circumstances. It is just that I cannot help feeling sad whenever I think of her being on her own when she breathed her last, with only the maid with her in the house. I still knock myself up once in a while over this and I don't think any of us children will get over it. Because we never discussed it less fingers are pointed. Better to leave it at that, take in the lesson, and move on.Insya Allah.
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