A New Beginning Round 2

(Picture swiped from an e-mail sent by one of my buddies .....the kitty looks like our Goldie, absolutely round, fat and smug! I love her contented look!!! Just like little bully Goldie.)

May 3 ( Day 1 of Round 2 of Chemo)

Here we go again! I did not have a good night's sleep, thanks to some of the neighbourhod cats and dogs howling outside, so I was up at 5 am or so, not exactly wide-eyed and bushy tailed. I braced myself mentally that everything's going to be fine. I was really early for my solat (usually performed in the last 15 minutes or so), so I spent some time seeking for strength and courage to go to battle again, and with His blessing, for it to be smooth and that I will win it.

I decided to wear a denim long skirt and jacket ( it is cold in the Chemo ward-it is possible more appropriate to call it a Chemo lounge as we sit on reclining air-line seats) over a tee. A skirt is easy to manage going to the loo while you have all the wiry and tubal contraptions attached to your right wrist. Then a cotton Bandanna to complete the look. I don't have a cotton serkup, just a few mixed synthetics that makes my scalp perspire and that's no good. Putting a cotton or silk scarf without a serkup is not a bright idea, the thing keeps shifting around. I gave up and used a cotton kerchief/bandanna and that seemed to work. Until I get myself a cotton serkup and master the art of donning a scarf. Syam, my sis-in-law got me a nice cotton scarf that I could just slip on and it will stay on, she says. I am saving that for special occasions when a bandanna will not cut it. It is too pretty to wear to battle!

By 8.30, I had my breakfast and multi-vits and got myself a cab. I went in to get my pre-chemo FBC done. Quite a crowd today as May 2 was a public holiday. All these people were going to have their WMDs pumped into them as well. I don't know whether I should feel comforted or concerned about how many people are actually like me, walking around loaded with chemicals in their bodies. And how many people out there are walking around sans chemicals of any kind, the way God intended. Is the pursuit of long life/immortality by injecting oneself with chemicals part of Ibadah to insure oneself of a "healthy" long life....so that one can do good, serve mankind or continue to wreak havoc?

My mind stopped wondering when the Nurse pricked a vein to draw some blood to analyse. She told me she will be able to get the results out within an hour and I could wait at the Oncology reception area. When my turn came, the pre-chemo discussion with DDIW (my Oncologist) was helpful. I mentioned to him of my "suffering" over the nausea and vomitting and is there something that can reduce my plight. He recommended a new medication "Emend" which is stronger which I have to take one hour before my chemo injections. He says that should help with Nausea, although I would still need to take Dexamethasone. All for the first 3 days. Gemuk-lah gua!

The informal grapevine of chemo survivors say that Dexa is a corti-steroid that will positively make your appetite grow...and I think I believe that because by the 4th or 5th day in Round 1 I was having incredible food cravings! I asked DDIW what is the purpose of Dexa and he said it will make the anti-nausea medication more effective. That's all I need. He did caution though that compared to the last drug, Emend may make me extra tired, so I will need to rest well and increase my salt intake as the drug depletes salt in the body. I can immediately see the connection on how it would work -if you are tired, you sit still and rest ,and not move around too much to trigger that sea-sickness feeling.

I was in the Chemo lounge by 10 am. They let me have an oral prescription of Emend ( a huge oval tablet, the first dose is a bigger dosage compared to the next 2 ) and I had to sit quietly for an hour before they could start on the chemo proper. While waiting, I chatted with F, a lady with a stage 2 prognosis on an AC/T regime. She had completed her 4 cycles of AC, did 20 doses of radiation, and now about to start on Taxol (12 weekly cycles, brave lady!). We traded history and side-effects and it was a very educational chat. She has aunts who were also BC survivors so she had constant re-assurances from very close quarters. We found out her blood count has been rather low and she had had to do 5(!!!) shots of boosters over 5 days,between cycles and like me, she wasn't too keen to jab herself!

I shared with her the tips imparted to me by kindly survivors, about taking dark green vegetables (loads!), and that Kacang Botol (4-angled beans), and if we can find it, Midin and Maitake mushroom (not shiitake) which can help with white blood cell count. I hunted high and low for Maitake and coudn't find it, not even on the stand-alone Mushroom rack in Village Grocer at BV1. But I have information on how I can order it online.

Syukur Alhamdulliah , my FBC test results was good. The haemoglobin can still be worked on, not low, but can be better, but it is great to note that my WBC count is now 6.2 what-ever-it is, much higher than the 2.4 reported just 12 days ago during the interim test. The boosters must have helped, as well as the huge helpings of Kacang botol (which must be cooked, not raw, surprisingly)and avoidance of crowded places to minimise risks of infections. Kakak can now whip up stir-fried Kacang botol with garlic with her eyes closed, she had to do it every other day at least!

Onco Nurses Raihiza, Hazlin and Siti Marhani possess that quiet, calm , comforting demeanour that makes me feel really silly if I panicked. But I would still panic and risk appearing silly just so I get an overdose of re-assurances! I remind me of my late mother, who even in her 80's, would elicit the full explanation of what each medication is for and why she would need to take it. The Onco Nurse was ready to explain to me again, the full procedure when we were just about to begin Round 2, an hour after the Emend dose.

As in cycle 1, I was given a shot of a pre-chemo medication, 2 shots via the temporary port (there is a medical term for this, but I didn't take it down so have completely forgotten by now)that they had installed on a good vein on the back of my palm. One of them made me tingle all over, as it did the last time, just for a few seconds. Then the chemo proper took place. Nurse Raihiza slowly administered the drugs one by one. She told me it is the same drugs although I thought we now have more syringes of Epirubicin (the red colored drug). Maybe it was my imagination that we only had 2 before but 3 now. The drug caused my urine to appear mildly tinted like diluted Ribena.

When my friend RJ came for me, I was done with chemo and need to sit and rest for 30 mins or so before going to settle the bill. F is still sitting through her infusion and it will take her some time before the full bag is drained into her system. We managed to compare how much hair we lost. For someone who has completed 4 cycles of AC, she has slightly more hair than I ! And I had just done 1 cycle. This prepared me for that inevitable Kojak look by the time I come back to do the 3rd! She did experience mouth sores (not yet for me, hope never will as it will affect eating) and showed me her discoloured nails - deep blue streaks on all the nails, no pain. I would be expecting that pretty soon, I guess, althugh some of the books I read indicated that some people do not get this particular side -effect, which again like the hair loss, is temporary. Well, if blue is not a favourite colour, there is always henna, you name your colour-orange, red and burgundy-and slap them on the nails to coat it nicely and cover up the blue streaks.

RJ and I went to get our fix of Tom Yam (mine not spicy but with lots of vegetables and fishballs) at the Thai fest at SHC, Sri Hartamas. She is a real task master, RJ, because it was straight home even though I still have energy for "light browsing" before going home. It was nice of her to keep me company until Kakak came back and joined me for dinner. We read (I saw that she was reading Dina Zaman's I Am Muslim and was chuckling every now and then and commented how successful Dina is in tackling most of the topics in the book) until Kakak returned. The WMDs was beginning to invade my system and a (still) pleasant lethargy crept over me so I too sat quietly to read (Life After Cancer) as sleep eluded me. At 5 pm (like the first time) the nausea crept in,and knowing what I know now, I lay like Cleopatra on the sofa. Burping like an old lady every few seconds. No hiccups yet which was indicated as a contra-indication of Emend.

Dinner was a struggle. The broccoli and chicken soup which I normally enjoy, was like...yucky...not Kakak's cooking, just my appetite affected by the drug.

I bought a pack of Thai Laksa for Kakak which everyone says is soooo gooood, I thought I could pinch a mouthful to verify for myself, but even that I could not manage. I had probably managed 2 tablespoons of rice, some soup, and 5 brocolli florettes and some dark leavy green vegetable ( I think it was Wong Ah Pak? I know it was not Choy Sam as Choy Sam is not bitter), and I can't even look at the steamed senangin (usually a favourite). I decided not to push it, in case I encounter another retching fit and expel my breakfast and lunch and tea of Ensure, Milo and some cream crackers. Also a plate of sliced green apples dipped in salt-that was yummy.

The rest of the evening was on the sofa listening to Sean Ghazi, Buddha Bar (Chill Out in Paris), and Ella F after magrib. I didn't go to my room until much later as the thought of climbing the stairs was too much. By the time I was in bed it was close to midnight. It was a good feeling to have been able to retain my intake for the day and did not throw up like I did the last time! Was it the Emend ( although I had the same nauseous feelings as before), or was it that I did not gallivant, sat quite still on the sofa and tried not to force myself at dinner? I still have 2 days to be on Emend, so I can compare my symptoms and outcomes vs the earlier drug.

I need to make sure I eat and rest well over the next 4-5 days. If eating well means I go for gulai masak lemak or daging/hati goreng kicap so be it. I have testimony from survivors that during chemo, eat what you want, as long as you are able to enjoy your food and retain it so all the goodness is delivered to your body. After chemo, nak pantang, pantang la, start on a clean slate then since no drugs to aid us to whack any bad cells. So through our post-chemo diet, we need to make sure we safeguard the health of our brand new cells and try not to get even one of them damaged, Insya Allah. But for now, during treatment, eat,eat and eat. In moderation of course. But I would still heed the caution prescribed to me by DDIW, no greasy food, no fresh milk or yoghurt, lower soya intake(sigh.....I love taufu far and tempe) and not too much spicy food( especially if one is prone to haemorrhoids or pile).

So my lunch plan for tomorrow is Daging goreng kicap, gulai hati and lots of sayur, I hope. All for my blood, I hope. My friend SMM will arrange to bring Lunch over. I will see how I manage, if I am able to hold my food that will be swell, Syukur Alhamdullillah. If not, then there is Ensure. As I am posting this, RTM is airing an interview with Royal Proffs Dr Ungku Aziz on healthy eating. If there is anyone you could look up to as a role model on a healthy lifestyle, it has to be him,looking so fit and going strong in his 80's. Very informative discussion, once a week meat is okay. That confirmed it for me what should be in my lunch plate tomorrow.....

Note to self: Will need to check why I am still expelling red tinted urine on the second day. The last time it was just on the first day. This seems to support my impression that the dosage of Epirubicin may be higher this time? On account of a slight hike in weight? Only the doctor will be able to tell me...