June 28 (Day 15 of Cycle 4)
I had to get up real early today to be at Wangsa Maju by 8 am. However, my plan was foiled because we had to re-do my breakfast. I usually prefer to prepare my own if I am having breakfast at home, that way everything is really freshly prepared-juice, toasts, perfect soft boiled eggs, fresh fruits. It is only when I feel really unwell and groggy that my helper will prepare them for me. Vik is good but she still needs a lot of training with soft boiled eggs.
To most people soft boiled eggs are simple to prepare. What an illusion. Nigella Lawson, and a few other world class chefs take pains to include how to soft boil an egg in their cookbooks! I somehow managed to grab that skill ( so she says) that I can beat the nearby Kopi Tiam any time. But with Vik-it is either sticky boiled , hard boiled or almost raw. I can take a raw telur ayam kampung any time but a huge town-laid egg is a bit too gooey for me.
So back to this morning, I was late for my 8 am appointment because we had to re-do breakfast. Thank God the person I was going to meet was very understanding. I must look for the egg timer so Vik can use that as a guide. I had a lot of practice preparing 2 soft-boiled eggs every morning for my dad and get complimented almost all the time except when he was in a cranky mood.
When I got back from my appointment, I picked up Vik to bring her to the Medical Center for the doctor to review the results of her medical examination recently. She was given a clean bill of health, so it was a relief. She said I have nothing to worry about, no hepatitis, no chest or lung infection. Her cholestrol needs watching as it is a bit on the hight side for a 26 year old, and she needs to lose 7-8 kgs. She doesn't look fat, just stout but apparently she is 60 kgs and heavier than I am.
I had to gently counsel her on that as she does love to munch and I do have a lot of titbits and snacks around the house which I encourage her to help herself to before they expire their shelf lives. This girl is very jolly and likes to laugh and she kept saying that her weight is due to the birth control shots that her doctor in Java gives her every 3 months. So, I told her, she will not need those shots here for the next 2 years so I expect to see her lose some weight....and she laughs....Maybe when she gets hit by homesickness and missing her kids and husband she will loose some weight?
Anyway, a happy helper is a rajin helper. All my kitchen utensils and pots and pans are polished to shine like new silver! I don't really care if she wants to eat a lot but if it is going to be unhealthy for her then I need to supervise her a bit, just as she is keeping a watching brief on me to make sure I don't touch chillis, sambals and hot curries.
The saga with the bowel movement continues, and I am resorting to magic bullets which provide their own kind of "entertainment" for me in the mornings. Not delicate enough to be elaborated on in a cancer blog. I am pleading to my body now to go easy on me and I hope it is listening. I am looking forward to see my dad and babies this weekend, Insya Allah.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Day 14 - All over town
Jun 27 (Day 14 of Cycle 4)
My nose is running again and my head feels heavy on one side. I did not feel fit enough to go walking this morning and decided not to push my luck and instead stayed in all morning.
I realise that Azean Irdawaty of the Datin Diaries series on local tv is going to have her mastectomy done today. I pray for her and for anyone else undergoing similar surgeries and hope everything from here on will run smoothly for them. I would visit her if she is in KLH but it seems she has checked into the hospital in Putrajaya.
After saving up my energy in the morning, I spent all afternoon going to Rawang with a couple of buddies to check out on a couple of things. It was just as well I wasn't driving as I started sneezing all over again and my nose was running and my eyes teary. I must have used up almost a whole box of Kleenex. It's more like an allergy rather than flu.
I had asked Vik to defrost a pack of minced beef and brown them with garlic and chopped onions while I was gone. When I got back we got a nice ragu sauce going for a simple pasta dinner. I taught her how to make a mixed fruit and vegetable salad using carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, green apples, raisins, cashews and almonds with a storebought honey musteard salad dressing. She is becoming quite good and cooked the spaghetti just nice, al dente. I hope the beefy sauce will help with my blood count.
Tomorrow I will need an early start as I have to be in Wangsa Maju by 8 am on some personal errands. So I will need to retire early. Which is just as well as all the sneezing is really squeezing the wind out of my sails. I hope I will be back in time to get to the Medical Center to review Vik's medical report that will be ready by 12 noon tomorrow. I hope everything is fine and that the reports will reconfirm the medical clearance given by Fomema earlier.
My chemo arm is still sore and the daily massage with Minyak Gamat and Minyak Pala continues....I pray and hope that it will be ready and receptive for the next chemo cycle next week. My nails have not gone all blue, just partially, loking as though I have stained them with blue ink. In fact some of them look as though I have just caught my fingers in a door which have just been banged shut. They look kind of "dirty" looking. I have some henna in a tube that I could apply I suppose to make my nails look more appealing.
What I am so thankful for is that except on a few rare occasions due to gastritis, I have been able to enjoy a good night's sleep on most nights, and that I am aware, is very important for recovery. Insya Allah I hope this will continue. I am quite used to all the discomfort from the various chemo side-effects and so far the ones that really nagged at my sense of wellbeing are the thrombo veins in my chemo arm and my sore bottom. I hope these will improve over time, and not indicative of anything more serious. Nauzubillah.
My nose is running again and my head feels heavy on one side. I did not feel fit enough to go walking this morning and decided not to push my luck and instead stayed in all morning.
I realise that Azean Irdawaty of the Datin Diaries series on local tv is going to have her mastectomy done today. I pray for her and for anyone else undergoing similar surgeries and hope everything from here on will run smoothly for them. I would visit her if she is in KLH but it seems she has checked into the hospital in Putrajaya.
After saving up my energy in the morning, I spent all afternoon going to Rawang with a couple of buddies to check out on a couple of things. It was just as well I wasn't driving as I started sneezing all over again and my nose was running and my eyes teary. I must have used up almost a whole box of Kleenex. It's more like an allergy rather than flu.
I had asked Vik to defrost a pack of minced beef and brown them with garlic and chopped onions while I was gone. When I got back we got a nice ragu sauce going for a simple pasta dinner. I taught her how to make a mixed fruit and vegetable salad using carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, green apples, raisins, cashews and almonds with a storebought honey musteard salad dressing. She is becoming quite good and cooked the spaghetti just nice, al dente. I hope the beefy sauce will help with my blood count.
Tomorrow I will need an early start as I have to be in Wangsa Maju by 8 am on some personal errands. So I will need to retire early. Which is just as well as all the sneezing is really squeezing the wind out of my sails. I hope I will be back in time to get to the Medical Center to review Vik's medical report that will be ready by 12 noon tomorrow. I hope everything is fine and that the reports will reconfirm the medical clearance given by Fomema earlier.
My chemo arm is still sore and the daily massage with Minyak Gamat and Minyak Pala continues....I pray and hope that it will be ready and receptive for the next chemo cycle next week. My nails have not gone all blue, just partially, loking as though I have stained them with blue ink. In fact some of them look as though I have just caught my fingers in a door which have just been banged shut. They look kind of "dirty" looking. I have some henna in a tube that I could apply I suppose to make my nails look more appealing.
What I am so thankful for is that except on a few rare occasions due to gastritis, I have been able to enjoy a good night's sleep on most nights, and that I am aware, is very important for recovery. Insya Allah I hope this will continue. I am quite used to all the discomfort from the various chemo side-effects and so far the ones that really nagged at my sense of wellbeing are the thrombo veins in my chemo arm and my sore bottom. I hope these will improve over time, and not indicative of anything more serious. Nauzubillah.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Day 13 - Documents, Documents, Documents
June 26 (Day 13 of Cycle 4)
Well, today is Day 14 as Day 9 was on June 22 when I had my interim blood count. I took Vik to the Bank nearby (we walked) to open a joint-account so that she can bank in her first pay. The staff at the bank were so helpful, we just sat and read up their brochures while they did everything for us. All they needed was my MyKad and Vik's passport. It was quick and soon she has her own passbook which I told her I would keep for safe custody.
My friend UZUN and her poisoned son joined me for lunch at home. Lunch was kerabu kacang botol, sup tulang with carrots, fried tempe and sambal udang(wooops! I just sampled some for taste, it is more for the guest). My friend's son had food poisoning and was really contorted in pain ( also I think he needed attention from his Mum). He had been to the doctor's who gave him some tablets earlier in the morning and as there was no improvement, I suggested they go again for a second opinion. It was only recently that one of my nephews had severe tummy pains, my sis-in-law thought it was just that and gave him painkillers and a few hours later he was warded for appendicitis and had to undergo surgery.
UZUN happens to also be my Insurance Agent, so we took some time(while her son went to the doctor's again) to sort out my Insurance matters. I have papers all over my living room furniture trying to sort out what have been processed and what were outstanding. Being ill is one thing and having insurance is another. And even with insurance, if one is not organised enough, it will be so easy to lose track of what has been processed and not.
So far I have been very organised and systematic and my filing system for all the receipts and payments are up to date. I also maintain a running total of what I have incurred to date, what has been paid for by Insurance and what was for my own account (the co-payment). I have a bunch of payments unprocessed as I prefer to accumulate up to what the time constraint per policy terms can allow. I realise that one claim submitted has yet to be processed by the company and will require follow up. I felt annoyed that they did not acknowledge receipt of my submission, more than a month ago and will be exactly 2 months by July 7. I hope the package wasn't lost in transition even though it was hand delivered via my agent.
My appetite is back and so is my energy level. My digestive system seems fine but bowel movements still causing early morning woes. I hope this is not indicative of anything more serious. I am no longer constipated but bowel movements are painful and toe-curling. I experienced a throbbing headache on one side of my head and did not take anything for it as I was advised that I take paracetemol only upon doctor's advice and presription and not at my whim and fancy. Maybe it was due to the catching-up reading I had been doing as the prints on the books were really tiny, even with my reading glasses on.
Oh well, at least I am no longer nauseous and the bloaty feeling had truly gone. I continue with gentle massage on my chemo arm as I feel as though I am helping my body prepare for the next chemo cycle.
Kakak came last night and I had asked her about the black stuff that Vik found in my luggage closet at the top of the built in wardrobes in my bedroom. We agreed that it was a puzzle how the stuff ( which looks like black flakes of something, no smell, with a gritty feel) got up there as I had the top shelves cleaned up late last year before all the luggage bags were stored up there. She said "Kalau orang kampung jumpa macam ini boleh risau, dek. Tapi tak tahu lah orang KL....jangan buang dulu, nanti Kakak nak tanya orang".
The plot thickens. I had asked Vik (who discovered it when cleaning the louvres-like wardrobe doors) to collect the black dust and put it in a plastic container. I have absolutely no clue what it is and howit got up there. If I allow my imagination to really run wild, I could imagine that it might be dried cat poo? But my cats will not poo on any surface as they are used to using the litter tray. Even if I had been late with the litter tray they might, if desperate, choose to let go on my fluffy bathroom mat, never on a floor.
Besides, if it is cat poo, how on earth would either Ashley, Putri or Troy jumped 10 feet high, keep themselves suspended in mid-air to open the closet door (even I have to expend a lot of energy to pull the door open towards me and use a ladder) and then poo, jump out and push the door close? Troy can't even jump up onto the piano with one attempt what more a top closet 10 ft high? With my sharper than sharp sense of smell, I would have detected it ages ago if it had been possible that it was them. But my 6th sense tells me it is not cat poo as cat poo will not turn black, and how the h...would it get up there anyway? My cats are very special ( they really can understand me) but they don't have wings to fly!
It doesn't bother me as much as it is now bothering Kakak. But I certainly am quite curious to get to the bottom of this.
Well, today is Day 14 as Day 9 was on June 22 when I had my interim blood count. I took Vik to the Bank nearby (we walked) to open a joint-account so that she can bank in her first pay. The staff at the bank were so helpful, we just sat and read up their brochures while they did everything for us. All they needed was my MyKad and Vik's passport. It was quick and soon she has her own passbook which I told her I would keep for safe custody.
My friend UZUN and her poisoned son joined me for lunch at home. Lunch was kerabu kacang botol, sup tulang with carrots, fried tempe and sambal udang(wooops! I just sampled some for taste, it is more for the guest). My friend's son had food poisoning and was really contorted in pain ( also I think he needed attention from his Mum). He had been to the doctor's who gave him some tablets earlier in the morning and as there was no improvement, I suggested they go again for a second opinion. It was only recently that one of my nephews had severe tummy pains, my sis-in-law thought it was just that and gave him painkillers and a few hours later he was warded for appendicitis and had to undergo surgery.
UZUN happens to also be my Insurance Agent, so we took some time(while her son went to the doctor's again) to sort out my Insurance matters. I have papers all over my living room furniture trying to sort out what have been processed and what were outstanding. Being ill is one thing and having insurance is another. And even with insurance, if one is not organised enough, it will be so easy to lose track of what has been processed and not.
So far I have been very organised and systematic and my filing system for all the receipts and payments are up to date. I also maintain a running total of what I have incurred to date, what has been paid for by Insurance and what was for my own account (the co-payment). I have a bunch of payments unprocessed as I prefer to accumulate up to what the time constraint per policy terms can allow. I realise that one claim submitted has yet to be processed by the company and will require follow up. I felt annoyed that they did not acknowledge receipt of my submission, more than a month ago and will be exactly 2 months by July 7. I hope the package wasn't lost in transition even though it was hand delivered via my agent.
My appetite is back and so is my energy level. My digestive system seems fine but bowel movements still causing early morning woes. I hope this is not indicative of anything more serious. I am no longer constipated but bowel movements are painful and toe-curling. I experienced a throbbing headache on one side of my head and did not take anything for it as I was advised that I take paracetemol only upon doctor's advice and presription and not at my whim and fancy. Maybe it was due to the catching-up reading I had been doing as the prints on the books were really tiny, even with my reading glasses on.
Oh well, at least I am no longer nauseous and the bloaty feeling had truly gone. I continue with gentle massage on my chemo arm as I feel as though I am helping my body prepare for the next chemo cycle.
Kakak came last night and I had asked her about the black stuff that Vik found in my luggage closet at the top of the built in wardrobes in my bedroom. We agreed that it was a puzzle how the stuff ( which looks like black flakes of something, no smell, with a gritty feel) got up there as I had the top shelves cleaned up late last year before all the luggage bags were stored up there. She said "Kalau orang kampung jumpa macam ini boleh risau, dek. Tapi tak tahu lah orang KL....jangan buang dulu, nanti Kakak nak tanya orang".
The plot thickens. I had asked Vik (who discovered it when cleaning the louvres-like wardrobe doors) to collect the black dust and put it in a plastic container. I have absolutely no clue what it is and howit got up there. If I allow my imagination to really run wild, I could imagine that it might be dried cat poo? But my cats will not poo on any surface as they are used to using the litter tray. Even if I had been late with the litter tray they might, if desperate, choose to let go on my fluffy bathroom mat, never on a floor.
Besides, if it is cat poo, how on earth would either Ashley, Putri or Troy jumped 10 feet high, keep themselves suspended in mid-air to open the closet door (even I have to expend a lot of energy to pull the door open towards me and use a ladder) and then poo, jump out and push the door close? Troy can't even jump up onto the piano with one attempt what more a top closet 10 ft high? With my sharper than sharp sense of smell, I would have detected it ages ago if it had been possible that it was them. But my 6th sense tells me it is not cat poo as cat poo will not turn black, and how the h...would it get up there anyway? My cats are very special ( they really can understand me) but they don't have wings to fly!
It doesn't bother me as much as it is now bothering Kakak. But I certainly am quite curious to get to the bottom of this.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Day 12 - back on the move...
June 25 (Day 12 of Cycle 4)
I am back on my feet again. This morning I did double rounds of the established walking circuit around my area and was puffing away like a dragon (?) by the time I reached my front gate. But I felt good. Soon, I should be able to build up my stamina again and join that joyful group on their Bukit Kiara rounds. I used to be able to do a few rounds of that just not too long ago but coping with chemo somewhat affected my physical and on certain days even my mental strength.
As I am not being supported by boosters to recharge my system and blood for the next chemo on July 5, I have to make doubly sure that I get enough physical exercise, follow a proper diet that will support that mission and enjoy a proper rest and try to avoid negative stress or any triggers to negative stress. Living in KL, a city with bloodcurdling traffic jams and cafes and restaurants with every possible eats under the sun, it requires a lot of restraint. So I make it a point that even if I am out on the move, I will try to eat least one proper meal at home and while on the move, to eat only cooked dishes with adequate vegetables and proteins. And continue with plenty of fresh fruits and nutty nibbles. I am quite excited and hopeful to see a good outcome sans booster. Insya Allah.
A typical good and proper diet for me this time would be something like this:
Upon waking up, a glass of pure water (Zam Zam if in supply ), and a spoonful of Manuka honey - before washing my mouth. After solat, a brisk morning walk around the entire housing area, and back to a freshly prepared breakfast of 2 soft boiled eggs with 1 or 2 pieces of wholemeal toasts. Fresh fruit of choice would follow with a mug of Horlicks. Centrum multivite and fish oil tablet would follow.
Lunch would be usually a scoop of rice with a meat (beef, liver, fish or chicken) dish and a vegetable dish(bayam, kacang botol, pucuk paku(midin), brocolli, carrot, sawi, choy sum, water cress, pumpkin, cauliflower, peria). Followed by fresh fruit of choice and I would drink home-made beef stock from beef bones stewed with chinese red dates.
Tea - time of weakness actually. I could pick up some kuehs from wherever I was coming from and this could range from bubur kacang to currypuffs. My guilt would be washed over with green tea and more fresh fruits and nuts.
Dinner would be similar to lunch in terms of the food types but we will make an effort to freshly prepare dinner dishes instead of cooking extra helpings at lunch time. I might as well test out my new helper's culinary skills and have freshly prepared food and not reheated lunch left overs.
Do I crave for sambals, curries and laksa? YEEESSS! But common sense prevails and it is just for another month or so that I need to restraint my taste buds. They have really gone haywire and melons which are sweet to others are sour or bitter to me.
I am also taking advantage of these good moments pre-next chemo to catch up on the things that I would be doing otherwise. I had enrolled and signed up on a couple of personal projects to enhance my skills and knowlege in activities that are near and dear to my heart. All shelved but I must try to catch up slowly so that by the time chemo is history, Insya Allah, I can slip back into a productive routine. Human nature is such that we get used to things so easily that sometimes getting out of a set pattern is rather difficult.
The bloaty feeling has somewhat lessened but the thrombo arm is still bugging me. I am now wondering if the lab will be able to draw blood painlessly on July 3, ( to determine if booster is required for July 5 chemo) and again on July 5 (which is the routine blood test done on the same morning as the chemo). It is a lovely coincidence that 5th chemo is on July 5. And again very coincidental that if I were somehow to get admitted on July 5 in case the 5th cycle is difficult, then I will be spending my birthday the next morning, waking up to breakfast in hospital...!?!
I spent most of the day going around town to keep up on promises made and to check out on a couple of things at my own leisure. I am so thankful yet again that those down moments last week had bit vanished and I am feeling so much better. My sister and niece will be spending their summer vacation in KL while nephew and Dad will be doing some man stuff in Europe. I am thinking that by the time I am done with my last chemo on July 27, I might want to go somewhere nice with them and Ijan my brother just to chill out and recharge before facing 25 daily doses of radiation. We are looking at places in Asia that we could explore and discover.
This coming weekend, Insya Allah , if the plan works out, I will be in Melaka to see my dad and babies. I am giving away my antique Acer desktop (1995 model which used to cost RM7999, okay 8 thousand) to my friend's young son and the condition is his mother will drive me to Melaka to collect it personally!! It is still in good working order though very bulky and imposing, and all they need to do is upgrade the memory in the hardisk. I look forward to show my dad that I have coped so far and he need not worry about me. It will be nice to go to that Ikan Bakar place at Cheng Heights and fish around for freshly hauled fish at Pantai Kundur to bring to KL to stock up my freezer.
My nephew and nieces from Shah Alam will be coming for dinner one of these evenings with their family. When they see me next I would be back to my normal self and not the limp lettuce that was on the phone with them last week telling them that she was to tired and weak to receive visitors.
I am back on my feet again. This morning I did double rounds of the established walking circuit around my area and was puffing away like a dragon (?) by the time I reached my front gate. But I felt good. Soon, I should be able to build up my stamina again and join that joyful group on their Bukit Kiara rounds. I used to be able to do a few rounds of that just not too long ago but coping with chemo somewhat affected my physical and on certain days even my mental strength.
As I am not being supported by boosters to recharge my system and blood for the next chemo on July 5, I have to make doubly sure that I get enough physical exercise, follow a proper diet that will support that mission and enjoy a proper rest and try to avoid negative stress or any triggers to negative stress. Living in KL, a city with bloodcurdling traffic jams and cafes and restaurants with every possible eats under the sun, it requires a lot of restraint. So I make it a point that even if I am out on the move, I will try to eat least one proper meal at home and while on the move, to eat only cooked dishes with adequate vegetables and proteins. And continue with plenty of fresh fruits and nutty nibbles. I am quite excited and hopeful to see a good outcome sans booster. Insya Allah.
A typical good and proper diet for me this time would be something like this:
Upon waking up, a glass of pure water (Zam Zam if in supply ), and a spoonful of Manuka honey - before washing my mouth. After solat, a brisk morning walk around the entire housing area, and back to a freshly prepared breakfast of 2 soft boiled eggs with 1 or 2 pieces of wholemeal toasts. Fresh fruit of choice would follow with a mug of Horlicks. Centrum multivite and fish oil tablet would follow.
Lunch would be usually a scoop of rice with a meat (beef, liver, fish or chicken) dish and a vegetable dish(bayam, kacang botol, pucuk paku(midin), brocolli, carrot, sawi, choy sum, water cress, pumpkin, cauliflower, peria). Followed by fresh fruit of choice and I would drink home-made beef stock from beef bones stewed with chinese red dates.
Tea - time of weakness actually. I could pick up some kuehs from wherever I was coming from and this could range from bubur kacang to currypuffs. My guilt would be washed over with green tea and more fresh fruits and nuts.
Dinner would be similar to lunch in terms of the food types but we will make an effort to freshly prepare dinner dishes instead of cooking extra helpings at lunch time. I might as well test out my new helper's culinary skills and have freshly prepared food and not reheated lunch left overs.
Do I crave for sambals, curries and laksa? YEEESSS! But common sense prevails and it is just for another month or so that I need to restraint my taste buds. They have really gone haywire and melons which are sweet to others are sour or bitter to me.
I am also taking advantage of these good moments pre-next chemo to catch up on the things that I would be doing otherwise. I had enrolled and signed up on a couple of personal projects to enhance my skills and knowlege in activities that are near and dear to my heart. All shelved but I must try to catch up slowly so that by the time chemo is history, Insya Allah, I can slip back into a productive routine. Human nature is such that we get used to things so easily that sometimes getting out of a set pattern is rather difficult.
The bloaty feeling has somewhat lessened but the thrombo arm is still bugging me. I am now wondering if the lab will be able to draw blood painlessly on July 3, ( to determine if booster is required for July 5 chemo) and again on July 5 (which is the routine blood test done on the same morning as the chemo). It is a lovely coincidence that 5th chemo is on July 5. And again very coincidental that if I were somehow to get admitted on July 5 in case the 5th cycle is difficult, then I will be spending my birthday the next morning, waking up to breakfast in hospital...!?!
I spent most of the day going around town to keep up on promises made and to check out on a couple of things at my own leisure. I am so thankful yet again that those down moments last week had bit vanished and I am feeling so much better. My sister and niece will be spending their summer vacation in KL while nephew and Dad will be doing some man stuff in Europe. I am thinking that by the time I am done with my last chemo on July 27, I might want to go somewhere nice with them and Ijan my brother just to chill out and recharge before facing 25 daily doses of radiation. We are looking at places in Asia that we could explore and discover.
This coming weekend, Insya Allah , if the plan works out, I will be in Melaka to see my dad and babies. I am giving away my antique Acer desktop (1995 model which used to cost RM7999, okay 8 thousand) to my friend's young son and the condition is his mother will drive me to Melaka to collect it personally!! It is still in good working order though very bulky and imposing, and all they need to do is upgrade the memory in the hardisk. I look forward to show my dad that I have coped so far and he need not worry about me. It will be nice to go to that Ikan Bakar place at Cheng Heights and fish around for freshly hauled fish at Pantai Kundur to bring to KL to stock up my freezer.
My nephew and nieces from Shah Alam will be coming for dinner one of these evenings with their family. When they see me next I would be back to my normal self and not the limp lettuce that was on the phone with them last week telling them that she was to tired and weak to receive visitors.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Day 11 - House-bound activities
June 24 (day 11 of Cycle 4)
1.Panforte De Sienna - Exp 12/2000 (Bought in Sienna Italy in Aug 2000)
2.Turkish Delight Lokum with Double Pistachio -Exp 2000 (Bought in Istanbul 1999)
3.Tapenade of Green Olives, Lemon, Garlic - Exp June 2000 ( Bought en-route Italy/France/England 2000)
4.Abba Laxpastej Salmon spread -Exp Jan 2007 (Bought Ikea KL s'time in 2006)
5.Harissa Le Phare Du Cap Bon- Exp Nov 1999 (Bought at a Moroccon Restaurant in Paris while consumed with ambition to try out at home the exotic lamb cous-cous Morocco is famous for)
6.Several vacuum packed metal containers of Emborg cheeses-Brie/Camembert/Rocquefort - Exp ranging from 2003 to early 2007 bought during supermarket trips in various supermarkets in KL)
7.Wasabi - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Tokyo in 1999 when after a few days of hotel and Japanese food, I needed something spicy to lace my snacks in the hotel room)
8.Garlic Paste - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Italy during EuroCamp camping trip with sister's family in 2000).
9.Tomato Paste -Tube - ditto-
10. Lots of bars of chocolates, candies, fudges, all expired in 2000-2006.
11. Lots of herbal and food supplements ( thankfully with more shelf life butI had to stop taking them so as not to clash with my chemo regimen for now)
12.
All the above are still unopened and look brand new and inviting still as they were lodged somewhere deep in the recesses of my refrigerator and my brain. The whole lot filled a nice little basket and could be dressed up into a nice hamper....to be given to someone contemplating suicide or sudden death?
I came back from my morning walk with the Sunday papers and found Vik my helper laughing helplessly. I had told her to empty the fridge of all its contents so that I could go through and sort out what needs to go as the fridge was beginning to be cluttered. My instruction was anything raw (fruits or vegetables ) that do not look fresh, just chuck them in the bin and for packed items, toss out anything that has expiry dates before June 2007.
She found it really amusing that I have so many interesting items in the fridge "tapi semua tarikh mati, Buk!". The older the item, the funnier it was to her and she would scream " Buk, tanggal 1999 pun ada, Buk....!". Anyway, I now have a bagful of absolutely normal looking souvenier food items from trips abroad that would have been absolutely scrumptious had I the time to enjoy them ( I would have bought more than 1 and given away a few to friends and family upon return from the trips and the ones in the fridge are my own allocation). I will decide it I give them to Alam Flora or have a "Try If You Dare" party at home one of these days.
My friend H came by for breakfast. We had been planning to meet up for a while and when she heard that I was craving for Beef Serunding and Kelantanese Keropok, she came by to bring some. In return, I treated H to a Kopitiam breakfast at P.Damas, 2 eggs perfectly half-boiled and roti kahwin with a cup of steaming Hainan coffee.
I spent the afternoon catching up on my reading and browsing through the Sunday papers. Another old school friend came by to visit and it was another round of catching up on what's been happening and juicing up on the latest gossips and happenings in town. Hubby just bought her a birthday gift and she was testing it out on her own...a tow toned red/black Mini Clubman that looked really neat as she is rather petite. She had lost her sis-in-law to BC and shared her story on that. It was quite sad as that was about 6 months after she had a baby and even though the doctor estimated that she had 2 years before succumbing to the disease, it had metastasized and she did not respond well to her treatment.
Vik, my helper prepared some tempe-based snacks which was quite delicious and the snacks kept us fueled for rather interesting debates and discussions too sensitive to be captured in a cancer-related Blog. Except for prayer breaks, we really yakked our lives away as though there is no tomorrow, and
Vik kept topping up the table with different snacks as though to keep us going. It was after Maghrib when we dispersed and I decided that I should not go to the weekly Pasar Malam in Bangsar. The fridge inventory this morning indicated that I have enough stock to last for at least another week of cooking. Besides, I really should avoid going out too much when my body is without boosters at its lowest wbc period.
I stayed in to plan for the week and hope to go to the NCSM building tomorrow to catch up with Adeline Joseph and meet up with whoever might be in the support center tomorrow. I also want to find out if anyone has any plans to provide some support to actress Azean Irdawaty, who had recently been diagnosed as a Stage 3 BC and due for mastectomy at KLH this coming Wednesday. It doesn't sound like she has insurance and her mention in the Sunday papers that as an actress she has not been provided with Socso and EPF options, so I hope the financial situation will not cause her additional stress. I can imagine her anxiety and how worried her children must be. As a fellow BC patient, I pray for her that the operation will be smooth and that her recovery speedy so she can proceed with her chemo. If by any chance I meet her and find out that she is not using a chemo port, I will certainly share with her my personal experience of Thrombophlebitis.
1.Panforte De Sienna - Exp 12/2000 (Bought in Sienna Italy in Aug 2000)
2.Turkish Delight Lokum with Double Pistachio -Exp 2000 (Bought in Istanbul 1999)
3.Tapenade of Green Olives, Lemon, Garlic - Exp June 2000 ( Bought en-route Italy/France/England 2000)
4.Abba Laxpastej Salmon spread -Exp Jan 2007 (Bought Ikea KL s'time in 2006)
5.Harissa Le Phare Du Cap Bon- Exp Nov 1999 (Bought at a Moroccon Restaurant in Paris while consumed with ambition to try out at home the exotic lamb cous-cous Morocco is famous for)
6.Several vacuum packed metal containers of Emborg cheeses-Brie/Camembert/Rocquefort - Exp ranging from 2003 to early 2007 bought during supermarket trips in various supermarkets in KL)
7.Wasabi - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Tokyo in 1999 when after a few days of hotel and Japanese food, I needed something spicy to lace my snacks in the hotel room)
8.Garlic Paste - Tube - Exp 2001 ( bought in Italy during EuroCamp camping trip with sister's family in 2000).
9.Tomato Paste -Tube - ditto-
10. Lots of bars of chocolates, candies, fudges, all expired in 2000-2006.
11. Lots of herbal and food supplements ( thankfully with more shelf life butI had to stop taking them so as not to clash with my chemo regimen for now)
12.
All the above are still unopened and look brand new and inviting still as they were lodged somewhere deep in the recesses of my refrigerator and my brain. The whole lot filled a nice little basket and could be dressed up into a nice hamper....to be given to someone contemplating suicide or sudden death?
I came back from my morning walk with the Sunday papers and found Vik my helper laughing helplessly. I had told her to empty the fridge of all its contents so that I could go through and sort out what needs to go as the fridge was beginning to be cluttered. My instruction was anything raw (fruits or vegetables ) that do not look fresh, just chuck them in the bin and for packed items, toss out anything that has expiry dates before June 2007.
She found it really amusing that I have so many interesting items in the fridge "tapi semua tarikh mati, Buk!". The older the item, the funnier it was to her and she would scream " Buk, tanggal 1999 pun ada, Buk....!". Anyway, I now have a bagful of absolutely normal looking souvenier food items from trips abroad that would have been absolutely scrumptious had I the time to enjoy them ( I would have bought more than 1 and given away a few to friends and family upon return from the trips and the ones in the fridge are my own allocation). I will decide it I give them to Alam Flora or have a "Try If You Dare" party at home one of these days.
My friend H came by for breakfast. We had been planning to meet up for a while and when she heard that I was craving for Beef Serunding and Kelantanese Keropok, she came by to bring some. In return, I treated H to a Kopitiam breakfast at P.Damas, 2 eggs perfectly half-boiled and roti kahwin with a cup of steaming Hainan coffee.
I spent the afternoon catching up on my reading and browsing through the Sunday papers. Another old school friend came by to visit and it was another round of catching up on what's been happening and juicing up on the latest gossips and happenings in town. Hubby just bought her a birthday gift and she was testing it out on her own...a tow toned red/black Mini Clubman that looked really neat as she is rather petite. She had lost her sis-in-law to BC and shared her story on that. It was quite sad as that was about 6 months after she had a baby and even though the doctor estimated that she had 2 years before succumbing to the disease, it had metastasized and she did not respond well to her treatment.
Vik, my helper prepared some tempe-based snacks which was quite delicious and the snacks kept us fueled for rather interesting debates and discussions too sensitive to be captured in a cancer-related Blog. Except for prayer breaks, we really yakked our lives away as though there is no tomorrow, and
Vik kept topping up the table with different snacks as though to keep us going. It was after Maghrib when we dispersed and I decided that I should not go to the weekly Pasar Malam in Bangsar. The fridge inventory this morning indicated that I have enough stock to last for at least another week of cooking. Besides, I really should avoid going out too much when my body is without boosters at its lowest wbc period.
I stayed in to plan for the week and hope to go to the NCSM building tomorrow to catch up with Adeline Joseph and meet up with whoever might be in the support center tomorrow. I also want to find out if anyone has any plans to provide some support to actress Azean Irdawaty, who had recently been diagnosed as a Stage 3 BC and due for mastectomy at KLH this coming Wednesday. It doesn't sound like she has insurance and her mention in the Sunday papers that as an actress she has not been provided with Socso and EPF options, so I hope the financial situation will not cause her additional stress. I can imagine her anxiety and how worried her children must be. As a fellow BC patient, I pray for her that the operation will be smooth and that her recovery speedy so she can proceed with her chemo. If by any chance I meet her and find out that she is not using a chemo port, I will certainly share with her my personal experience of Thrombophlebitis.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Day 10 - Lots of Catching up to do
June 23 (Day 10 of Cycle 4)
It is day 10 when my wbc is supposed to be at it's lowest, at the bottom of a "V" graph if I were to plot one. The mission between now and July 3 is to see if my body will start to recover and build up on its own the wbc which have been hammered by the 4th cycle chemo drugs. I felt quite excited to see the outcome of this "experiment" and at the same time will give my body all the help it needs via a proper diet (blood enhancing one) and plenty of rest and avoiding crowds and sick people ( ie people who are sick who can infect m, and people who can make me sick and stress me and depress my immunity further).
In other words, stay at home. However, with my low moods lifted and I am close to feeling "normal" it is difficult to stay home. Luckily a friend who just returned from a biztrip in Bali called me up for breakfast and we ended up at Marmalade in Mt K. where there were more people there. It was nice to catch up that I forgot all about the MPH monthly breakfast club meet at BV 2 which would have been a good way to pass the time, until a friend sms-ed me to check if I was going. My breakfast ended in time for lunch and it was too late to go to BV2.
Some friends visited in the afternoon and Vik prepared her specialty-Meehoon goreng. We certainly yakked away and I was also trying to catch up on my reading ( imagine I didn't read any book pages since the chemo on June 14!). No wonder my mind felt clogged up like a stuck drain, and the chemo didn't help of course. I was trying to finish up a very depressing but inspirational book about life in a Nazi concentration camp and how, despite all adversities and death staring them in the face every second of the day , these people survived through the physical and mental anguish and torture. During the last 10 days the book spoilt my moods instead of improving it or inspiring me so I flung it under the bed because I did not want to see it. With my recharged mood, I fished it out again and completed it. It was funny how Vik placed the book on my bed whn she found it when doing my room and I kept flinging it under the bed, and she kept putting it back on my bed. This went on for days....
My bloated tummy feeling persisted and eating was still a problem. When my friends ( a trio of sisters, Mums on their evening out solo without their families who have their own programs) sms-ed to say they were going banana leaf for dinner after maghrib and if I wanted to join them, I jumped at the idea. My 3 guests and I trooped over to Nirvana Maju in Bangsar and we had a lovely banana leaf dinner washed down with ginger serbat.
It was close to 11 when we got back. Golden girls on ther night out and no one would have guessed that one of them is a real fuss-pot chemo patient trying to get some decent food in her tummy without burping in public. We seemed to bump into everyone that night. My friend's son must be so, so bored being the only male in the group and surely must have wished that he was at home watching Astro or surfing the net...But if he had been really listening to what was being discussed at the table that night, he would realise that even the internet and www would not have been able to supply as much information as provided by the conversation that night. I almost fainted when one of the ladies asked me if I want to go for supper before they send me home!
It is day 10 when my wbc is supposed to be at it's lowest, at the bottom of a "V" graph if I were to plot one. The mission between now and July 3 is to see if my body will start to recover and build up on its own the wbc which have been hammered by the 4th cycle chemo drugs. I felt quite excited to see the outcome of this "experiment" and at the same time will give my body all the help it needs via a proper diet (blood enhancing one) and plenty of rest and avoiding crowds and sick people ( ie people who are sick who can infect m, and people who can make me sick and stress me and depress my immunity further).
In other words, stay at home. However, with my low moods lifted and I am close to feeling "normal" it is difficult to stay home. Luckily a friend who just returned from a biztrip in Bali called me up for breakfast and we ended up at Marmalade in Mt K. where there were more people there. It was nice to catch up that I forgot all about the MPH monthly breakfast club meet at BV 2 which would have been a good way to pass the time, until a friend sms-ed me to check if I was going. My breakfast ended in time for lunch and it was too late to go to BV2.
Some friends visited in the afternoon and Vik prepared her specialty-Meehoon goreng. We certainly yakked away and I was also trying to catch up on my reading ( imagine I didn't read any book pages since the chemo on June 14!). No wonder my mind felt clogged up like a stuck drain, and the chemo didn't help of course. I was trying to finish up a very depressing but inspirational book about life in a Nazi concentration camp and how, despite all adversities and death staring them in the face every second of the day , these people survived through the physical and mental anguish and torture. During the last 10 days the book spoilt my moods instead of improving it or inspiring me so I flung it under the bed because I did not want to see it. With my recharged mood, I fished it out again and completed it. It was funny how Vik placed the book on my bed whn she found it when doing my room and I kept flinging it under the bed, and she kept putting it back on my bed. This went on for days....
My bloated tummy feeling persisted and eating was still a problem. When my friends ( a trio of sisters, Mums on their evening out solo without their families who have their own programs) sms-ed to say they were going banana leaf for dinner after maghrib and if I wanted to join them, I jumped at the idea. My 3 guests and I trooped over to Nirvana Maju in Bangsar and we had a lovely banana leaf dinner washed down with ginger serbat.
It was close to 11 when we got back. Golden girls on ther night out and no one would have guessed that one of them is a real fuss-pot chemo patient trying to get some decent food in her tummy without burping in public. We seemed to bump into everyone that night. My friend's son must be so, so bored being the only male in the group and surely must have wished that he was at home watching Astro or surfing the net...But if he had been really listening to what was being discussed at the table that night, he would realise that even the internet and www would not have been able to supply as much information as provided by the conversation that night. I almost fainted when one of the ladies asked me if I want to go for supper before they send me home!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Day 9 - A pleasant "surprise"?
June 22 (Day 9 of Cycle 4)
I was at the Medical Center by 8.30 am to get my interim blood count done and to get my new helper to have her medical check up run all over again, at the same medical center. For RM 180 I get them to run a 50 point check on her blood profile, chest xray, ECG,Urine and Physical Examination with a review with a doctor when the results are out in 5 day's time. I just wanted to rule out the contagious and infectious diseases which are not obvious, like TB and Hepatitis. I hope it will be a confirmatory all clear of earlier tests taken. I have heard of a number of horror stories where the maids were supposedly healthy and later found suffering from TB ( which doesn't happen overnight or in a a few months either) and worse, being pregnant!
As for my own tests and reviews that day, things seem to go wrong or right, depending on how I wish to look at it. First of all, we had a problem trying to get my blood sample as my veins were buried within the puffiness of my forearm. When we found one, the nurse was struggling to position the needle in order to suck blood out of me, and when she did , it was slow and painful. It seems the flow was slow. I refuse to let my mind indulge in that thought as already I was fast-forwarding to what it might be like for cycle chemo#5.
Then, I had to wait a l-o-n-g time to see the Onco even though the blood results were out an hour later. That was fine with me as Vik my helper was being tested for all her tests and will take a couple of hours before she is done. It was very kind of the folks at the Pathlab counter to help with the logistics as I was't able to take her around. There was a crowd and my regular Onco was in China and they had to wait for the relieving doctor to come over from another private medical center.
He came in about 11 am and there were a few chemo patients to see him before they proceed with their day's chemo. When it was my turn, it was a pleasant surprise to find that it is one of the doctors that I had earlier consulted for my nth opinion on to chemo-or-not to chemo at a private center. It was nice that he remembered me. I consulted him on my list of issues and concerns and he reviewed my file and case, and did a quick physical of my thrombo arm and looked for any signs of water retention and other puffiness.
It was interesting that in the same quest to ensure patients' wellbeing and optimise medical care, doctors have different approaches and belief systems.
This doctor reviewed my blood test results which read 2.3 for my wbc, and told me that I do not need to have boosters done. I was both pleased and concerned. Pleased because neupogen gave me backaches and I had to lie flat on the floor to ease the pains because movements caused jolting and shooting pains which come and go sporadically and when I least expected them. Concerned because, what happens if the wbc count do not go back to baseline level of 6.4 or at least to more than 3, will my 5th chemo be deferred? The doctor assured me that 2.3 is not critical, and I don't need booster now but I can come again on July 3 which is 2 days before chemo to check if the reading is 3 or less. He wants to test my body's natural response and recovery capabilities without any articifial growth factor's aid. If really necessary, we can get the boosters done on July 3 in time for the body to receive the next wave of chemo.
Hmm, I thought. It made sense and why not? I told the doctor that I wouldn't mind being experimented on if in his medical opinion that it is pefectly safe to do so. He reassured me it is. I am not sure what my regular Onco will say about all this but it will be interesting to hear when I see him on July 3 ( if he is not travelling that is).
I spent the rest of the day at home knowing that without any boosters for days 9 and 10, my wbc will be at their lowest and that is when I would be most vulnerable to infections. My sneezing slowed down somewhat perhaps due to the Scotts Cod Liver Oil. The doctor did not prescribe anything for it and told me to manage my problem with the post-constipation woes with the existing medication from the Pharmacy. If the symptoms persists by the next visit, he suggests I ask for atomic enemas, whatever they are.
All evening I was exchanging sms-es with chemo buddies and comparing notes on current cycles. And ended up as confused before I started!
I was at the Medical Center by 8.30 am to get my interim blood count done and to get my new helper to have her medical check up run all over again, at the same medical center. For RM 180 I get them to run a 50 point check on her blood profile, chest xray, ECG,Urine and Physical Examination with a review with a doctor when the results are out in 5 day's time. I just wanted to rule out the contagious and infectious diseases which are not obvious, like TB and Hepatitis. I hope it will be a confirmatory all clear of earlier tests taken. I have heard of a number of horror stories where the maids were supposedly healthy and later found suffering from TB ( which doesn't happen overnight or in a a few months either) and worse, being pregnant!
As for my own tests and reviews that day, things seem to go wrong or right, depending on how I wish to look at it. First of all, we had a problem trying to get my blood sample as my veins were buried within the puffiness of my forearm. When we found one, the nurse was struggling to position the needle in order to suck blood out of me, and when she did , it was slow and painful. It seems the flow was slow. I refuse to let my mind indulge in that thought as already I was fast-forwarding to what it might be like for cycle chemo#5.
Then, I had to wait a l-o-n-g time to see the Onco even though the blood results were out an hour later. That was fine with me as Vik my helper was being tested for all her tests and will take a couple of hours before she is done. It was very kind of the folks at the Pathlab counter to help with the logistics as I was't able to take her around. There was a crowd and my regular Onco was in China and they had to wait for the relieving doctor to come over from another private medical center.
He came in about 11 am and there were a few chemo patients to see him before they proceed with their day's chemo. When it was my turn, it was a pleasant surprise to find that it is one of the doctors that I had earlier consulted for my nth opinion on to chemo-or-not to chemo at a private center. It was nice that he remembered me. I consulted him on my list of issues and concerns and he reviewed my file and case, and did a quick physical of my thrombo arm and looked for any signs of water retention and other puffiness.
It was interesting that in the same quest to ensure patients' wellbeing and optimise medical care, doctors have different approaches and belief systems.
This doctor reviewed my blood test results which read 2.3 for my wbc, and told me that I do not need to have boosters done. I was both pleased and concerned. Pleased because neupogen gave me backaches and I had to lie flat on the floor to ease the pains because movements caused jolting and shooting pains which come and go sporadically and when I least expected them. Concerned because, what happens if the wbc count do not go back to baseline level of 6.4 or at least to more than 3, will my 5th chemo be deferred? The doctor assured me that 2.3 is not critical, and I don't need booster now but I can come again on July 3 which is 2 days before chemo to check if the reading is 3 or less. He wants to test my body's natural response and recovery capabilities without any articifial growth factor's aid. If really necessary, we can get the boosters done on July 3 in time for the body to receive the next wave of chemo.
Hmm, I thought. It made sense and why not? I told the doctor that I wouldn't mind being experimented on if in his medical opinion that it is pefectly safe to do so. He reassured me it is. I am not sure what my regular Onco will say about all this but it will be interesting to hear when I see him on July 3 ( if he is not travelling that is).
I spent the rest of the day at home knowing that without any boosters for days 9 and 10, my wbc will be at their lowest and that is when I would be most vulnerable to infections. My sneezing slowed down somewhat perhaps due to the Scotts Cod Liver Oil. The doctor did not prescribe anything for it and told me to manage my problem with the post-constipation woes with the existing medication from the Pharmacy. If the symptoms persists by the next visit, he suggests I ask for atomic enemas, whatever they are.
All evening I was exchanging sms-es with chemo buddies and comparing notes on current cycles. And ended up as confused before I started!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Day 8 of Cycle 4 - Manageable
June 21 (Day 8 of Cycle 4)
Aaahtchooo...!
There were several "aaahtchoos" during the night and I woke up with the onset of a flu. It has been ages since I last was affected by flu. The signs now could be indicative of stress or lowered immunity or both. Both are possible given the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing the last week or so and to the impact of the increased dosage of Epirubicin at chemo time.
The full, bloated feeling continues even though similar to the past few days, I did not eat too much. In fact, I couldn't eat much because I feel full very quickly even before I consumed my plateful of lunch or dinner. This morning, I woke up rather early as I felt nausea welling up in me for no apparent reason and had to sit up in bed until it is time to wake up. I was full of gas and although burping did not come naturally, I could easily coax the gas and flatulence out by massaging my back and shoulders. It is weird.
I pushed myself out of bed and decided to snap out of my moody doldrums today. Enough is enough. I was beginning to feel like a stranger, I couldn't recognise me. I told my helper not to prepare breakfast as I wanted to go for a long reflective walk and will have breakfast on the way back.
It was a reflective walk, not by any means a brisk, energetic walk but a very engaging walk. In complete contrast to what I felt yesterday, my foggy chemo mind somewhat cleared and I continued seeking guidance on how to recollect my composure. This is only the 4th cycle, I have 2 more to be tested on and I can't go it alone without God's help and blessings to enable me to manage the challenges. I can't go it alone and no one else can help me in this as a lot of the energy is mental, spiritual and internal.
I sense that the next one is not going to be any easier and setting my mind to a stronger tolerance level of anticipated harder times may be one way to manage, Insya Allah. I keep reminding myself that God will only challenge us according to our capacity and it is our job to prove ourselves to Him.
If there was a camera floowing me during my walk, I suspect it would have captured my endless sneezing and burpings and me looking amused each time it happened. That's because I made heads turn...not because of my bald head ( I put on a baseball cap) but because of my freeform and unabashed sneezings and burpings. I sure hope when I grow my hair back none of these people that crossed my path this morning will remember it was me that they had bumped just months back behaving "strangely"!
I decided to treat myself to a nasi lemak and horlicks at the stalls on Jalan 1, at the popular corner stall. No spicy sambal, just a touch with a small helping of beef rendang. I was reading the papers when a group descended on my table ( I had sat away from the crowd, just in case since I was sneezing away anyway) and one of them politely asked if the seats are taken. The group of about 6 joined me at the table and somehow we got talking about exercise.
The remarkable part of this encounter is that I had actually found myself a group that does yoga every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Bt Kiara Club as the only lady in the group is a Yoga instructor and the rest are her walking buddies who get free lessons from her! Ya Allah, God is really great. Yesterday, I was thinking hard about wanting to start on this to get the benefits from the meditative and breathing aspects, and my prayers were answered in a most coincidental way.
It made me reflect how Allah has designed this, since He is all knowing and all Compassionate. Had I not gone for my walk this morning and instead wallowed in bed feigning tiredness and moodiness, I would not have run into these new friends. They said they meet every morning to walk at Bt Kiara track and then they have breakfast everyday at the very stall that I had chosen to stop for breakfast this morning.
They sound like a cheery bunch and promised to introduce me to one of their buddies next week who happened to have just completed treatment for BC as well except that she did not opt for chemotherapy. It will be interesting to find out how she reached that decision and why and how she is coping so far. At 48 and an early Stage 1, I am quite surprised that her doctor did not recommend chemotherapy. And then again, maybe the doctor did but she opted not to.
I spent the day reflecting on what I need to discuss with my Onco tomorrow after my interim FBC. He had requested for the FBC to be on day 9 instead of the customary day 10 as he expects the increased dosage to really hammer my WBC. I will also bring Vik my helper along as I wanted her to undergo an independent non-fomema medical check-up. She appears hale and hearty but I just wanted to be doubly sure, for both her sake and mine. I had wanted to have it done last week but had forgotten to tell her to fast, and naturally the tests couldn't be completed.
The week flitted by so quickly despite the quirks and before I know it next week will Insya Allah be a high energy week and hopefully I will be able to get involved in some meaningful activities...and drive around more comfortably!
Aaahtchooo...!
There were several "aaahtchoos" during the night and I woke up with the onset of a flu. It has been ages since I last was affected by flu. The signs now could be indicative of stress or lowered immunity or both. Both are possible given the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing the last week or so and to the impact of the increased dosage of Epirubicin at chemo time.
The full, bloated feeling continues even though similar to the past few days, I did not eat too much. In fact, I couldn't eat much because I feel full very quickly even before I consumed my plateful of lunch or dinner. This morning, I woke up rather early as I felt nausea welling up in me for no apparent reason and had to sit up in bed until it is time to wake up. I was full of gas and although burping did not come naturally, I could easily coax the gas and flatulence out by massaging my back and shoulders. It is weird.
I pushed myself out of bed and decided to snap out of my moody doldrums today. Enough is enough. I was beginning to feel like a stranger, I couldn't recognise me. I told my helper not to prepare breakfast as I wanted to go for a long reflective walk and will have breakfast on the way back.
It was a reflective walk, not by any means a brisk, energetic walk but a very engaging walk. In complete contrast to what I felt yesterday, my foggy chemo mind somewhat cleared and I continued seeking guidance on how to recollect my composure. This is only the 4th cycle, I have 2 more to be tested on and I can't go it alone without God's help and blessings to enable me to manage the challenges. I can't go it alone and no one else can help me in this as a lot of the energy is mental, spiritual and internal.
I sense that the next one is not going to be any easier and setting my mind to a stronger tolerance level of anticipated harder times may be one way to manage, Insya Allah. I keep reminding myself that God will only challenge us according to our capacity and it is our job to prove ourselves to Him.
If there was a camera floowing me during my walk, I suspect it would have captured my endless sneezing and burpings and me looking amused each time it happened. That's because I made heads turn...not because of my bald head ( I put on a baseball cap) but because of my freeform and unabashed sneezings and burpings. I sure hope when I grow my hair back none of these people that crossed my path this morning will remember it was me that they had bumped just months back behaving "strangely"!
I decided to treat myself to a nasi lemak and horlicks at the stalls on Jalan 1, at the popular corner stall. No spicy sambal, just a touch with a small helping of beef rendang. I was reading the papers when a group descended on my table ( I had sat away from the crowd, just in case since I was sneezing away anyway) and one of them politely asked if the seats are taken. The group of about 6 joined me at the table and somehow we got talking about exercise.
The remarkable part of this encounter is that I had actually found myself a group that does yoga every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Bt Kiara Club as the only lady in the group is a Yoga instructor and the rest are her walking buddies who get free lessons from her! Ya Allah, God is really great. Yesterday, I was thinking hard about wanting to start on this to get the benefits from the meditative and breathing aspects, and my prayers were answered in a most coincidental way.
It made me reflect how Allah has designed this, since He is all knowing and all Compassionate. Had I not gone for my walk this morning and instead wallowed in bed feigning tiredness and moodiness, I would not have run into these new friends. They said they meet every morning to walk at Bt Kiara track and then they have breakfast everyday at the very stall that I had chosen to stop for breakfast this morning.
They sound like a cheery bunch and promised to introduce me to one of their buddies next week who happened to have just completed treatment for BC as well except that she did not opt for chemotherapy. It will be interesting to find out how she reached that decision and why and how she is coping so far. At 48 and an early Stage 1, I am quite surprised that her doctor did not recommend chemotherapy. And then again, maybe the doctor did but she opted not to.
I spent the day reflecting on what I need to discuss with my Onco tomorrow after my interim FBC. He had requested for the FBC to be on day 9 instead of the customary day 10 as he expects the increased dosage to really hammer my WBC. I will also bring Vik my helper along as I wanted her to undergo an independent non-fomema medical check-up. She appears hale and hearty but I just wanted to be doubly sure, for both her sake and mine. I had wanted to have it done last week but had forgotten to tell her to fast, and naturally the tests couldn't be completed.
The week flitted by so quickly despite the quirks and before I know it next week will Insya Allah be a high energy week and hopefully I will be able to get involved in some meaningful activities...and drive around more comfortably!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Days 6 and 7 of Cycle 4 - adventurous but moody
June 19 (Day 6 of Cycle 4)
I had made an appointment to meet with a Financial Cnsultant to see what he has for me. I usually look forward to such cerebral discussions and keeping up to date with how others are managing their finances, if only to re-assure that I am not too conservative.
However, after my morning walk to get the morning papers, I felt all bloated up and I did not feel better even after my shower. I decided to play it safe and called him up to re-schedule and instead ended up resecheduling it to later in the afternoon at home. So, at least I felt it was a somewhat productive day and not one that just passed me by. Too many days have passed me by with nothing much to account for it, except that I am thankful that such "idle" days would normally be a luxury in the normal scheme of things.
I have used up all the post-chemo medication that the doctor gave me-the Emend, Ducolax and Dexamethasone. With no medication to prompt my system to feel "better", I felt yet again robbed of energy, taste buds and enthusiasm. Again the thought of food made me queasy and I dreaded the moments when Vik my helper came up with the twice daily inevitable question..."Buuk.....nak masak apa, Buuk?"
I had degenerated from someone full of ideas on days 1 through 5 and now, whenever she asked me, I would make a face and point to my tummy and tell her "Awak masak lah apa yang awak nak makan....buatkan saya IndoMie dan rebus sawi banyak-banyak." I would then try to force down a bottle of Brand's essence of chicken or Haruan essence for my proteins.
Aaagh...I know there is a reason for this. Maybe it is to see how my helper can cope without specific instructions. So far, she has been quite creative except that her creativity almost always include some "cabei'k which I couldn't help but touch and then paid for it by having burping fits in the night, which needed to be pacified with half a mug of warm horlicks. No more "cabeik".
I have put on yet another kg at the pre-chemo weighing in session and I couldn't really understand why. I have small helpings at meals, just a scoop of rice and plenty of vegetables and fruits and I no longer indulge in cakes and pastries, so why the weight gain? Granted, I am not up and about as before and spent half the time between chemos being plastered on my sofa either reading or on the phone or doing absolutely nothing sometimes, but I do keep active during periods of high energy.
I was at the Yoga center yesterday making inquiries about targetted therapy ie asking if they could tailor some exercises for me given my stiff and swollen arms. I was told that they actually have a doctor who could advise on this, and I was provided some reading materials to browse before my session. I have not heard from my friend who was going to organise early morning yoga at her place. She had indicated that if we have at least 5 persons, we could arrange for a Yoga teacher to conduct the session in her nice garden. I hope she is okay...she must be as I heard her cookie business is doing well!
June 20 (Day 7 of Cycle 4)
I felt bored to the teeth. My morning walk was uneventful as I found that I wasn't able to think happy and nice thoughts during the walk, no matter how hard I tried. Was it the sight of elderly people being taken for walks on wheelchairs or walkers alongside their maids? It made me think of old age and how lonely that time of life can be and how sad that people have to pay people to care for them even when they have their own kin...I think of my father.
How soon will I get better and feel "normal" again? And when I do, will be be close to my "normal" self or will I change. This trial that God has assigned to me, what will it bring at the end of it all? Should I fry my brains to work out the possibilities and stand to be disappointed if none of them turn out the way I would desire them? Or should I just relax, and go with the flow and be thankful of whatever outcome knowing that whatever it is going to be, it is part of His plan?
At times I feel that I am tempting fate by defining Plans A and B, knowing pretty well and accepting pretty well that we can only plan but the actual realisation of the so-called plans is very much in the hands of the Almighty. So, it is back to living for the day especially during rollercoaster moody days like this. My nephew and nieces from Shah Alam had called to say they wanted to come visit today. But because I am feeling so yucky, I had to be really honest and told them that I am not up for guests today because I don't want them to feel down by being with me. They have not seen me since chemo and I do not like that what they will see is not going to be the "normal" aunty that they know. I am not up to dragging them down to the low moods I am feeling. They sound disappointed when I told them but I sure hope they understand.
Tomorrow, I am seeking an opinion on why my wrist remains swollen since a day after chemo. It is not hurting but I am not able to see my veins as my palm, wrist and forearms appear bloated (water-retention?) and really looks like a huge baby's hand. I hope there is a comforting explanation and that I will not be given more medication. I am just tired of taking in this and that as it seems that there is no end to what my body needs to make it feel settled.
This is again another dilemma for patients managing side-effects of chemotherapy. Side-effects mean the drugs are really hitting hard and therefore "working" but one must be strong to manage the side-effects. If one is not, then fret not, there are more drugs to lessen the side-effects but in turn, these have their own side-effects. So the chain never ends and we end up going around in circles. It makes me wonder if God meant for us to actually grin and bear the side-effects without the secondary drugs in the first place. After all, that is what being "strong" and having faith is all about, and not to "give up" by resorting to various "aids"?
I am actually too tired to reason this out for now....and I just need a good proper rest....which is very different from just being plastered onto the sofa. I really dislike being in this mood....must get out of it soon. I drove out to the nearby Shopping Center to the bookshop and how strange that the books didn't inspire me as usual! Instead I went to the Supermarket downstairs and got some stuff which appeared appetising but which I now look at with qualms, even after my poor helper had turned them into something she considers to be "enak".
Azmi...., get out of this soon, girl! Maybe I feel better after the booster this Friday, Insya Allah.
I had made an appointment to meet with a Financial Cnsultant to see what he has for me. I usually look forward to such cerebral discussions and keeping up to date with how others are managing their finances, if only to re-assure that I am not too conservative.
However, after my morning walk to get the morning papers, I felt all bloated up and I did not feel better even after my shower. I decided to play it safe and called him up to re-schedule and instead ended up resecheduling it to later in the afternoon at home. So, at least I felt it was a somewhat productive day and not one that just passed me by. Too many days have passed me by with nothing much to account for it, except that I am thankful that such "idle" days would normally be a luxury in the normal scheme of things.
I have used up all the post-chemo medication that the doctor gave me-the Emend, Ducolax and Dexamethasone. With no medication to prompt my system to feel "better", I felt yet again robbed of energy, taste buds and enthusiasm. Again the thought of food made me queasy and I dreaded the moments when Vik my helper came up with the twice daily inevitable question..."Buuk.....nak masak apa, Buuk?"
I had degenerated from someone full of ideas on days 1 through 5 and now, whenever she asked me, I would make a face and point to my tummy and tell her "Awak masak lah apa yang awak nak makan....buatkan saya IndoMie dan rebus sawi banyak-banyak." I would then try to force down a bottle of Brand's essence of chicken or Haruan essence for my proteins.
Aaagh...I know there is a reason for this. Maybe it is to see how my helper can cope without specific instructions. So far, she has been quite creative except that her creativity almost always include some "cabei'k which I couldn't help but touch and then paid for it by having burping fits in the night, which needed to be pacified with half a mug of warm horlicks. No more "cabeik".
I have put on yet another kg at the pre-chemo weighing in session and I couldn't really understand why. I have small helpings at meals, just a scoop of rice and plenty of vegetables and fruits and I no longer indulge in cakes and pastries, so why the weight gain? Granted, I am not up and about as before and spent half the time between chemos being plastered on my sofa either reading or on the phone or doing absolutely nothing sometimes, but I do keep active during periods of high energy.
I was at the Yoga center yesterday making inquiries about targetted therapy ie asking if they could tailor some exercises for me given my stiff and swollen arms. I was told that they actually have a doctor who could advise on this, and I was provided some reading materials to browse before my session. I have not heard from my friend who was going to organise early morning yoga at her place. She had indicated that if we have at least 5 persons, we could arrange for a Yoga teacher to conduct the session in her nice garden. I hope she is okay...she must be as I heard her cookie business is doing well!
June 20 (Day 7 of Cycle 4)
I felt bored to the teeth. My morning walk was uneventful as I found that I wasn't able to think happy and nice thoughts during the walk, no matter how hard I tried. Was it the sight of elderly people being taken for walks on wheelchairs or walkers alongside their maids? It made me think of old age and how lonely that time of life can be and how sad that people have to pay people to care for them even when they have their own kin...I think of my father.
How soon will I get better and feel "normal" again? And when I do, will be be close to my "normal" self or will I change. This trial that God has assigned to me, what will it bring at the end of it all? Should I fry my brains to work out the possibilities and stand to be disappointed if none of them turn out the way I would desire them? Or should I just relax, and go with the flow and be thankful of whatever outcome knowing that whatever it is going to be, it is part of His plan?
At times I feel that I am tempting fate by defining Plans A and B, knowing pretty well and accepting pretty well that we can only plan but the actual realisation of the so-called plans is very much in the hands of the Almighty. So, it is back to living for the day especially during rollercoaster moody days like this. My nephew and nieces from Shah Alam had called to say they wanted to come visit today. But because I am feeling so yucky, I had to be really honest and told them that I am not up for guests today because I don't want them to feel down by being with me. They have not seen me since chemo and I do not like that what they will see is not going to be the "normal" aunty that they know. I am not up to dragging them down to the low moods I am feeling. They sound disappointed when I told them but I sure hope they understand.
Tomorrow, I am seeking an opinion on why my wrist remains swollen since a day after chemo. It is not hurting but I am not able to see my veins as my palm, wrist and forearms appear bloated (water-retention?) and really looks like a huge baby's hand. I hope there is a comforting explanation and that I will not be given more medication. I am just tired of taking in this and that as it seems that there is no end to what my body needs to make it feel settled.
This is again another dilemma for patients managing side-effects of chemotherapy. Side-effects mean the drugs are really hitting hard and therefore "working" but one must be strong to manage the side-effects. If one is not, then fret not, there are more drugs to lessen the side-effects but in turn, these have their own side-effects. So the chain never ends and we end up going around in circles. It makes me wonder if God meant for us to actually grin and bear the side-effects without the secondary drugs in the first place. After all, that is what being "strong" and having faith is all about, and not to "give up" by resorting to various "aids"?
I am actually too tired to reason this out for now....and I just need a good proper rest....which is very different from just being plastered onto the sofa. I really dislike being in this mood....must get out of it soon. I drove out to the nearby Shopping Center to the bookshop and how strange that the books didn't inspire me as usual! Instead I went to the Supermarket downstairs and got some stuff which appeared appetising but which I now look at with qualms, even after my poor helper had turned them into something she considers to be "enak".
Azmi...., get out of this soon, girl! Maybe I feel better after the booster this Friday, Insya Allah.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Days 3, 4 and 5 of Cycle 4 - zonked!
June 18 (Day 5 of Cycle 4)
I am feeling rather sloppy for not keeping up with the daily blog entry but I have been conscientous about updating the medical journal on a daily basis. Reasons for the sloppiness is an inability to sit up for a an extended period at my desk and also the awkward feeling in my rather swollen wrist (right) over the weekend. If the swelling does not subside after gentle massage with medicated oil, it will definitely warrant another call or visit to the doctors. My palm and fingers look cute and chubby, just like a plump baby's, except that plump babies don't feel a tightness or stiffness in their fingers. The stiffness made it a bit difficult to type without being conscious of the nagging swelling. I am unable to fit my wrist watch ( which normally rolls around my wrist) onto my right wrist.
I spent the entire day just resting, flat out on the sofa after my brother Ijan and friend RJ left for Melaka. Ijab was here to join the garage sale with a small collection of dvds that he no longer wanted to keep. Reading was out of the question as the words swim before my eyes and my guts started to well up if I sit up. So, another bout of Cleopatra posting to ease the queasy feeling. I couldn't really eat lunch, Sup Tulang, Choy Sam masak lemak and Ikan Goreng with onions and tomatoes so I got Vik to fry some ikan sepat to work up an appetite. It worked some.
I must have exerted myself unnecessarily on both Saturday and Sunday moving about instead of staying put.
Saturday June 16 (Day 3 of Cycle 4)
I was really gung-ho early in the morning after solat. I got Vik to pull out all the boxes from the store and I peeked inside to decide if the boxes should go to the porch for the garage sale. I have a lot of "competition" this time, as just down my road, 8 families pooled together to have their sale in one house so they had tons of stuff to offer.
2 of my friends joined my venue. It was fun to see the stuff clearing away and to realise that we have been keeping these items hoarded when others can really made use of them. I cleared designer sports bags, handbags and sports equipment (Tennis/Squash rackets) and loads of work clothes. Suits at RM10 (!!!) and tops at RM1-5 ! We also gave away some clothes free if someone buys a lot. I am left with a rack of clothes which which will be given away soon, perhaps to RSPCA. There were some old framed prints ( some originals) sold at RM 1 to little girls who were looking for Father's day gifts for their daddies.
I was totally exhausted by the time we were through about noon. Thank God Vik is around to help with sorting out the aftermath. My friends came by later to check out what's left. The heavens poured and I had some hungry friends trapped in the house. As it was a Saturday and I normally do grocery shopping on Sundays, we were lucky that Vik was able to put together a lil of this and a lil of that to come up with a simple but delicious bihun goreng. We ate ravenously, even me!
Sunday June 17 (Day 4 of Cycle 4)
It is Father's Day and I felt a bit sad that I was not able to visit and spend some time with my Dad at the home. The plan was to make a day trip with SNA but at the last minute something happened and she was unable to drive me there. I am one who is rather poor at dealing with last minute changes like this especially when I was looking forward to it but I had learnt to manage my expectations once I know that my plans are not my own anymore once I am hinged to assistance from others. I consoled myself by saying that once I get my booster shot done, we could make the trip another day and this time perhaps stay longer.
Sunday as usual is newspaper reading day, and I can't help feeling just slightly miserable reading about the various Father's Day celebrations undertaken by others with their fathers. I was not in the mood to call up any of my siblings to find out what their plans were as something tells me that what I hear may not help to make me feel any better.
Spent the evening at home with Ijan and my friend UZUN who dropped by about tea-time on her way to her hairdresser. The it was a night out at Bangsar for dinner as Ijan loves the food at Nirvana. I had the fried fish and went easy on the curry in case my tummy plays up again like the last time. ZZN and her daughter joined us at Nirvana and tired as I was, it felt good to be walking around in the cool night air buying some supplies for the week.
Someone mentioned that fish with scales are good to eat ( although I wasn't sure if we have to remove the scales or crisp-fry them so the scales can be ingested) for cancer. I must admit it is the first time I hear of this, but fish is not a drug and it is a protein, so I wouldn't mind giving it a try. We saw some fish at the night market that looked like the RM4 per piece ikan bulus goreng at Nirvana ( complete with fine scales) and we bought a tray at RM 10. After she cleaned the fish, Vik said she counted 31 pieces of fish, all for the price of RM 10 when just a while earlier 5 of us had a banana leaf meal for RM 50 with a drink, a fried fish each and a mutton curry for sharing!
I was totally zonked out by the time we got home and prayed for my dad that he wasn't too depressed or disappointed that no one went to see him today. I consoled myself that I had always tried my best to see him, Father's Day or not, so I shouldn't feel too guilty. But it is difficult not to.
I am feeling rather sloppy for not keeping up with the daily blog entry but I have been conscientous about updating the medical journal on a daily basis. Reasons for the sloppiness is an inability to sit up for a an extended period at my desk and also the awkward feeling in my rather swollen wrist (right) over the weekend. If the swelling does not subside after gentle massage with medicated oil, it will definitely warrant another call or visit to the doctors. My palm and fingers look cute and chubby, just like a plump baby's, except that plump babies don't feel a tightness or stiffness in their fingers. The stiffness made it a bit difficult to type without being conscious of the nagging swelling. I am unable to fit my wrist watch ( which normally rolls around my wrist) onto my right wrist.
I spent the entire day just resting, flat out on the sofa after my brother Ijan and friend RJ left for Melaka. Ijab was here to join the garage sale with a small collection of dvds that he no longer wanted to keep. Reading was out of the question as the words swim before my eyes and my guts started to well up if I sit up. So, another bout of Cleopatra posting to ease the queasy feeling. I couldn't really eat lunch, Sup Tulang, Choy Sam masak lemak and Ikan Goreng with onions and tomatoes so I got Vik to fry some ikan sepat to work up an appetite. It worked some.
I must have exerted myself unnecessarily on both Saturday and Sunday moving about instead of staying put.
Saturday June 16 (Day 3 of Cycle 4)
I was really gung-ho early in the morning after solat. I got Vik to pull out all the boxes from the store and I peeked inside to decide if the boxes should go to the porch for the garage sale. I have a lot of "competition" this time, as just down my road, 8 families pooled together to have their sale in one house so they had tons of stuff to offer.
2 of my friends joined my venue. It was fun to see the stuff clearing away and to realise that we have been keeping these items hoarded when others can really made use of them. I cleared designer sports bags, handbags and sports equipment (Tennis/Squash rackets) and loads of work clothes. Suits at RM10 (!!!) and tops at RM1-5 ! We also gave away some clothes free if someone buys a lot. I am left with a rack of clothes which which will be given away soon, perhaps to RSPCA. There were some old framed prints ( some originals) sold at RM 1 to little girls who were looking for Father's day gifts for their daddies.
I was totally exhausted by the time we were through about noon. Thank God Vik is around to help with sorting out the aftermath. My friends came by later to check out what's left. The heavens poured and I had some hungry friends trapped in the house. As it was a Saturday and I normally do grocery shopping on Sundays, we were lucky that Vik was able to put together a lil of this and a lil of that to come up with a simple but delicious bihun goreng. We ate ravenously, even me!
Sunday June 17 (Day 4 of Cycle 4)
It is Father's Day and I felt a bit sad that I was not able to visit and spend some time with my Dad at the home. The plan was to make a day trip with SNA but at the last minute something happened and she was unable to drive me there. I am one who is rather poor at dealing with last minute changes like this especially when I was looking forward to it but I had learnt to manage my expectations once I know that my plans are not my own anymore once I am hinged to assistance from others. I consoled myself by saying that once I get my booster shot done, we could make the trip another day and this time perhaps stay longer.
Sunday as usual is newspaper reading day, and I can't help feeling just slightly miserable reading about the various Father's Day celebrations undertaken by others with their fathers. I was not in the mood to call up any of my siblings to find out what their plans were as something tells me that what I hear may not help to make me feel any better.
Spent the evening at home with Ijan and my friend UZUN who dropped by about tea-time on her way to her hairdresser. The it was a night out at Bangsar for dinner as Ijan loves the food at Nirvana. I had the fried fish and went easy on the curry in case my tummy plays up again like the last time. ZZN and her daughter joined us at Nirvana and tired as I was, it felt good to be walking around in the cool night air buying some supplies for the week.
Someone mentioned that fish with scales are good to eat ( although I wasn't sure if we have to remove the scales or crisp-fry them so the scales can be ingested) for cancer. I must admit it is the first time I hear of this, but fish is not a drug and it is a protein, so I wouldn't mind giving it a try. We saw some fish at the night market that looked like the RM4 per piece ikan bulus goreng at Nirvana ( complete with fine scales) and we bought a tray at RM 10. After she cleaned the fish, Vik said she counted 31 pieces of fish, all for the price of RM 10 when just a while earlier 5 of us had a banana leaf meal for RM 50 with a drink, a fried fish each and a mutton curry for sharing!
I was totally zonked out by the time we got home and prayed for my dad that he wasn't too depressed or disappointed that no one went to see him today. I consoled myself that I had always tried my best to see him, Father's Day or not, so I shouldn't feel too guilty. But it is difficult not to.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Day 2 Cycle 4 - So, so lah
Ashley's and Li Po's tete-a-tete:
Li Po: "Kak Ashley, heard Mama Mi is going for another Garage sale...what's with her, just 2 days after her 4th Chemo....where is she going to get the energy, she was normally plastered flat on her sofa dring the 5 early days..."
Ashley: "Don't worry lah Li Po...Mama Mi is an old ( if a little swollen) hand in this....she has some help to punggah all her barang, she just bark out the orders...If I know her well enough, she will only do this if she is certain she can cope....."
Li Po:" I know that...like the last time when she brought all 5 of us - Me, Tompok, Ms Gigit, Wati and Devi to be spayed so that she can get a good discount from the Vet! And the effort it took to manage us all until she packed us back to Kampung...she managed us beautifully even though all her friends were shaking their heads at how she can mange 5 cats in her KL link house..."
Ashley: "I trust her judgement...and I am sure she will wear a surgical mask or something at the first sign of a couging or hawking caller....or send Vik to deal with them and she remains behind the glass sliding door....don't worry, she'll manage....Insya Allah...she just wants to join the event as it was rather fun the last time..."
...end....
Li Po: "Kak Ashley, heard Mama Mi is going for another Garage sale...what's with her, just 2 days after her 4th Chemo....where is she going to get the energy, she was normally plastered flat on her sofa dring the 5 early days..."Ashley: "Don't worry lah Li Po...Mama Mi is an old ( if a little swollen) hand in this....she has some help to punggah all her barang, she just bark out the orders...If I know her well enough, she will only do this if she is certain she can cope....."
Li Po:" I know that...like the last time when she brought all 5 of us - Me, Tompok, Ms Gigit, Wati and Devi to be spayed so that she can get a good discount from the Vet! And the effort it took to manage us all until she packed us back to Kampung...she managed us beautifully even though all her friends were shaking their heads at how she can mange 5 cats in her KL link house..."
Ashley: "I trust her judgement...and I am sure she will wear a surgical mask or something at the first sign of a couging or hawking caller....or send Vik to deal with them and she remains behind the glass sliding door....don't worry, she'll manage....Insya Allah...she just wants to join the event as it was rather fun the last time..."
...end....
June 15 (Day 2 of Cycle 4)
I felt so-so, not too tired and took all medications as prescribed plus some Cod Liver Oil as I am beginning to have a phlegmy cough. The nausea persisted but not too acute and was manageable that I felt inclined to go to KLCC to run some errands at the bank and check out the mega sales. It took an hour to get to KLCC, I am sure glad I wasn't driving and it was the same on the way back. I would have passed out due to boredom and fatigue if I had been driving.
Lunch of beef teppanyaki at the food court ( I miss the foodcourt and cafes there from my working days) was nutritious but my tastebuds tasted absolutely nothing, just crunch, crunch, munch,munch and swallow for the goodness it will bring. I miss going for coffee and pastries nearby. Bumped into a couple of ex-colleagues who said they were guilty for not looking me up after they heard the news but they were "serba-salah" and did not know what to say. I think I understand what they went through as I have gone through the same before when I heard of people whom I know were jovial,. healthy and happy and felt awkward they should be in their situation but god had willed it that I was at a loss on what to say or offer, sometimes. Only when the person is really close to me will I be able to say something meaningful, I felt.
I spent the whole afternoon (got back by 3 pm) NAPPING. I really slept quite soundly with Blackie on the foor beside me, catnapping and sprawled without a care to the world after a meal of ikan goreng and rice. I woke up about 5 pm, so that was 2 solid hours of sleep, hope it will not affect my night sleep tonight. I usually don't nap in the afternoons during chemo, just felt restless and listless but unable to drift off but, today I really drifted.
I felt quite energised after the nap and had a tea of green tea (chilled) and strawberries and oats. Then I was ready to attack more spring cleaning with Vik as my sidekick. She is tough and full of energy so she helped with moving around the heavy stuff and I did the selection of keep, recycle and dispose.
I don't know what got into me but I am participating in the community garage sale again this weekend organised Jalin Realtors for our neighbourhood. My friends, brother and nephews will be joining me and it will be fun. If I faint, Vik will pretend to be me and manage my part of the garage sale. I have lots of work clothes to recycle and offer at really charity prices plus knick-knacks that I have outgrown but I am sure will bring pleasure to others, especially if I let them go at 1/100th of what I had paid for them, some acquired overseas from trips during my wanderlust days.
My target is again to clear what I will put out, and if not picked by callers (the last time they came as early as 7.30 am, those early bird bargain hunters) I will send them to the RSPCS thrift shop so they can sell and use the proceeds to help maintain the animals in their shelter.
Insya Allah, my "day-in" will be a successful spring cleaning and sharing of things that can be of use to/by others....
Thursday, June 14, 2007
It's D-Day for Cycle 4 of Chemo
June 14 (Day 1 of Cycle 4 of Chemotherapy)
It's starting again, the fresh after chemo side-effects of nausea, fatigue and loss of appetite. So this account will be sketchy at best but hopefully will include all the pertinent details of the day.
8.30: Took a cab with Vic carrying my overnighter and laptop (just in case) to reach the medical center before 9.
9.00:Did my pre-chemo FBC. Had to wait 45 mins for results. Read papers.
10.00: Pre-chemo review with Onco. The blood test results were out and I could proceed with chemo. And surprise and SyukurAlhamdullillah, the wbc was excellent, the best so far, in fact it exceeded what it used to read before chemo. It was 8.7, a high jump from 1.8 before Neupogen. The diet of daily beef stock and red meat and kacang botol, midin must have helped. I was grinning despite my sore bottom.
My Onco was told the gory details of my bouts with constipation, and resulting sore bottom. He prescribed 7 days of Ducolac this time. He recommended increasing my Epirubicin dosage (the red drug) by 10-15% to 125mg, he says to increase its efficiency to bump off any mutant cells and also to try push me to my limit so that my wbc reads 1.0 on day 9 (one day earlier than usual interim blood tests). Wot??? I asked him on the rationale of hammering my wbc, and he told me not to worry as it will recover with the Neupogen to be given, maybe more shots if really required. The idea is to be more aggressive with Epirubicin.
On the surface of it all, I appeared concerned why it is necessary. But secretly I am quite supportive as my sometimes sore and bleeding bum is causing me concern. Especially since Breast Cancer and Colorectal Cancers are sometimes partners in crime. This I gathered reading some reports either in the internet or even some of the newspaper reports that are displayed in Oncologist's waiting rooms in most of the medical centers I had visited. My take is that if the constipation is unattended, leading to eventual hard poo, it may strain that last bit of the digestive canal. I felt really uncomfortable discussing this with my Onco other than mention it in passing and therefore forgot to ask for a prescription for a balm that might heal any cut tissues. Hardly a subject to discuss with a straight face. I will call him tomorrow and seek his tele-opinion.
We discussed my collapsed vein and I told him, Dr A his standing-in MO prescribed some steroid cream for the thrombophlebitis. He corrected me saying that Dr A is a specialist, one of his best post-grad doctors! Anyway, I told him that after a few days of steroid, there wasn't any improvement in the pain and tightness and I had resorted to massage gently with minyak panas (nutmeg and gamat oil) which helped relieve the pain but the venins are still lumpy and hard. For the chemo, he will prescribe a dose of cimefidine (or something that sounds like it as a I couldn't identify the item fin the billing)which will help to dilate the collapsed veins. They need to re-use the first chemo vein as no other veins look good enough. I asked him where will the clots go (to my head/lung/heart?) and he reassured me there wasn't any clots, only inflammation which felt like lumps under the skin.
10.30: Off to Chemo Daycare and was given Day 1 (of 3) oral prescription of Emend. Must wait for an hour before chemo can start. The Onco nurse started to fix the gadget on my vein (sakit this time) and started a drip of saline.
11.00: Shot of Kytril given, and more waiting. I think the shot of Dexa was also given, this time I got the prickly sensation even under the skin of my tummy, not just at my bottom extremities.
11.30:Start of chemo. First shot was the Cimefidine to dilate the veins. Boy, was that painful as I could feel the frug coursing through my vein and the inflammation in the veins must have caused some sensitivity. I was ouching and aahing throughout. The Epiribucin was next, the increased dosage means 2 fat syringes and a little one. I reminded my nurse to go slow and steady. ANd for the first time since Cycle 1, I actually felt pain when the drugs are being shot (bolus method , she said). Sakit, real sakit. Reminded me of the comments on people who refused chemo because chemo is painful. All along from Cycle 1-3, the chemo injections were never painful except for the initial needle prick to install the gadget, but for cycle 4 it was painful due to the dilation of once collapsed veins. During the procedre I was supposed to suck a cup of ice, but one look and my stomach lurched, and after 1 cube, I was ready to throw up but managed to control. Very nice of the nurses to get me a lime flavoured ice-lolly to suck in lieu of ice to help with damage control in my mouth as the lining is so thin and the drugs can cause havoc with taste buds ( which are already extinct by now in my mouth. I taste food but a different taste from what others do).
11.30-2 pm: Continuation of drug injection, a painful process throughout. The cytoxan was administered via drip, and it was painful too.
2.00-3pm: An hour of saline infusion to flush the veins after chemo, and after that I was free to go rest in the ward.
3.00-3.30: Late lunch at cafe before resting as I had missed the lunch rounds in the ward. Vik ate heartily, she must be bored and hungry sitting there waiting, and waiting. I couldn't cope with much, just some items of yong tau foo and I realised that my taste buds have gone crazier. Everything tasted bitter and awful, except for food with a tang (masam-masam) but I need to watch that to avoid recurrence of gastritis and acid reflux in the stomach.
3.30-9 pm: Rested in medical center. The nurse checked my vitals and said I could discharge as I agreed with my Onco that I can go home once I feel stable. All vitals ok except she was puzzled why my bp was low at 88/55. I decided to
move out of the ward about 8.30 as a new patient was admitted in my room with a chronic cough that sound so frightening, hawking and she had to pit phlegm into a bag. I felt so sorry for her and yet at the same time realised that I cannot and should not be in the same room with her as her coughs and sputums would release millions of virus and bacteria that will not be good for my condition. I asked her about her ailment, she said she is 30 yrs old and have been suffering of a chronic cough for years and now felt weakened by it and the doctors needed to examine and investigate her lungs. I explained to her I was supposed to be out by 7.30 and they must have thought the room is vacant, that is why she was admitted there. Personally I felt that she would be better off in a single room. I wished her all the best and hope it is nothing serious like TB or lung cancer and explained to her I have to go and wait for my friend in the lobby.
9.30: My friend picked us up and gave Vik and I a ride home. Very nice for someone to swing by all the way from B.Utama to do that.
10.00pm: Unwind at home with a glass of warm horlicks and oats before retiring for the night. Mentally I am determined not to vegetate during the first 5 days,if only to feel a sense of personal triumph. Already planning to surprise my Dad with a visit on Father's Day if someone can drive me there, I will not be able to drive long distance during the first 5 days. My friend SNA had indicated she will consider it and we could go to that nice Ikan Bakar place for lunch!
It's starting again, the fresh after chemo side-effects of nausea, fatigue and loss of appetite. So this account will be sketchy at best but hopefully will include all the pertinent details of the day.
8.30: Took a cab with Vic carrying my overnighter and laptop (just in case) to reach the medical center before 9.
9.00:Did my pre-chemo FBC. Had to wait 45 mins for results. Read papers.
10.00: Pre-chemo review with Onco. The blood test results were out and I could proceed with chemo. And surprise and SyukurAlhamdullillah, the wbc was excellent, the best so far, in fact it exceeded what it used to read before chemo. It was 8.7, a high jump from 1.8 before Neupogen. The diet of daily beef stock and red meat and kacang botol, midin must have helped. I was grinning despite my sore bottom.
My Onco was told the gory details of my bouts with constipation, and resulting sore bottom. He prescribed 7 days of Ducolac this time. He recommended increasing my Epirubicin dosage (the red drug) by 10-15% to 125mg, he says to increase its efficiency to bump off any mutant cells and also to try push me to my limit so that my wbc reads 1.0 on day 9 (one day earlier than usual interim blood tests). Wot??? I asked him on the rationale of hammering my wbc, and he told me not to worry as it will recover with the Neupogen to be given, maybe more shots if really required. The idea is to be more aggressive with Epirubicin.
On the surface of it all, I appeared concerned why it is necessary. But secretly I am quite supportive as my sometimes sore and bleeding bum is causing me concern. Especially since Breast Cancer and Colorectal Cancers are sometimes partners in crime. This I gathered reading some reports either in the internet or even some of the newspaper reports that are displayed in Oncologist's waiting rooms in most of the medical centers I had visited. My take is that if the constipation is unattended, leading to eventual hard poo, it may strain that last bit of the digestive canal. I felt really uncomfortable discussing this with my Onco other than mention it in passing and therefore forgot to ask for a prescription for a balm that might heal any cut tissues. Hardly a subject to discuss with a straight face. I will call him tomorrow and seek his tele-opinion.
We discussed my collapsed vein and I told him, Dr A his standing-in MO prescribed some steroid cream for the thrombophlebitis. He corrected me saying that Dr A is a specialist, one of his best post-grad doctors! Anyway, I told him that after a few days of steroid, there wasn't any improvement in the pain and tightness and I had resorted to massage gently with minyak panas (nutmeg and gamat oil) which helped relieve the pain but the venins are still lumpy and hard. For the chemo, he will prescribe a dose of cimefidine (or something that sounds like it as a I couldn't identify the item fin the billing)which will help to dilate the collapsed veins. They need to re-use the first chemo vein as no other veins look good enough. I asked him where will the clots go (to my head/lung/heart?) and he reassured me there wasn't any clots, only inflammation which felt like lumps under the skin.
10.30: Off to Chemo Daycare and was given Day 1 (of 3) oral prescription of Emend. Must wait for an hour before chemo can start. The Onco nurse started to fix the gadget on my vein (sakit this time) and started a drip of saline.
11.00: Shot of Kytril given, and more waiting. I think the shot of Dexa was also given, this time I got the prickly sensation even under the skin of my tummy, not just at my bottom extremities.
11.30:Start of chemo. First shot was the Cimefidine to dilate the veins. Boy, was that painful as I could feel the frug coursing through my vein and the inflammation in the veins must have caused some sensitivity. I was ouching and aahing throughout. The Epiribucin was next, the increased dosage means 2 fat syringes and a little one. I reminded my nurse to go slow and steady. ANd for the first time since Cycle 1, I actually felt pain when the drugs are being shot (bolus method , she said). Sakit, real sakit. Reminded me of the comments on people who refused chemo because chemo is painful. All along from Cycle 1-3, the chemo injections were never painful except for the initial needle prick to install the gadget, but for cycle 4 it was painful due to the dilation of once collapsed veins. During the procedre I was supposed to suck a cup of ice, but one look and my stomach lurched, and after 1 cube, I was ready to throw up but managed to control. Very nice of the nurses to get me a lime flavoured ice-lolly to suck in lieu of ice to help with damage control in my mouth as the lining is so thin and the drugs can cause havoc with taste buds ( which are already extinct by now in my mouth. I taste food but a different taste from what others do).
11.30-2 pm: Continuation of drug injection, a painful process throughout. The cytoxan was administered via drip, and it was painful too.
2.00-3pm: An hour of saline infusion to flush the veins after chemo, and after that I was free to go rest in the ward.
3.00-3.30: Late lunch at cafe before resting as I had missed the lunch rounds in the ward. Vik ate heartily, she must be bored and hungry sitting there waiting, and waiting. I couldn't cope with much, just some items of yong tau foo and I realised that my taste buds have gone crazier. Everything tasted bitter and awful, except for food with a tang (masam-masam) but I need to watch that to avoid recurrence of gastritis and acid reflux in the stomach.
3.30-9 pm: Rested in medical center. The nurse checked my vitals and said I could discharge as I agreed with my Onco that I can go home once I feel stable. All vitals ok except she was puzzled why my bp was low at 88/55. I decided to
move out of the ward about 8.30 as a new patient was admitted in my room with a chronic cough that sound so frightening, hawking and she had to pit phlegm into a bag. I felt so sorry for her and yet at the same time realised that I cannot and should not be in the same room with her as her coughs and sputums would release millions of virus and bacteria that will not be good for my condition. I asked her about her ailment, she said she is 30 yrs old and have been suffering of a chronic cough for years and now felt weakened by it and the doctors needed to examine and investigate her lungs. I explained to her I was supposed to be out by 7.30 and they must have thought the room is vacant, that is why she was admitted there. Personally I felt that she would be better off in a single room. I wished her all the best and hope it is nothing serious like TB or lung cancer and explained to her I have to go and wait for my friend in the lobby.
9.30: My friend picked us up and gave Vik and I a ride home. Very nice for someone to swing by all the way from B.Utama to do that.
10.00pm: Unwind at home with a glass of warm horlicks and oats before retiring for the night. Mentally I am determined not to vegetate during the first 5 days,if only to feel a sense of personal triumph. Already planning to surprise my Dad with a visit on Father's Day if someone can drive me there, I will not be able to drive long distance during the first 5 days. My friend SNA had indicated she will consider it and we could go to that nice Ikan Bakar place for lunch!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tomorrow Is D-Day for Cycle 4!
June 13 (Day 21 od Cycle 3)
Tomorrow is D-Day for Cycle 4, which means 2 more to go, yahoo! Soon, Insya Allah, all the cycles will be over. Let's hope we can find a good vein tomorrow.
Tomorrow is D-Day for Cycle 4, which means 2 more to go, yahoo! Soon, Insya Allah, all the cycles will be over. Let's hope we can find a good vein tomorrow.
Mama Mi temporarily re-united with Putri, Boy Troy and Ashley (with head in catfood bin) while in Melaka recently.
Says Putri: "Well, Mama Mi, handle the next few cycles well, ok. Now that your helper is here, you can ship us back to KL once your treatments are over, so that we can sharpen our claws against that ooh so scratcheable, lovely sofa of yours, is it still there or have you written if off to some junkyard? Or better still, come back here and live in kampung, so you can see Atuk everyday. Also now he wants to come back and stay at home. He is very worried about you, you know......we quite like it here actually, all the birds and the bees and the other day even a snake or two, according to Acu! And the fruit season's just around the corner, with rambutans flowering and young mangoes slowly emerging...! And durians if anybody is brave enough to venture to the now quite neglected dusun, where wild boars have been spied!"
-end-
I went to the Dentist (also in the same medical center so she is aware of my chemo treatment regime) to check on the painful blisters and sores in the mouth. She spotted the location and mentioned that for now she can prescribe Gengigel to apply on the blister( about 4mm wide at the base of the tongue near my gums) and a Gengigel gargle after meals. The Gengigel prescription contains something called hyaluronic acid which helps in healing in mouth and oral tissues.
However she says I need to change my toothpaste as my gums are showing signs of receding and Sensodyne is better than Oral B to manage that so they won't get worse. All the chewing of fibrous greens, fruits and meat does have a toll on the gums. She reassured me that the prescription will not interfere or clash with the chemo regime, especially since tomorrow I will have more chemo drugs pumped into me.
I will be seeing my Onco tomorrow after the pre-chemo blood test. I hope my wbc is at least 4.0 ( it has been declining since the first cycle of 6.8, then 6.4, and the last was at 5.4). My interim chemo wbc was even worse-2.8, 2.4 and the last was at 1.8. I am taking lots of stuff to boost and hopefully the reading will not get any lower. Tonight, dinner is pasta with bolognese sauce, teaching my helper to cook something "foreign". Hopefully the lean ground beef sauce, and the dates I have been munching all day will translate to a good blood count tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Two Days before Cycle 4!
June 12 (Day 20 of Cycle 3)
How Time flies....it will soon be the 4th cycle meaning I will be 2/3 done with
chemotherapy. I have mixed feelings this time-a can't wait for it to be done and an "Oh, God, will there be new surprises for me to manage this time" feelings. I keep reminding myself that the Almighty gives us challenges that are normally within our capacity to handle. If we have faith and stand upright to face those challenges.
The dentist's appointment list is full today so I have booked an appointment for Wednesday June 13(tomorrow) to see her regarding my blisters/sores in my mouth. It felt as though my gums are affected as well. Could it be due to too much chewing of meat or this is something that is "due" as well whether or not I chew meat. It will be interesting to see what she can find out on what's happening in my mouth and what she will recommend to ease the painful sensation whenever I tried to eat and swallow food and drink.
The gastric pains have completely disappeared but I continue to drink horlicks as my drink for breakfast, mid-morning, at tea-time and after dinner. I hope the pains will forget about me and not pay me a visit again. Obviously avoiding hot, spicy and acidic food has helped together with the medication provided by my Onco. I just have to make sure that I am not tempted by spicy food again until after all the treatments are over.
The bum is still sore each time after bowel movement and that is beginning to worry me. It is no fun when both ends of the digestive system is hurting. It may be my imagination but I thought I spotted blood and that is not good. Especially since I need to preserve whatever blood I produce in my body to be at a healthy level. The psyillium husks and Fibrecleanse help to ease bowel movement but it seems something is amiss with the passageway (to put it delicately) that it feels like there is a cut or tearing that is so painful. I am at my pre-chemo high-energy phase right now and even then it doesn't seem to heal, what more when I have the FEC WMD drugs coursing in my system and blocking all cell renewal and repairs during the first week post chemo starting tomorrow.
I blush just to think of how I was going to explain this to my Onco DDIW. But I need to and I hope it is nothing serious. My mind is getting rather creative and I really need to put it at ease that this is again something temporary like all the other side effects. If it means I have to go on liquid diet to sort it out, I will be more than willing. Anything to get rid of the discomfort.
My right (chemo arm) is still stiff and hurting although massaging it 3X a day with minyak gamat and nutmeg oil has helped to loosen the tight feeling along my forearm and elbow. I hope there will be a good vein to use for Thursday's 4th chemo cycle.
I must say I am getting used to all the pains and am able to function normally and run my usual routine. I do need to remind myself though that I must not take all these pains for granted and wave them aside. It is so easy to be positive and tell myself that these are temporary and "that will also pass", However, if these turn out to be "messages" from my body which is trying to tell me something and I have ignored them, then I will have myself to blame should it be the tip of an iceberg of something more serious.
Other than all that, life goes on as usual. I am pursuing my personal projects and keeping active when the energy level is high, careful not to get into scraps and falls due to my accident-prone nature. I have not started teaching my helper/assistant Basic Beginners English yet other than the customary greetings and names for things in the kitchen( I will need to get a workbook for her if she is really serious about learning) Instead I have been picking up a lot of Indon words!
How Time flies....it will soon be the 4th cycle meaning I will be 2/3 done with
chemotherapy. I have mixed feelings this time-a can't wait for it to be done and an "Oh, God, will there be new surprises for me to manage this time" feelings. I keep reminding myself that the Almighty gives us challenges that are normally within our capacity to handle. If we have faith and stand upright to face those challenges.
The dentist's appointment list is full today so I have booked an appointment for Wednesday June 13(tomorrow) to see her regarding my blisters/sores in my mouth. It felt as though my gums are affected as well. Could it be due to too much chewing of meat or this is something that is "due" as well whether or not I chew meat. It will be interesting to see what she can find out on what's happening in my mouth and what she will recommend to ease the painful sensation whenever I tried to eat and swallow food and drink.
The gastric pains have completely disappeared but I continue to drink horlicks as my drink for breakfast, mid-morning, at tea-time and after dinner. I hope the pains will forget about me and not pay me a visit again. Obviously avoiding hot, spicy and acidic food has helped together with the medication provided by my Onco. I just have to make sure that I am not tempted by spicy food again until after all the treatments are over.
The bum is still sore each time after bowel movement and that is beginning to worry me. It is no fun when both ends of the digestive system is hurting. It may be my imagination but I thought I spotted blood and that is not good. Especially since I need to preserve whatever blood I produce in my body to be at a healthy level. The psyillium husks and Fibrecleanse help to ease bowel movement but it seems something is amiss with the passageway (to put it delicately) that it feels like there is a cut or tearing that is so painful. I am at my pre-chemo high-energy phase right now and even then it doesn't seem to heal, what more when I have the FEC WMD drugs coursing in my system and blocking all cell renewal and repairs during the first week post chemo starting tomorrow.
I blush just to think of how I was going to explain this to my Onco DDIW. But I need to and I hope it is nothing serious. My mind is getting rather creative and I really need to put it at ease that this is again something temporary like all the other side effects. If it means I have to go on liquid diet to sort it out, I will be more than willing. Anything to get rid of the discomfort.
My right (chemo arm) is still stiff and hurting although massaging it 3X a day with minyak gamat and nutmeg oil has helped to loosen the tight feeling along my forearm and elbow. I hope there will be a good vein to use for Thursday's 4th chemo cycle.
I must say I am getting used to all the pains and am able to function normally and run my usual routine. I do need to remind myself though that I must not take all these pains for granted and wave them aside. It is so easy to be positive and tell myself that these are temporary and "that will also pass", However, if these turn out to be "messages" from my body which is trying to tell me something and I have ignored them, then I will have myself to blame should it be the tip of an iceberg of something more serious.
Other than all that, life goes on as usual. I am pursuing my personal projects and keeping active when the energy level is high, careful not to get into scraps and falls due to my accident-prone nature. I have not started teaching my helper/assistant Basic Beginners English yet other than the customary greetings and names for things in the kitchen( I will need to get a workbook for her if she is really serious about learning) Instead I have been picking up a lot of Indon words!
Monday, June 11, 2007
A Relaxing Monday
June 11 (day 19 of Cycle 3)
I felt strangely tired today and decided not to go out to see the doctor yet. Syukur Alhamdullillah the gastric spasms have spaced out and slowly disappeared, perhaps due to the doses of Nexium and perhaps due to the mugs of horlicks that I have been imbibing throughout the day everyday since I was informed by my friend's Mum that it helps her manage her own acid tummy. Whichever it was I am so thankful that I have one pain less to bear.
My right arm is still hurting and I continue to rub the nutmeg and gamat oil. I have given up on the steroid cream as it did nothing for me. The arm still feels tight when stretched and I can still feel the lumps of possible clots along the affected veins. This is one of the items that I need to raise with my Onco in case it causes a problem with the next Chemo due on June 14 , just 3 days from now. I massaged the arm gently 3 or 4 times a day with the oil and put a warm compress afterwards. It helped to relieve the pain but the tightness starts to creep up again after a while. I could feel the hardened veins below the skin.
The mouth sores have not improved. I tried to check for myself using a torchlight and a mirror to see how many sores there are. Most are concentrated at the far end of my tongue and back gums, near where the tonsils are on the left side. I am unable to sight anything perhaps because I don't really know what I should be expecting to see. I have been gargling with salt water and sucking on strepsils and lonzenges to keep my mouth bacteria free but it feels as though more sores have surfaced. I had tried to apply glycerine borax using Q-tips and I know I did reach the sores as I squirmed when the Q-tips hit home. I will need to see my Dentist who will be able to inspect and determine what can be done to make sure the situation doesn't get worse. Eating is a challenging activity and imagine having tears running down my cheeks when I am having a nice meal!
As for bowel movements, that has been regular. My only issue on that is because of previous bouts of irregular bowel movements and constipation, I experienced extreme discomfort when moving my bowels. So extreme that sometimes I dread having "to go" because I can almost imagine the pain before I did. So another item to alert my doctor and seek his advice on what can help to relieve the discomfort. My good bowel movements could also be due to the Fibrecleanse mix that I take first thing in the morning ,half an hour before breakfast. It is supposed to aid in flushing out the colon but not to offer any pain relief.
I spent the day grooming my helper on the other activities in the house that she can help me with. Actually there isn't very much to do other than the basic stuff but will need to crank up some more so that she doesn't get bored and homesick. She seems to enjoy experimenting in the kitchen. I told her that I will teach her English for an hour a day once we have established a proper routine of what her chores are on a daily basis. That would be a win-win situation for both of us, she learns a new tongue and I get a "speaking" helper.
I felt strangely tired today and decided not to go out to see the doctor yet. Syukur Alhamdullillah the gastric spasms have spaced out and slowly disappeared, perhaps due to the doses of Nexium and perhaps due to the mugs of horlicks that I have been imbibing throughout the day everyday since I was informed by my friend's Mum that it helps her manage her own acid tummy. Whichever it was I am so thankful that I have one pain less to bear.
My right arm is still hurting and I continue to rub the nutmeg and gamat oil. I have given up on the steroid cream as it did nothing for me. The arm still feels tight when stretched and I can still feel the lumps of possible clots along the affected veins. This is one of the items that I need to raise with my Onco in case it causes a problem with the next Chemo due on June 14 , just 3 days from now. I massaged the arm gently 3 or 4 times a day with the oil and put a warm compress afterwards. It helped to relieve the pain but the tightness starts to creep up again after a while. I could feel the hardened veins below the skin.
The mouth sores have not improved. I tried to check for myself using a torchlight and a mirror to see how many sores there are. Most are concentrated at the far end of my tongue and back gums, near where the tonsils are on the left side. I am unable to sight anything perhaps because I don't really know what I should be expecting to see. I have been gargling with salt water and sucking on strepsils and lonzenges to keep my mouth bacteria free but it feels as though more sores have surfaced. I had tried to apply glycerine borax using Q-tips and I know I did reach the sores as I squirmed when the Q-tips hit home. I will need to see my Dentist who will be able to inspect and determine what can be done to make sure the situation doesn't get worse. Eating is a challenging activity and imagine having tears running down my cheeks when I am having a nice meal!
As for bowel movements, that has been regular. My only issue on that is because of previous bouts of irregular bowel movements and constipation, I experienced extreme discomfort when moving my bowels. So extreme that sometimes I dread having "to go" because I can almost imagine the pain before I did. So another item to alert my doctor and seek his advice on what can help to relieve the discomfort. My good bowel movements could also be due to the Fibrecleanse mix that I take first thing in the morning ,half an hour before breakfast. It is supposed to aid in flushing out the colon but not to offer any pain relief.
I spent the day grooming my helper on the other activities in the house that she can help me with. Actually there isn't very much to do other than the basic stuff but will need to crank up some more so that she doesn't get bored and homesick. She seems to enjoy experimenting in the kitchen. I told her that I will teach her English for an hour a day once we have established a proper routine of what her chores are on a daily basis. That would be a win-win situation for both of us, she learns a new tongue and I get a "speaking" helper.
My adopted sister's house in serene and peaceful Bagan Datoh at S.Cik Maja is a place to go to totally unwind and escape "civilisation" but the people there are much more civilized than some of the folks we run into in the civilised cities. The "parit" where my nephew is fishing contains loads of tilapia fish, so many that you don't really need to use a fishing line. What they do is place a net and some poor fish will get caught in the net every morning. Their cats are fed fresh, raw fish and are healthy and strong as bears!
When July comes and after I complete my 5th chemo, I hope to spend a weekend in Bagan Datoh just for a change in scenery and to be with folks who are so genuinely happy. Life is simple, community spirit is really very strong, respect is based on how involved you are with the community rather than how wealthy you are and best of all, there's hardly any traffic and smog. The air is so fresh and if there is any smoke (not smog) it is from burning dry leaves and coconut husks in the evenings to scare away the mosquitoes. A nice change indeed from the daily background sound of Mat Rempits and honkings and blarings of "Old Newspaper, Surat Khabar lama!" when all one needs is some peace and quiet when the body and mind is tired....Bagan Datoh, here I come.
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