Keeping the faith

June 7 (Day 15 of Cycle 3)

The pattern of waking up in the middle of the night to nurse my acid tummy and rub hot oil onto my my right forearm continued. So when the alarm went in the morning, I would wake up feeling like I had just dozed off, and it was quite a struggle to fight Setan who would want me to curl back under my covers. Just as well that I do not fancy cold oats and Horlicks which I know would wait for me downstairs after suboh if I lingerd longer than necessary.

Troy and Devi: "If you like sleep Mama Mi, you should have been a cat. We spend more time asleep than awake. We look cute when we are fast asleep and can melt even most hearts. But human beans don't look cute at all, some snore, some have their mouths open and they have those funny drools streaming out of their mouths...urgh....but just look at me and Devi fast asleep, aren't we adorable? Who would have guessed that a Vet nearly put me to sleep and you fought hard for me to be alive and nursed me everyday after my accident. You actually removed big fat jumping maggots from my wounds even though a silly worm would normally knock you out unconscious! You had faith in my wellbeing Mama Mi, and I made it....and now, you must have faith in yours...you are not the sort to give up easily, so hang in there Mama Mi...."

Okay lah, Troy....Insya Allah I will continue the fight even though it gets scarier each time due to the unexpected turn of events each cycle. The sore throat is becoming more intense so I need to adjust my diet to include easy to swallow food yet at the same time, include all the nutrients that I need. As for my arm, I have been told that hot Nutmeg oil rubs can help and so will Minyak Gamat. So I will start on those once the hydrocortisone 14 days prescription is used up.

My new helper has arrived and is around now so I have been busy showing her the ropes around the house. She is 26, from Cilacap, Java, married with 2 kids, 5 and 2 years old. I shared with her my dietary requirements and Kakak had obliged by saying that she would teach her (Vik) how the food should be prepared-not spicy, not greasy and certainly no MSG. So far so good, at least she can iron well, thanks to the extra dose of training at the center when she was "quarantined".

I had let her stay at the center for at least 2 weeks before picking her up to join me at home. Sort of a quarantine period as I wanted to make sure she is not having colds or flu. She had passed her medical and endorsed by Fomema, but just to play it safe, I am taking her to my own doctor for an independent opinion, especially on her chest x-ray as that seems to be the most common problem overlooked by the health authorities for all incoming workers. I hope she will work out. So far so good, the center had trained her well on ironing skills, and at least I can save some money on the laundry! Kakak can cook well but she tends to cook my clothes as well to a right crispy texture......

I got another call from the private care center where my dad is. He is packed to go home to look after me and has been throwing tantrums. He wants me to come and pick him up. He must be really worried and I feel so sorry that I had to tell him about my situation. I tried speaking to him over the phone but he couldn't hear 90% of what I said when I reassured him not to worry about me. But he doesn't want to stay in KL and that is an issue right now while I am managing my treatment. Besides, he shouldn't be seeing me when I am all nauseous and being plastered onto the sofa for the first few days of each chemo. That will indeed worry him, for sure.

I know I will spend sometime tonight trying to figure out how I need to manage and handle this. My other siblings are not "ngam" with my dad so I do not have anywhere to turn to on this. Short of me checking into the home myself(???) and staying there so he can see me and at the same time have access to proffessional carers and medical aid on short notice. Ya Allah, please let me have some pointers on how best to manage this so that it will be in the best interest of all concerned. Amin.